She Speaks! A Recap

It's hard to believe that almost two weeks ago I was sitting in the lobby of the Embassy Suites hotel feeling like I had made the most horrific mistake of my life. At first it was fun watching everyone come and go but by the opening session I was deep in the throes of a panic attack in my mind of major proportion and my stomach was in knots. As I watched women of all sizes, shapes and colors flow back and forth through the lobby looking confident, secure and so well put together, even in their travel gear, I found myself comparing myself to them and feeling ever so inadequate. They exuded peace, joy, spirituality and confidence that I was not feeling. Had I not been dropped off by my husband and daughter I dare to think I would have hopped in the car and raced back to Richmond and the security of my own little world. After all, who in the world did I think I was or what right did I have to be there attending that conference. I just didn't feel like I belonged.

In the midst of this tangent going on in my head I had to change from my travel clothes to my conference clothes but I didn't have a room so I headed to the lobby restroom, squeezed into a stall and proceeded to change. It was tight, it was frustrating and I was already feeling so emotional that I thought this was going to do me in. As I stepped out of the stall I realized I was not alone. Out of the stall 3 doors down stepped an angel. My first smiling, friendly face and when she spoke to me my heart leaped. We chatted as we put on makeup and soon became fast buddies. Tammy Nischan was my first conference friend. I was thrilled. We parted and headed to our first session with a promise to hook up there and we did. She had to duck out early for a meeting with a publisher but she sure did help me settle my first round of nerves. We bumped into each other several times over the conference, had our picture taken together and promised to stay in touch and we will. I now have a friend in Kentucky and one of these days when that travel bugs hits me I'll hit the road and look her up. In the meantime thanks to modern technology we'll stay connected via our blogs, facebook and such.

After our first session we had a couple of hours to kill until time for the opening general session and so again I sat in the lobby waiting for the arrival of my roommate and a room to be assigned to us. We were late getting to the opening session as they had finally found a room for us at 3:55 and we took our stuff to the room before going. In the dark we found a seat at the front of the room next to the screens and the speakers. Up close and personal you could call it. Lysa Terkeurst gave the most awesome opening speech, the music was just right and the spirit was high in the room. I was overcome with emotion and feeling very lost and alone as the lights came up and I looked out over this sea of amazing women and thought wow, how awesome is this and in the same breath it was replaced with what are you doing here?

So here I am sitting at a table all alone, caught up in the spirit emotionally and Satan whispering to me when up comes Susanne Scheppmann and she speaks! to me! I tried to speak but all I could do was cry. The dam broke, the tears flowed, she hugged me while I gathered my wits about me and then we talked. She assured me that many of the women there probably felt the same way I did and that over the next two days I would be fine. She gave me her cell phone number and told me to call her if I needed further encouragement or just needed to talk, hugged me and sat down one table over. I had to pinch myself because I couldn't believe that she came up and talked to little ole me, held me while I sobbed into her shoulder and encouraged me in my moment of weakness. It was in that moment I knew I had stepped into something so much greater than I had ever imagined. True unconditional Christ like love in the flesh. These Proverbs 31 women were the real deal. I was flying high.

By that time my table started to fill up and I met 5 very nice ladies and we had a lovely dinner while talking about our families and lives and how excited we were to be at the conference. All of us were first timers except one. She was there for her second go round and just as excited as her first time. As the meal wound down and it was time to go our separate ways I got a little nervous about the speakers group. What would the group be like? Who would be in there? How would the three minute talk go? (I felt ill prepared even though it was my story) And last but not least, how I would measure up against them? I knew we were not supposed to be in competition but using the three minute exercise to break the ice to get us prepared for our five minute presentation but the flesh is weak and it was hard in such an emotional state to put it aside.

But ya'll can I tell you that God is so good and merciful. By the time we were done with our talks I knew that He hand picked everyone of those women for our group for reasons only He knows and the blessings from the introduction was upon us all. We came in strangers and left sisters with a deeper understanding of how God uses us in our weakness to get the glory and the honor. I felt like I could have stayed there and talked all night even though I was tired from a very long and emotional day. I couldn't wait for Saturday evening and our five minute speeches. I just knew that if they were half as powerful as Friday's we were in for a treat.

Saturday's sessions flowed like a well oiled engine. I met more spirit filled women, learned so much about speaking do's and don'ts but mostly just basked in the glory of God. I skipped two sessions to work on my speech and felt that I was ready no matter what but the funny thing is I didn't say a third of what I had rehearsed. The spirit rose up in me and that was the end of that. The words that came out of my mouth were his and his alone. I was just the vessel he chose at that moment to say what he wanted to say.

I was amazed at the breathe of experience in the room and how we had all blossomed into beautiful roses overnight. Everyone did a fantastic job and although our styles were different, our presentations and visual aids varied it was all just as he orchestrated it to be. Our dinner was fabulous. In fact, the food for the entire weekend was very good. But what was truly amazing were all the wonderful speakers they had lined up for us. We had Renee Swope, Lysa Terkeurst, Angela Thomas, Beth Moore and Karen Ehman for our general sessions and for the break outs I had the pleasure of hearing from Micca Campbell, Whitney Capp, Mary Beth Whalen and Rachel Olsen.

I had so much love, wisdom and knowledge poured into me those two days I could scarcely take it in. We closed out with a worship service on Sunday morning that began with a message from Beth Moore and ended with Karen Ehman. Our hearts were full. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. My evaluation group sat together one last time, we took pictures and exchanged our information. Zoe Elmore, our evaluator, offered us a guest spot on her blog over the next couple of months and I am thrilled and in awe of her request.

I look forward to continuing what God has started through the connections with these awesome women. I'm already gearing up for next year's conference and continuing this journey into this calling bigger, better and bolder than before. Although this conference was called She Speaks! HE SPOKE! and I was blessed to be on the receiving end of his words!

Change

The definition is of change is: to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone; to transform or convert.

I feel several different ways about change. They contradict each other but they are true nonetheless.

Change is good. It brings about lots of new opportunities; exciting adventures, growth and/or transformation into something greater than what you are.

I embrace change and look for it every where I go. As a type A personality change is paramount in my life because I’m always looking for ways to go from good, to better, to best in my quest for perfectionism.

On the other hand, change is hard, it’s scary and I run from it. Life is just fine the way it is so why do things have to change?

Change leaves me feeling lost, discombobulated and totally out of control. I know control is a perception and not a reality but change shatters that perception and I don’t like that.

My life has been fraught with change for the past 9 years. Some good, some bad, some necessary and some too painful to put into words, but change nonetheless.

I can’t say that I want things to go back the way they were but sometimes I long for things to slow down and stay the same just so I can catch my breath. Right now I feel as if my world is spinning out of control at the speed of sound and if it doesn’t stop soon and let me off I’m going to lose my cookies.

The past six weeks have been surreal. I woke up one day, went to work, got a call to come to the hospital and nothing has been the same since then. For 6 days we kept a bedside vigil for the shell of a man that would never have the opportunity to speak to us and impart his wisdom again. We disconnected life support and 20 minutes later my dad died. Not only did he die but a piece of each of us went with him. The most frustrating part of this is that we don’t know why and might never have an answer. We had a week to prepare for the funeral and there was a lot to be done including living our lives which most of us did on automatic pilot. Four weeks ago we put his body to rest in the family cemetery, had a repast at the church and friends and family went home, back to their lives and we were left to do the same except we can’t because life as we knew it doesn’t exist any longer.

Change had landed on my doorstep once again; uninvited, unwelcome and so very unfairly.

Yet I know that this change is meant to stretch me and take me to the next level. Greater dependence and trust in God. Instead of calling my dad each morning I will have to call on God. When I have something weighing heavy on me I can’t call the farm and get the voice of wisdom on all things in the earthly realm I’ll have to retreat to my quiet place and lay it all at the Master’s feet and allow him to minister to my soul, my ear gates and my eye gates. When I need comfort and solace or a swift kick in the rear to get me off my pity pot I’ll have to turn to God who will provide the necessary remedy and just when I think I can’t take anymore He will lift me up and carry me through until I am strong enough to stand again on my own just as He has done time and time again. I know these things, I trust these things but I still resist the changes that take place in my life that bring me back full circle into the arms of the one who is never changing and thankfully so.

Eleven days ago I experienced another change. A life affirming change that has been three years in the making. I attended the She Speaks! Conference in North Carolina hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries. It was a wonderful event. 600 women for all across the United States and Canada together for 2 full days of fellowship, teaching, training and change. I went from wondering to confirmation, from feeling out of place to feeling like I finally belonged. I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions that can only come from the Holy Spirit ministering to your soul and I felt release, healing and awakening. It was revealing and refreshing. I was renewed and inspired. It was a blessed time. I made new friends and reconnected with old ones and look forward to seeing how they will grow from here. The changes that took place this time around were the kind that challenge you to grow, to become, to do something a little different from what you normally would. It's the kind of change that beckons at you emotionally and spiritually. It's a call to change your life and live it to your God given potential.

It made me think about something I read by John Maxwell in his book "Thinking for a Change: 11 Ways Highly Successful People Approach Life and Work."

Thinking for a Change

1. Changing your thinking, changes your beliefs.

2. Changing your beliefs, changes your expectations.

3. Changing your expectations, changes your attitude

4. Changing your attitude, changes your behaviour.

5. When I change my behavior, I change my performance.

6. When I change my performance, I change my LIFE!

This is the kind of change I like. It's full of hope, it's full of promise but it is also dependent on me. So if nothing changes, nothing changes and the fault therein lies with me.

I don't like change, I like things to stay the same and I'm glad that my Heavenly Father is the unchangeable thing in my life.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8 (NLT)

I like knowing that no matter what I do or don't do that I have his unconditional love as a constant but when/if I do step out and make a change that puts me in tune to what He desires for my life I like knowing that there is a whole other world awaiting me. I can only imagine what blessings, adventures, and experiences that he desires for my life to have when I change my thinking, my beliefs, my expectations, my attitude, my behavior and my performance from my way to His way.

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2 (NLT)

Under Attack

In four days I will be in Concord, NC attending the She Speaks! Conference presented by Proverbs 31 Ministries. I have been prompted to attend this conference for the past three years and have never been able to pull it off due to scheduling, finances, childcare, etc. And finally this year it has all come together... almost. Can I tell you how busy the enemy is in my life right now. Do I even have to energy to list out the ways that he is attacking me? As you can imagine, some of the most off the wall things have taken place; are trying to trip me up and just flat out make me throw in the towel. The drama at my house has been incredible this past weekend and today is off to another great start but I will not be moved. I am going even if I have to put my thumb out there and hitch a ride!

I trust that God has this all worked out and that if I do my part then He has to do his. We have walked this path together to get to this point and I don't think for a second that he would bring me this far to leave me but the enemy is a formidable opponent and I can't let down my guard because if I do the results could be devastating.

With that said, please pray for me this week. Pray for my household, my children, my husband. Pray for peace in the midst of the chaos. Pray for wisdom and knowledge to discern what is the will of God and what is the trickery of the enemy. Pray for traveling safety. And last, but not least, pray for me.

Pray that as I put my speeches to bed that the words that I have come up with are the words that God has for me to share. That I will not be nervous and that the spirit will lead and guide me so that when I am presenting they will see God and not me. Pray that His light will shine through me and he will get the glory out of what I say. Pray that my ears, eyes and heart will be open and receptive to the teachings from the speakers, the judges and the 600 sisters in Christ who will be attending the conference with me this weekend.

Pray that I will be strengthened in my mind to let go and let God. That I will remain focused on Him during this week and not get caught up in everything that is happening all around me. Pray that I have the wherewithal to understand that I cannot change what is happening but I don't have to allow it to affect me, my focus and get me off track from where my mind should be. Pray that I won't let my emotions get the best of me and that as the week progresses that I will begin to have anticipation and joy about the good things that are awaiting me at the conference.

And while you are praying for me, know that I will be praying for you to help take the focus off of my situation and find peace in being of service to others.

Bring what you have

The responses for sponsorship to the She Speaks! conference in July have been good. I'm truly humbled by those that have offered to assist in raising the money needed to attend this conference. I approached this assignment with much fear and trepidation because it has never been easy for me to ask for help. I have always preferred to be the one giving it. However, I knew that the only way I could make this journey would be to step out on faith, put it out there and let it reach the masses. It was my time to offer other's the opportunity to sow into something so much greater than I, His Kingdom. I know that this is His will for my life and the opportunity is now. I have to be obedient to His call.

The one common thread in every one's response has been. "I don't have much, but I will send what I can."

These words have pricked the deepest recesses of my heart for I know how it feels to want to do something but felt that what little I had to offer couldn't make a difference and so I did nothing at all which led to me feeling even worse because of my lack of action. I must tell you that nothing could be further from the truth.

The God we serve is an awesome God and nothing is impossible for our God according to his word.

"For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37(NIV)

Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." Luke 18:27(NIV)

Our God parted the Red Sea, saved Daniel in the lions den, healed the lepers and raised Lazarus from the dead. He blessed the widows oil to fill all the vessels and not run out.

If he could do all of that for them then why can't he take what little you have to offer me and not bless it to be what it needs to be? I know that He can and He will.

Karen Ehman of Proverbs 31 broke it down in this devotional in such a way that put it into perspective for me. I have linked her blog to this so you can read the entire devotional but this piece was what stirred things up for me.

'"How many loaves do you have?' he asked. 'Go and see.' When they found out, they said, 'Five—and two fish.'" Mark 6:38 (NIV)

In Mark 6:35-44, Jesus performs the miracle of feeding the 5000 men. The disciples told Him that they didn't have enough to feed the crowd. They were ready to give up. I love the question that He asks them in our verse today: "Well, what do you have? Go and see." When they turned over what they did have to Him, He was able to multiply it beyond what they could have imagined.

So many times I come to Him and say the same: "I just have this little tiny bit...of money, of time, of resources, of energy."

And He says, "Bring what you have to me. That's all I ask. Let me take care of it from here."

So I ask what little you might have to give? You might not be able to give $1000. But you could give $10. You might not be able to pledge hours and hours to serve at church. But you can serve once a month for one hour. You might not feel comfortable speaking to crowds. But you're great at sharing what God's doing in your life one-on-one. You might not be able to lead a prayer ministry. But you can pray for a friend who needs it, even if it seems like you're too late.

Let God take your little and make it much.

http://www.proverbs31.org/speakingministry/speakerteam/MaryBethWhalen.php

Thank you for your little. I am watching Him make it much!

God bless.

Stepping out on faith

“She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26

What God has for me, is for me and I know what God has laid on my heart. I have run from this call for too long now. I won't, I can't let this pass me by again. I humbly come before you asking you to support me in this cause. If you feel led by the spirit to help build up the kingdom by supporting those who are answering the call God has placed on their life then consider helping me. I have laid out the particulars on how you can support me below and would be happy to answer any other questions you might have regarding my decision to attend this particular conference, if you will leave your questions in the comments. Even if you don't feel led to help financially, your prayers for me as I step out on faith and into the call would be greatly appreciated!

Scholarship Information

She Speaks is a life-changing conference for women seeking to explore the tug on their hearts to reach out to the world for Jesus. Hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries for the past nine years, She Speaks encourages and equips women as they communicate God's Word through writing, speaking and leadership through the following:

She Writes: (Writers Track) From basic writing guidelines to preparing an article or manuscript for submission, and everything in between. In addition, the opportunity to meet one-on-one with some of the top editors, publishers, and literary agents in the Christian market.
She Speaks: (Speakers Track) Whether speaking in a large arena or leading Bible studies in church, participants will be equipped with the tools needed to effectively share the Word of God, create a bio sheet, market her ministry, and give successful presentations.
She Leads: (Women's Ministry Track) This track is specifically designed for women's ministry directors and facilitators. Included are creative ways to reach her community with the life-transforming hope of Jesus, organize small groups, select a team of volunteers, plan successful events, and network with other directors.

Sharing God’s truth with love is not only a holy calling but a remarkable responsibility. The Lord has laid it on my heart to attend She Speaks in July/August, 2010. I trust He will provide a way financially for me to go, and I would like to invite you to be a part of this life-changing conference! Will you prayerfully consider partnering with me through a financial contribution towards a scholarship that will allow me to attend?

As you feel led to join me in this exciting call, there are two ways to participate. You can call Proverbs 31 Ministries at 877-731-4663 to contribute or send a check payable to Proverbs 31 Ministries to:

Proverbs 31 Ministries

She Speaks Scholarship/

Kimberly Dunham-Christian

616-G Matthews-Mint Hill Road

Matthews, NC 28105

Please be sure to designate the scholarship in my name in order to credit my scholarship fund. You will be receipted for your tax-deductible donation. For more information: www.shespeaksconference.com.

May the Lord bless you as you pray about giving towards equipping the saints for the Kingdom of God! I appreciate your thoughtfulness so much and could not do this without you being a very important part.

Warmest blessings!

Kimberly

My Passion

My passion is Speaking. Imparting wisdom, knowledge and power to those in the audience as the Holy Spirit directs my path. I love speaking to women; encouraging them, letting them know that there is someone out there that gets what they are going through, that cares and is there for them.

I am a survivor of this world we live in. I have survived sexual assault, domestic violence, self-loathing and hatred and the desire to end it all until I found God. Truly found Him, let him in my life and embraced the love that He so freely gives us all.

I yearn, with all my heart, to take all that I have learned and impart it into others. I want to laugh with them; cry with them; and grow with them as they embark on a deeper, closer relationship with Him. I don't want to be silent any more. I want my voice to go out and be heard so that all that God has imparted in me can be used. It was not designed to stay bottled up inside of me but I've been holding back and holding on to it scared to take the next step. Scared to try for fear of failure but the biggest failure of all would be in not stepping out on my faith and the desire He has placed on my heart.

I know that it is time to let it go; to take the passion that God has planted inside of me and go to the next level. Being able to attend She Speaks! will get me one step closer to the dream.

I have applied for their scholarship and pray that if it is God's will that I will win or that I will find someone who will sow the cost of the conference into my life so I can do what He has called me to do.

What is your passion and what are you doing to fulfill it in your life? Everyone has one. We were designed for a purpose. Have you found yours?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

She Speaks! Conference

She Speaks is a life-changing conference for women of every generation seeking to explore the tug on her heart to reach out to the world for Jesus. Through She Speaks, Proverbs 31 Ministries encourages and equips women who are called by God to share our mission to bring God’s peace, perspective and purpose to today’s busy woman. Sharing God’s truth with love is not only a holy calling but a remarkable responsibility. We believe by equipping women to become more effective at sharing the Word of God, we multiply our efforts to reach a hurting world with the life-transforming hope of Jesus.

Our entire team invites you to be a part of this life-changing conference and look forward to sharing our lives with you. It is our prayer that during this year’s conference, God will validate old dreams and inspire new ones.

I look forward to meeting you at our conference this year!

LeAnn RiceConference DirectorExecutive Director, Proverbs 31 Ministriesmailto:MinistriesLeAnn@Proverbs31.org

Any given day...

Hello Kimberly,

It's Angela from the Joyce Meyer conference, i just wanted to say hello and see how you have doing.

How has everything been working out for you since getting back from the conference? Still walking in victory i pray Have you been able to read that book?

I hope and pray all is going great up your way let me know.

Hey Angela,

Great of you to drop me a line. I'm sorry I haven't taken the time to follow up myself but I did do a post on my blog about the conference and all that transpired there including meeting you and how much I enjoyed the connection.

I had good intentions when we left to keep in touch and keep that fire burning inside once I returned home and I so want to tell you that things have been great but that would be a lie. Not that anything catastrophic has happened but "the world" has crowded out my fire since I've been back home.

I made great goals in my mind (1st mistake - must write goals down and post where they can be seen) of things I wanted to do/change when I got home but never got around to it. I've been reading the book at a snail's pace which is very bad for someone like me who reads 1 or 2 books in a week. But what I have been reading has been good for me and I'm meditating on it. The book sits on my desk where it is a reminder of what I need to be doing or making time for but it's all a matter of priorities right now.

On any given day our lives spiral out of our control and we don't get around to the things we deem important because we're too busy taking care of what other people put on our plate; at least that's what I used to think but now I know differently.

On any given day I can get around to the things I want to if I prioritize my life accordingly. I can get up at 5:00 instead of laying in the bed for an extra 30 - 45 minutes and have my quiet time with Him. I can read the book, make my notes, read my scriptures and have my prayer time "if" that's my priority. The choice is mine and I've spent too much time blaming this, that, and the other for my lack of control instead of grabbing it by the horns and taking it back.

I can have personal time at night instead of watching that TV show that adds no value to my life and probably have a easier night's rest because of what my last thoughts were focused on versus the garbage I allow in my mind via the television.

Again, it's a matter of choosing what is important to me on any given day. It's too funny that I got this note from you today and the CD I was listening to at work today is from Joyce - one of the partner messages entitled "Be All You Can Be". She talked about doing what we are supposed to do and to keep on doing it until we see the results that we want. Her one major take away was "Do Not Give Up!" and I have to admit I am guilty of that too often because I let all the things that are going on around me overwhelm me and loose sight of what I was going after. It's not like I quit but I put it on the back burner and can rationalize that I will get to it again with "stuff changes" but it's not the stuff that needs to change it's me. How much do I want it , how important is it to me and how committed am I to making the change to get the desired outcome.

I can relate this to my better half because he's been watching the basketball playoffs and what I found to be really amazing is how these teams can play the same team for 7 games and no two games are the same because depending on each player's mindset on any given night and how well the team is focused on the prize. Hence the title of this post and this whole muse.

Yes, I am still walking in victory. I haven't looked back on that situation and allowed those old feelings to overcome me again. I've made great steps to continue my healing. I've faced new challenges and struggle with whether I'm making the right choices or allowing Satan too much control over my emotions, when I find myself overwhelmed, depressed and even angry about things which have nothing to do with me directly since I know I can just release it to God and say, "Do what you will Lord, I let it go" because I am not there yet on a consistent basis. But all is not lost because I realize what I can say and should say a lot quicker than before.

I'm speaking things out which builds my faith by "hearing and hearing by the Word" and then the belief gets stronger. In time, I know that it will be like breathing to me and I will be through another phase in my life. I'm looking at this like the journey of a butterfly. I am in the caterpillar phase where I am eating all the leaves I can while dodging my natural enemies until I get to the cocoon stage where all of this will wrap me up and keep me protected until my time to come out of the cocoon and morph into what God wants me to be.

Wow, I didn't realize all of that until I stopped, slowed my mind down and put these thoughts out here. Thank you for giving me the motivation to do just that. I really need to stop and meditate on things more often. I'd probably be amazed at all that has transpired in my mind if I could focus on it a little bit more.

I'm anxiously awaiting the Cd's from the conference to study in conjunction with my notes and look forward to even more blessings and transformations to take place as I continue to feast and flow in the spirit of the fruits.

I can't wait to get an update from you.

Take care.