Lent

As Lent winds down there is time to reflect on what this season has meant to me this time around. I've been reading off and on and when I have there have been great insights to be found in His Word. I am thankful that I started reading again and asked for my spirit to be open and receptive to the Words that I was reading. My prayers have been answered. He's such a sweet and loving God and I am thankful that I know this.

My biggest take away from this Lent season is forgiveness. There is no condemnation from God for my sins. I am forgiven wholly, fully and completely. Nothing I do can separate me from Him and I am thankful for that knowledge and finally being able to accept it. I have let it marinate in my spirit and sink into this hard head of mine over these past few weeks and it has put me in a better mindset. That's not to say I won't have to be reminded of that time and time again but the rudimentary knowledge is finally there. My heart is full because of this wonderful gift and all that Christ endured on my behalf to have it.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you^[a] free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,^[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. (Romans 8:1-3)

Love? Pt. 2

And because I didn't say all that I wanted to say in my first post because I'm still leery about this new found freedom to write, I'm being convicted. So here is the rest of what I truly wanted to say.

No one should have to beg someone to love them. We have the greatest love of all - the love of God and that is enough for us. Although some of us (me) have yet to discover and/or embrace this, it is still there. It is more than enough and it won't hurt us or let us down like the love of the world.

I know that this is true with all my heart but it doesn't matter when my emotions are all caught up in the worldly love. The love that makes my heart skip a beat when I hear his voice, read his text messages or hear that song that is exclusively ours. Nor does it matter when you are a child longing for the love of a parent, a friend or a sibling. All you want is the here and now. The ache is so real you can touch it and all you want is for it to be filled and in your mind that person is the only one that can fill it.

That may be true for the moment but over time the needs rises up again and that person is no longer capable of filling the void and bitterness and resentment comes into play. Disappointment follows you around and if you're not careful you start searching for the next thing that will fulfill you, albeit temporarily, yet again.

I'm speaking my truth. My journey. The fact that I have searched and searched and searched without having found fulfillment in my longing to be loved; to feel completely loved, understood and accepted for who I am. And because of that there has always been this sense of emptiness and worthlessness that has followed me. I have never felt that kind of love although I have come close with my Dad but he was taken away from me and the void grew even stronger.

I've done my share of discarding people because they couldn't give me what I was continuously searching for. I think that is why I became a nurturer. If I couldn't get the love I needed then I could certainly give it to those around me. And so I have spent my life giving, giving and giving in hopes that it would ease the ache and divert me from what I'm searching for.

And yet I still want it; crave it and make vain attempts at finding it when it is right before me. I am ashamed, yet I am human. I am sorry but I am still needy. I want and therefore I go after it in all the wrong places for it is here. Right here; yet I reject it because it is more than I can handle.

I am fearful for I have spent a lifetime searching and find it so hard to fathom that it is truly within my grasp and I can have it if I but give in to it. And yet I can't. I'm not ready. There is still so much I am wrestling with inside of myself. Most of all my worthiness to receive it. I know that I don't have to be worthy just willing to accept it but in my mind... therein lies the problem that I do not know how to overcome.

She Rejoices!

“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Wow!

She rejoices in Gods love; His unyielding, unconditional love. While she yet daily walks in sin due to her carnal nature, He loves her. No greater joy does she feel than when she embraces the meaning of Romans 8:38-39 and allows it to ruminate in her spirit and flow out of her to all she comes in contact with.

Although she may not be all that she is destined to be she is loved all the while by God and no matter what she does, what she thinks and what she feels that may not be of God, He loves her anyway.

She rejoices in His unbridled love; won’t you?

Happy Valentine's Day

God is love and love is God, from my perspective, the two are synonymous. God loved us so much that He sent His only begotten son down to Earth and sacrificed him so that we could come back to live with Him again. (John 3:16)

What love, what adoration, what longing to have an intimate relationship with us; and all he asks in return is that we love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind and our neighbor as our self. (Matthew 22:37-39)

Is that so hard to do? For some of us the answer is a resounding yes! Until we do a little self examination and hold ourselves up to the same light we hold everyone else to and realize just how guilty we are of the same things we accuse others of and withhold our love from them because of it.

How many times have we had to ask God to forgive us for the same thing over and over again? How often do we fallen short of the Ten Commandments? Do we have love for our neighbor as we do our selves or do we hold everyone to a double standard while we justify our reasons for our shortcomings?

As we celebrate Valentine’s Day, the day of love, take a moment and reflect on the relationships around you. Do you have that agape love for your fellow man or do you selfishly hold back for fear of rejection, hurt or pain? Do you love unconditionally in your marriage, friendships or relationships with your kids or do you dole out the love according to some gauge you have in your mind as to whether or not they have earned it?

After all, what have you done to earn the love of God? Nothing, every day we fall short and it is through Jesus that we have the opportunity to repent and start again. Mercy and grace anew each day because of the love He has for us.

So while you are in the mode of celebrating Valentine’s Day, purpose it in your heart to be move loving, more forgiving and less judgmental and withholding of what is so freely given to you whether you accept it or not. LOVE.

Let love motivate you today and everyday to be kinder, nicer, more caring and compassionate one to another and save a little chocolate for a rainy day.

Calling All Women

Although this commentary from an unknown author is geared at women of color. I know for a fact that the biases, the jealousies and the actions imparted in this writing cross the color barrier. Every woman has faced these types of things but it has been publicized more predominately by women of color.

We can get along, we can have fulfilling relationships across all barriers of race, size, shape, nationality, religious belief and lifestyle choices. All of us at some point in our lives has needed, longed and prayed for someone (in the physical) to love, understand, and empathize with our situations; to give us a hug when we are hurting, a smile when we are down and a hand up when we have fallen down and can't get up by ourselves. In other words we have needed a true FRIEND/SISTER.

I hope you will read this and take away something that brings you to a different point in your life. One that says enough is enough and that you start making a difference in the lives of the women you come in contact with on a daily basis. Don't sit back and wait for someone else to start the new cycle. Let it begin with you and you and you...

Women of Color - Author Unknown

When I first heard of the movie "For Colored Girls" I got so excited. I had the idea of getting as many women together that I could think of to go see this movie. I had visions of group discussions and moments shared with one another that would lead to healing and growth. I guess I kind of imagined a Women's Empowerment Conference type of setting.

Well, after I shared my idea with a few women, reality set in and I realized that so many of us wouldn't be willing to participate for various reasons: You don't like me, you don't care for somebody I might invite, you only hang out with certain people, you don't understand the big deal about Tyler Perry making yet another movie about black people and our issues for all the world to see, you don't like crowds, so is too ghetto, such and such is too uppity etc... It has ALWAYS amazed me that we as black women are each others biggest critics. We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each others' faults and nit pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left to give and then we step over her and call her worthless. We take the prettiest women and tear them down for thinking "they are cute" but turn around and dog the average sista because "she know she should take better care of herself than that - can't believe she got a man!" We call strong women female dogs and accuse weaker women of riding somebody else's coat tails. We tell a big sista to put down her burger and turn around and criticize a skinny woman for not picking one up. We ride the loud mouth woman for "talking too darn much" and likewise torment the quiet woman for "Being too quiet and needing to take up for herself" Sad part is we don't discriminate, we talk about everybody!!!

I've watched women dog out everybody from Oprah for catering to white people and Halle Berry for not being able to keep a man to young Willow Smith for acting too darn grown in her recent video. All of these females are successful and there is something about each one of them to be proud of but a lot of us can't seem to see that. I have to wonder since we all share a common thread (whether we want to admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don't like; what has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along? Why is that we fight amongst ourselves, backstab & steal each others men (only to find out we should have left him where we found him). We cannot seem to be unified to support and stick up for one another. Everybody seems to be out for themselves while other groups unite against us; but nobody else has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other daily.

Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car, have good credit, rich handsome husband, etc., this does not mean that you should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in income based housing struggling to keep her lights on. We ALWAYS think the grass is greener on the other side, I had a woman whose child's father is MIA tell me that I should never complain because I receive a decent amount of child support and I laughed and let her know that I would gladly give every dime back if he would come relieve some of this overwhelming pressure of feeling inadequate as a parent. If I could get just one full night of sleep or not always be on the verge of losing my job because I'm the one that has to call off or leave work for one reason or another to accommodate my child - yeah he could DEFINITELY have his money if I could have some peace! Money alone doesn't make you happy (not true happiness), good credit doesn't keep you satisfied, beauty doesn't make you any less insecure, fame doesn't make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a good judge of character and being stuck up and mean doesn't keep you warm at night or prevent you from being lonely.

You don't know how the sista sitting right next to you could have carefully put on her make up this morning to hide the beating from last night. The teacher you handed your child over to this morning could have sent her children off to school from a dark house with empty bellies. The teller you just got rude with at the bank could know that today is her last day on her job and have no idea how she is going to survive past next weekend. The sista at the office that appears so busy could be typing her goodbyes to all the people that she loves because she plans to blow her brains out tonight after she tucks her babies into bed. The woman you pass in the hallway could be on her way to have an abortion because she fears what others might think or how the woman that sent you this e-mail may drink an over abundance of alcohol every night to mask the nightmares of an abusive childhood.

Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I'm not suggesting that we all like each other and be phony. But I am asking that we all try to respect each other. You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going through, you don't know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped her into who she is today. We spend so much time trying to be as strong and hard as we are expected to be that we end up cracking from the inside out piece by piece. If we would spend 1/3 of the time we spend tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, show someone some love, we could truly make a difference and save some one's life.

PLEASE don't be the straw that breaks another woman's back. Believe me when I tell you that there is a woman out there that needs your smile, your hug, your support, your prayers and your love.

"Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me." Matthew 25:40

Sea shells on the sea shore

For several years I have collected sea shells from the various places I have visited and keep them in an aquarium. No fish, just sea shells. The shells that I collect are a wide variety of sizes, shapes and colors just like you would find on the beach with one big difference. Very few of my shells are whole or perfect. I didn’t realize it at first but over time I’ve noticed that the ones that I gravitate towards the most when I am out there collecting shells are the broken ones. Although they might be chipped or broken into lots of pieces I can still see their beauty and so I scoop them up and add them to my collection.

It took me a while to make the connection between the broken shells and me; but there is a connection. I think of myself as a broken person and so I can relate to the shells and what they represent to me. Just like I love those shells for what they are and can see the beauty in them I think about how God views me. Although I am broken down, have jagged edges and cracks in my foundation in all of my brokenness the beauty of God still shines through.

Although I may be battered, bruised and a little hard to look upon at times there is still some goodness there. I can radiate His goodness and mercy. Someone can look upon me and see the light He shines within me and find beauty just like I find in these broken shells that lay scattered on the beach. Others may not see them like I do just like others don’t see me for who I am but I know that God does and I am trying to embrace that and let my life reflect the mercy and grace He bestows upon me daily.

He Answered

I posed the question earlier this week "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart" and today my devotional answered that question explicitly. Directly to me for my purpose. I found myself re-reading it and shaking my head thinking "Wow, He really does know us and our needs." Today was just another confirmation that no matter what I think, feel or imagine in my small mind about myself and all the things I have done, thought or felt in my life there is one who looks beyond my faults, straight to my heart and knows the desires therein to be pleasing to Him, to serve Him and to be all that He desires me to be although I fall short time and time again. What a blessing these words were to me today and will be for many more to come.

I couldn't do justice in trying to tell you what the devotional said so I'm posting it here. No credit comes to me if it touches you as profoundly as it has touched me but to Sarah Young for her obedience in writing this wonderful book of devotionals (Jesus Calling) that continues to inspire and affirm God's love and desire for a deeper, more personal relationship with every single one of us.

Be blessed.

August 20

I Am A God Who Heals. I heal broken bodies, broken minds, broken hearts, broken lives, and broken relationships. My very Presence has immense healing powers. You cannot live close to Me without experiencing some degree of healing. However, it is also true that you have not because you ask not. You receive the healing that flows naturally from My Presence, whether you seek it or not. But there is more-much more-available to those who ask.

The first step in receiving healing is to live ever so close to Me. The benefits of this practice are too numerous to list. As you grow more and more intimate with Me, I reveal My will to you more directly. When the time is right, I prompt you to ask for healing of some brokenness in you or in another person. The healing may be instantaneous, or it may be a process. That is up to Me. Your part is to trust Me fully and to thank Me for the restoration that has begun.

I rarely heal all the brokenness in a person's life. Even My servant Paul was told, "My grace is sufficient for you," when he sought healing for the thorn in his flesh. Nonetheless, much healing is available to those whose lives are intimately interwoven with Mine. Ask, and you will receive.

Psalm 103:3; James 4:2 (KJV); 2 Corinthians 12:7-9; Matthew 7:7

She Speaks! A Recap

It's hard to believe that almost two weeks ago I was sitting in the lobby of the Embassy Suites hotel feeling like I had made the most horrific mistake of my life. At first it was fun watching everyone come and go but by the opening session I was deep in the throes of a panic attack in my mind of major proportion and my stomach was in knots. As I watched women of all sizes, shapes and colors flow back and forth through the lobby looking confident, secure and so well put together, even in their travel gear, I found myself comparing myself to them and feeling ever so inadequate. They exuded peace, joy, spirituality and confidence that I was not feeling. Had I not been dropped off by my husband and daughter I dare to think I would have hopped in the car and raced back to Richmond and the security of my own little world. After all, who in the world did I think I was or what right did I have to be there attending that conference. I just didn't feel like I belonged.

In the midst of this tangent going on in my head I had to change from my travel clothes to my conference clothes but I didn't have a room so I headed to the lobby restroom, squeezed into a stall and proceeded to change. It was tight, it was frustrating and I was already feeling so emotional that I thought this was going to do me in. As I stepped out of the stall I realized I was not alone. Out of the stall 3 doors down stepped an angel. My first smiling, friendly face and when she spoke to me my heart leaped. We chatted as we put on makeup and soon became fast buddies. Tammy Nischan was my first conference friend. I was thrilled. We parted and headed to our first session with a promise to hook up there and we did. She had to duck out early for a meeting with a publisher but she sure did help me settle my first round of nerves. We bumped into each other several times over the conference, had our picture taken together and promised to stay in touch and we will. I now have a friend in Kentucky and one of these days when that travel bugs hits me I'll hit the road and look her up. In the meantime thanks to modern technology we'll stay connected via our blogs, facebook and such.

After our first session we had a couple of hours to kill until time for the opening general session and so again I sat in the lobby waiting for the arrival of my roommate and a room to be assigned to us. We were late getting to the opening session as they had finally found a room for us at 3:55 and we took our stuff to the room before going. In the dark we found a seat at the front of the room next to the screens and the speakers. Up close and personal you could call it. Lysa Terkeurst gave the most awesome opening speech, the music was just right and the spirit was high in the room. I was overcome with emotion and feeling very lost and alone as the lights came up and I looked out over this sea of amazing women and thought wow, how awesome is this and in the same breath it was replaced with what are you doing here?

So here I am sitting at a table all alone, caught up in the spirit emotionally and Satan whispering to me when up comes Susanne Scheppmann and she speaks! to me! I tried to speak but all I could do was cry. The dam broke, the tears flowed, she hugged me while I gathered my wits about me and then we talked. She assured me that many of the women there probably felt the same way I did and that over the next two days I would be fine. She gave me her cell phone number and told me to call her if I needed further encouragement or just needed to talk, hugged me and sat down one table over. I had to pinch myself because I couldn't believe that she came up and talked to little ole me, held me while I sobbed into her shoulder and encouraged me in my moment of weakness. It was in that moment I knew I had stepped into something so much greater than I had ever imagined. True unconditional Christ like love in the flesh. These Proverbs 31 women were the real deal. I was flying high.

By that time my table started to fill up and I met 5 very nice ladies and we had a lovely dinner while talking about our families and lives and how excited we were to be at the conference. All of us were first timers except one. She was there for her second go round and just as excited as her first time. As the meal wound down and it was time to go our separate ways I got a little nervous about the speakers group. What would the group be like? Who would be in there? How would the three minute talk go? (I felt ill prepared even though it was my story) And last but not least, how I would measure up against them? I knew we were not supposed to be in competition but using the three minute exercise to break the ice to get us prepared for our five minute presentation but the flesh is weak and it was hard in such an emotional state to put it aside.

But ya'll can I tell you that God is so good and merciful. By the time we were done with our talks I knew that He hand picked everyone of those women for our group for reasons only He knows and the blessings from the introduction was upon us all. We came in strangers and left sisters with a deeper understanding of how God uses us in our weakness to get the glory and the honor. I felt like I could have stayed there and talked all night even though I was tired from a very long and emotional day. I couldn't wait for Saturday evening and our five minute speeches. I just knew that if they were half as powerful as Friday's we were in for a treat.

Saturday's sessions flowed like a well oiled engine. I met more spirit filled women, learned so much about speaking do's and don'ts but mostly just basked in the glory of God. I skipped two sessions to work on my speech and felt that I was ready no matter what but the funny thing is I didn't say a third of what I had rehearsed. The spirit rose up in me and that was the end of that. The words that came out of my mouth were his and his alone. I was just the vessel he chose at that moment to say what he wanted to say.

I was amazed at the breathe of experience in the room and how we had all blossomed into beautiful roses overnight. Everyone did a fantastic job and although our styles were different, our presentations and visual aids varied it was all just as he orchestrated it to be. Our dinner was fabulous. In fact, the food for the entire weekend was very good. But what was truly amazing were all the wonderful speakers they had lined up for us. We had Renee Swope, Lysa Terkeurst, Angela Thomas, Beth Moore and Karen Ehman for our general sessions and for the break outs I had the pleasure of hearing from Micca Campbell, Whitney Capp, Mary Beth Whalen and Rachel Olsen.

I had so much love, wisdom and knowledge poured into me those two days I could scarcely take it in. We closed out with a worship service on Sunday morning that began with a message from Beth Moore and ended with Karen Ehman. Our hearts were full. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. My evaluation group sat together one last time, we took pictures and exchanged our information. Zoe Elmore, our evaluator, offered us a guest spot on her blog over the next couple of months and I am thrilled and in awe of her request.

I look forward to continuing what God has started through the connections with these awesome women. I'm already gearing up for next year's conference and continuing this journey into this calling bigger, better and bolder than before. Although this conference was called She Speaks! HE SPOKE! and I was blessed to be on the receiving end of his words!

The Tongue Can Be Your Worst Enemy

It took a long time for me to understand and accept this idea. First because we talk before we think and second because I never took the time to reason it out - put it to the test; but once I did, I realized just how true those words are.

In Proverbs 18:21 it says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

I interpret that to mean you speak it and so it is. That's very powerful and scary at the same time. Enough so that I have made it a practice to hold my tongue before speaking because I don't want to say the wrong thing, plant the wrong seed or curse myself or someone else by speaking without giving thought to what I'm putting out there. But that is hard to do and I am not perfect so there are times when I slip up.

If I’m not careful I can get caught up in my emotions and in an effort to handle them say what is on my mind over and over without thought to who I’m speaking it to and the validity or truth of my words and I can end up hurting people or even myself. Yes, I can apologize but the words are out there and I can’t take them back. Even if they are not “hurtful” they may portray someone in a light to someone who doesn’t need to know specific details about that person and ruin a relationship or trust based on my words in the heat of the moment. That is a heavy burden to carry especially if you are unaware that you have done so.

Then there is the gossip piece. I don’t consider myself a gossiper and dislike it when people do it on a continuous basis but have come to the realization that even if I say something to someone just in passing I am gossiping and so I find myself not saying anything at all or taking it to God. I’ll rant and rave to him about things, people and situations much faster than I would to my husband, friends or family because He is my safety net. He won’t let me get too far out of control without reigning me back in and pointing out my own faults while I’m dishing out on someone else. He’s good like that and I appreciate it as much as I hate it because it is humbling but also true.

In Hebrews 12:6 it says: “For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child."

And again in Proverbs 3:12 “For whom the LORD loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.”

And finally in Revelation 3:19 “'Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent.”

In the end I am grateful because I know that through his reproving and chastisement I grow closer to becoming what He desires me to be.

I don't know who wrote this but when it came in my mailbox this morning it brought this all to my mind. It definitely makes you think.

What are you saying and how is it affecting your life?


THE TONGUE CAN BE YOUR WORST ENEMY!

Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have power to create conditions in your life.

What you speak about, you can bring about.

If you keep saying you can't stand your job, you might lose your job.

If you keep saying you can't stand your body, your body can become sick.

If you keep saying you can't stand your car, your car could be stolen or just stop operating.

If you keep saying you're broke, guess what? You'll always be broke.

If you keep saying you can't trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you.

If you keep saying you can't find a job, you will remain unemployed.

If you keep saying you can't find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thought will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs.

If you keep talking about a divorce or break up in a relationship, then you might end up with it.

Turn your thoughts and conversations around to be more positive and power packed with faith, hope, love and action.

Don't be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve.

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settle for.

Thought I would share this with you.

"In the search for me, I discovered truth. In the search for truth, I discovered love. In the search for love, I discovered God. And in God, I have found everything."

In God's lap

I've had a very difficult week. Every day so far has brought it's fair share of challenges whether they be financial, physical or emotional. They have been enough to bring me down into the pit of anger, frustration, sorrow, self-pity and plain old emotional despair. During it all, I've been asking God for the answer to each of the situations and in my impatience and blindness due to the flesh being stronger than the spirit I've felt alone, lost and forgotten.

Often times when I look to God for answers, I find myself expecting His response to come in a particular way; overlooking what is right before me, whether it be in the Word, in the people he surrounds me with and even within myself. In my longing for answers, in my desire to get over the hurdles or out of the pit of despair, I have failed to take stock in the situation and appreciate it for what it is... an opportunity to get closer to Him. To allow Him to minister to me; to take me right here at my weakest point and make me strong in Him through my complete surrender to Him. It is during this time that I need to run towards him throwing my arms around his legs and embracing him. Feeling his presence and allowing his comfort and peace to soak into my wounds and soothe my fears. It is during this time that I need to crawl up into his lap and allow his arms to embrace me, stroke me and hold me until my cup is full and I can face the world and whatever it throws at me knowing I will not face it alone.

Three times this week He has revealed this to me and I have been blind to it. But when I received this devotional the light bulb went on and I got it! Truly got it. These words were spoken to me and I received them just as they were presented. No second guessing, no doubting and not in haste. I read it, re-read it and then went to her blog to further explore what else she was revealing and I was mightily blessed.

Have the situations of the week changed, disappeared or gotten better? No.

Do I have the answers or know what tomorrow will bring? No.

But I don't have to worry because the Father knows and He will take care of it. As for me, I'm going to continue sitting in His lap this weekend basking in the joy of Him and all He has to offer me.

I pray you are blessed in whatever you do and that these words will speak to your heart too.

For additional comments hop over to Lynn's blog.

Climb Up in His Lap
19 May 2010
Lynn Cowell

"..Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure, in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12 (NIV)

I thought I lost it!

I thought I lost one of the only things on this planet that is important to me: a delicate necklace that my husband gave me for our twentieth wedding anniversary. I looked on my necktie-turned-necklace rack. Not there. I unpacked my makeshift jewelry bag from my last trip. Not there. Was it stolen from our hotel room? I pulled out all my earrings. Not there. My heart was trying so hard to panic, but I knew I didn't want to go there. Still, I could never replace this necklace. I prayed. Even though it is an earthly possession, I knew Jesus would care about me.I had the thought...go back and check again. There, hidden behind a bulky set of baubles, I caught a twinkle. My small jewel.

Some days, I feel like I have lost things much greater to me than my pendant. I miss my father who went to be home with Jesus. I miss dear friendships from my old town that just aren't the same on FaceBook. I miss times when life was simpler - little children laughing and playing. I miss my old body and energy level!Do you have days when you mourn the loss of something important to you? A marriage that is no longer? A friend who moved away? A child gone astray? A parent who passed?

The writer of Psalm 73 certainly felt loss. Starting in verse 2 he says, "But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold." He goes on speaking of the struggle he feels as he looks at those around him who seemed to have it all together. Then in verse 23 his heart comes back around to the truth about God: "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

The writer says, "I almost lost it! But then I remembered who I am; like a child with his father, you take my hand. I remembered who You are. You are all that I need." He laid aside his pain as God's strength came in with comfort and strength. Fear and frustration became faith.Sometimes, pain or uncomfortable circumstances try to block us from seeing our treasured thing. It is hard to see God at work. We may think that we won't experience love again or that a relationship we treasured can never be restored. That is when we need our faith to help us to keep believing that God is in our situation and He will help us to find His treasures again.

Maybe you have experienced a loss, or maybe like my delicate necklace behind the hefty beads, you just can't see the good because of the bigger-than-life things that surround you. Breathe deep and take a moment to pray. Deuteronomy 33:12 says we are to rest between his shoulders. You know what is right between his shoulders? His heart! That is a place of peace, warmth and love. He wants to pull you into His lap so you can find the rest and peace you need for today.

Dear Lord, sometimes my sense of loss is a dull ache, other days it threatens to engulf me and I feel like I can hardly breathe. Today, Lord, I choose to climb in Your lap and lean against Your heart and find comfort in You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

So Amazing

We serve an awesome God. He is truly amazing. I marvel daily at all the ways in which He chooses to interact in my life. I awake each morning to a new day, a new chance to walk a little closer to Him and fulfill my purpose here. Mercy and grace anew each day is his promise to us and I bask in that knowledge. Some days I've used my quota before getting to work and others I feel that I've done pretty good at the end of the day by way of purposing my life, my thoughts and my actions to be mindful of His mercy and grace throughout the day.

As I take my morning walks and soak in all He has given us it leaves me amazed. This morning was a glorious morning for a walk. Nice breeze blowing, birds chirping, sun peeking through the clouds and me and God communing as I huffed and puffed around the neighborhood. I constantly wonder at how He uses times like these to reveal himself and all his wisdom and glory to one so unworthy as I. The understanding I get when I just allow the holy spirit to minister to me and stop trying to reason it all out for myself. Letting go and letting God is hard but boy are the blessings that flow from it worth it.

Every day is...

In less than 48 hours millions of women all over the world will be receiving breakfast in bed, flowers, home-made cards, bathrobes, body wash, jewelry and an assortment of brunches, dinners, desserts, etc. in celebration of Mother’s Day.

I appreciate the fact that we take time out each year to celebrate mom’s, dad’s and now even grandparents but feel conflicting emotions about why we do it.

In my book it ranks up there with Valentine’s Day. A day I don’t see any real value to. I don’t really get into it because I don’t feel that we should be told to show our love on any given day, in any particular way. Love is not something that can be brought by giving someone a box of chocolates or a dozen roses no more than you can say thanks to your mom, dad or grandparents with a card, a bouquet of flowers or a nice dinner somewhere.

If you have children then you know that every day is Mother’s, Father’s or Grandparent’s day. Parenthood is one of the greatest gifts God could bestow upon us, after the gift of mercy and grace brought to us through his son, Jesus Christ, who died for our sins.

Not everyone will have the opportunity to be a parent and nor does everyone desire that blessing. But when it happens to you and you embrace it for what it is, the blessings you receive from it outweigh any gift anyone could possibly give you as way of thanks.

I have never felt that a thank you was ever needed for the gift of my children. In fact, I feel that I am the one who should be thanking God for these blessings that He has allowed me to have in my life for however long He chooses to share them with me. They are not mine forever but merely on loan. It is an awesome responsibility; one that I take very seriously. It is my job to instill in them a solid foundation of God and his truth so that they can carry out the plan He has designed for each of their lives.

We were taught in the Bible to “honor our parents” as one of the original Ten Commandments. This is not a one time thing but a continuous act throughout our lives. It is what we do when we take what they have instilled in us and use it for the greater good. It is what we do when we sift the good from the bad and focus on the good. It is the inheritance we leave to our children. They will mirror our patterns. How we treat our parents will show them how to treat us when we get older. The love, respect and reverence we place upon our parents will flow down to our children and when we are gone they will know what to do not just from our words but most especially from our actions.


Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.”

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 11:18-19 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

We are also taught in the Word how to raise our children. Parenting is not an easy job.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

You will make mistakes; you will have trials and tribulation. Some will bring deep, gut wrenching heartbreak and others joy so overwhelming you won’t know how to contain it. There are no manuals, road maps or detailed instructions that will make your job any easier than what you will find in the Bible. The principles laid out in there will get you through the toughest of times and help you enjoy the good times even more.

Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

God holds children in the highest esteem and so should we. Yes, there are times when you would rather deny the existence of your children, long for your single days or declare war on the world should someone call you “mommy” for the gazillionth time but those moments are fleeting as is the time that we have with our children. I have learned much from them. They keep me humble. I have learned how to love unconditionally, to put off the selfish part of me in sacrifice for their needs, wants and desires. I have become stronger yet weaker and evolved into a totally different person as a result of having these children in my life. They are not burdens; they are not the reason for our failures. They should not carry our shame, bear the brunt of our anger or frustration. They are innocent in His eyes. They did not ask to be here and surely if they bring such joy to God they can bring some joy to you.

I understand that not all children are alike. Some have issues physically, mentally and psychologically that require a great deal of patience and restraint but with God, friends and family we can still have times of great delight with these children. They are blessings from God. Wonderful, marvelous blessings that can carry on our legacy for generations to come when we do what is required of us. Love them unconditionally, without malice, without prejudice, without restraint. Treating each one as the individual that he/she is. No preconceived notions just accepting them for who they are. Take time to listen to them, to "hear" them, to understand their needs. Each one is different but each one is special.

Psalms 144:12 Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace.

Proverbs 14:26 He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.

3 John 4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

Luke 18:15-17 People were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them; and when the disciples saw it, they sternly ordered them not to do it. But Jesus called for them and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it."

Matthew 18:1-5 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, " Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a child, whom he put among the, and said, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me."

So while my kids, my gifts from God, spend the next 48 hours attempting to shower me with love, gifts and platitudes of thanks I will be giving God thanks, praise and honor for allowing me to enjoy them for such a time as this. Knowing that thanks from them is not necessary but hearing the words from His mouth on my day of judgement, "well done, thy good and faithful servant" will be all the thanks I could ever hope for.

I Am...

the same, yet different.

I look the same, dress the same and if you were to interact with me you won’t know that there is a change yet I know that I am different. I feel like I am in a different place. I don’t quite know how to explain it but things are just different.

I’ve had thoughts running around my head for weeks now but just haven’t had the desire to put them down on paper but the fact that they keep surfacing tells me they need to get out.

My quiet time in the morning came to a halt three weeks ago and I’ve had a hard time restarting it. In some ways I miss it, in others I don’t. I feel like it lost its purpose and therefore I needed to take a break and rethink the whole process. In fact, I believe that is what is different. I’m rethinking everything; from the inside out, from the top to the bottom. I’m not in a settling mood any longer. I’ve been settled for far too long and that has to stop. I feel like I’m lukewarm in my walk with Christ right now and it’s not a fun place to be or even a place that He likes for us to be in.

“So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.” Revelation 3:16 (NKJV)

I’ve gotten complacent with going to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and serving on my committee but there is no real zeal or passion behind it. Our lessons are truly awesome and inspirational. I take notes, nod my head and get inspired for the moment but when the moment has passed I’m right back to the nothingness. It’s like I’m there but I’m not.

I’m honest, if I’m nothing else, and lately I just haven’t felt like I’m in the right places doing the right things. I have some loose ends that need to be wrapped up but then I feel like I need to step down and move on because where they are going is not the right path for me.

I've been busy focusing on everyone else's vision and dream and allowed mine to get buried in the process. As I've been refocusing, listening, reviewing and allowing my spirit to minister to me I've been able to hear - truly hear what it's been saying to me. What others have been saying to me and what God has been working on inside of me.

It has re-ignited my passion for the spoken and unspoken word. The thoughts that are not my own but from Him who called me and I have to put them out there. Not for myself but in obedience to what is on my heart and my mind. They won't always be popular. They won't always be easy to understand and digest but for those that are seeking they will answer the questions. They will reaffirm and reassure. They will infuse and ignite the sparks that have been dormant for many years waiting for this moment.

FREE

I have had one of the best weeks of my life this week. The only way to describe it is FREE. The millstone that has weighed me down for my entire life has been cut from my neck. This whole week has been one filled with confirmation after confirmation from scriptures, music, devotionals and notes from friends and family. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life that care about me and support me, but my greatest blessings come from God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. They have ministered to me this week through the Word in ways I never thought possible. It’s like the blinders were lifted and verses I’ve read time and time again now have new meaning. All those scriptures I have hidden up in my heart are being released unto me and giving me great hope, joy and understanding of everything that has transpired in my life.

I found this week, through my prayer and study time, that I have a great love for my mother; much deeper than I would have imagined. The love I have for her is the love of Christ, which is a love that releases her from the burden of fulfilling me in ways that she cannot. This is a love that transcends our fleshy selves but focuses on the spiritual being in each of us. It’s not about her approval, her love or her acceptance. It is a love for the woman that gave birth to me. Although there were times when I was ok with the thought of not being here, I am grateful for the life she gave me. It is the love that allows forgiveness for hurts real and imagined; for shortcomings and ignorance. It is a love that we should have for each other when we accept Christ into our lives and proclaim Him to be our Lord and Savior. The second greatest command that He gave us “…You shall love your neighbor as yourself…” Mark 12:31 (KJV)

This week I discovered that I am free to live my life and walk out the destiny God has for me instead of seeking for something I was never destined to find or have from the world. I now understand the scripture “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” in Matthew 6:33 (KJV) in a way I couldn’t have before. I have been looking to my mother for her approval, her love and her acceptance when all along I should have been looking to God first. He will provide all those things to me: love, approval, acceptance and peace indescribable peace when I follow His Word. I have walked in this blessing all week.

One of my devotionals this week also reaffirmed to me that I have been putting too much emphasis on the relationship with my mother and helped me keep the focus on where my priorities should be. Mary Welchel of the Christian Working Woman had this life lesson in her transcripts for Wednesday at www.thechristianworkingwoman.org. I have highlighted the words that resounded in my ears as I heard it on the radio and leapt off the page as I read them.

Life Lesson #5: Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
You know, I often remind myself that people aren't thinking about me nearly as much as I think they're thinking about me! Isn't it true that we often put ourselves under unnecessary stress by just taking ourselves too seriously! We worry about what others will think of us and that can become an obsession. What others think about you is not your business, so let it go!

Here's the secret: Make it your passion to care very much about what God thinks about you. Pray daily that God will grow you into the mature Christian he wants you to be. Let God's Word reveal areas in your life that need changing, and then by God's grace, work on them. Care very much about what God thinks about you.

But stop worrying about what others think about you. Stop imagining what they're thinking or saying. First of all, you'll never please everyone, no matter how hard you try. And secondly, have you ever thought about how wrong it is to care more about what other people think of you than you do about what God thinks about you? Remember, it's not all about you; it's all about God and what he wants to do with your life. So, don't take yourself so seriously.

Also this week I listened to my worship music and found great peace and solace at the words I heard from Kirk Franklin, CeCe Winans, Toby Mac, Mandisa, Marvin Sapp, Youth for Christ, J Moss, James Fortune & Fyre and many more.

The greatest joy came when I shouted the words to “Imagine Me” with Kirk Franklin, especially the chorus “Gone, gone, all gone, all my scars, pain; in the past. What your mother did, what your father did, gone, gone, all gone.” And it is… All gone. Everything that I held against her, all the hurt, all the pain, all the scars, gone. I am FREE.

Thank you Lord for I am free.

Free at last, free at last, Lord God Almighty, I am free at last!