My Inspiration

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Psalm 63:1 (NIV)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I live hard.

I love hard.

I play hard.

I throw caution to the wind.

I wear my heart shamelessly on my sleeve.

I believe that everyone (including myself) is inherently capable of goodness no matter what obstacles they face in life, no matter the trials, the bad examples and the trouble that has found them because that's how God designed us.

I have survived fatal fiery darts from the enemy but I have my share of scars where I have been skewered during my life.

I am in a flux.

I am afraid, determined, resigned, hopeless and hopeful.

I am waiting, wishing, fearful, dejected and confused.

I am NOT in control

I am desiring the best but willing to accept something less if it takes me away from where I am now...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Calling All Women

Although this commentary from an unknown author is geared at women of color. I know for a fact that the biases, the jealousies and the actions imparted in this writing cross the color barrier. Every woman has faced these types of things but it has been publicized more predominately by women of color.

We can get along, we can have fulfilling relationships across all barriers of race, size, shape, nationality, religious belief and lifestyle choices. All of us at some point in our lives has needed, longed and prayed for someone (in the physical) to love, understand, and empathize with our situations; to give us a hug when we are hurting, a smile when we are down and a hand up when we have fallen down and can't get up by ourselves. In other words we have needed a true FRIEND/SISTER.

I hope you will read this and take away something that brings you to a different point in your life. One that says enough is enough and that you start making a difference in the lives of the women you come in contact with on a daily basis. Don't sit back and wait for someone else to start the new cycle. Let it begin with you and you and you...

Women of Color - Author Unknown

When I first heard of the movie "For Colored Girls" I got so excited. I had the idea of getting as many women together that I could think of to go see this movie. I had visions of group discussions and moments shared with one another that would lead to healing and growth. I guess I kind of imagined a Women's Empowerment Conference type of setting.

Well, after I shared my idea with a few women, reality set in and I realized that so many of us wouldn't be willing to participate for various reasons: You don't like me, you don't care for somebody I might invite, you only hang out with certain people, you don't understand the big deal about Tyler Perry making yet another movie about black people and our issues for all the world to see, you don't like crowds, so is too ghetto, such and such is too uppity etc... It has ALWAYS amazed me that we as black women are each others biggest critics. We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each others' faults and nit pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left to give and then we step over her and call her worthless. We take the prettiest women and tear them down for thinking "they are cute" but turn around and dog the average sista because "she know she should take better care of herself than that - can't believe she got a man!" We call strong women female dogs and accuse weaker women of riding somebody else's coat tails. We tell a big sista to put down her burger and turn around and criticize a skinny woman for not picking one up. We ride the loud mouth woman for "talking too darn much" and likewise torment the quiet woman for "Being too quiet and needing to take up for herself" Sad part is we don't discriminate, we talk about everybody!!!

I've watched women dog out everybody from Oprah for catering to white people and Halle Berry for not being able to keep a man to young Willow Smith for acting too darn grown in her recent video. All of these females are successful and there is something about each one of them to be proud of but a lot of us can't seem to see that. I have to wonder since we all share a common thread (whether we want to admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don't like; what has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along? Why is that we fight amongst ourselves, backstab & steal each others men (only to find out we should have left him where we found him). We cannot seem to be unified to support and stick up for one another. Everybody seems to be out for themselves while other groups unite against us; but nobody else has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other daily.

Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car, have good credit, rich handsome husband, etc., this does not mean that you should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in income based housing struggling to keep her lights on. We ALWAYS think the grass is greener on the other side, I had a woman whose child's father is MIA tell me that I should never complain because I receive a decent amount of child support and I laughed and let her know that I would gladly give every dime back if he would come relieve some of this overwhelming pressure of feeling inadequate as a parent. If I could get just one full night of sleep or not always be on the verge of losing my job because I'm the one that has to call off or leave work for one reason or another to accommodate my child - yeah he could DEFINITELY have his money if I could have some peace! Money alone doesn't make you happy (not true happiness), good credit doesn't keep you satisfied, beauty doesn't make you any less insecure, fame doesn't make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a good judge of character and being stuck up and mean doesn't keep you warm at night or prevent you from being lonely.

You don't know how the sista sitting right next to you could have carefully put on her make up this morning to hide the beating from last night. The teacher you handed your child over to this morning could have sent her children off to school from a dark house with empty bellies. The teller you just got rude with at the bank could know that today is her last day on her job and have no idea how she is going to survive past next weekend. The sista at the office that appears so busy could be typing her goodbyes to all the people that she loves because she plans to blow her brains out tonight after she tucks her babies into bed. The woman you pass in the hallway could be on her way to have an abortion because she fears what others might think or how the woman that sent you this e-mail may drink an over abundance of alcohol every night to mask the nightmares of an abusive childhood.

Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I'm not suggesting that we all like each other and be phony. But I am asking that we all try to respect each other. You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going through, you don't know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped her into who she is today. We spend so much time trying to be as strong and hard as we are expected to be that we end up cracking from the inside out piece by piece. If we would spend 1/3 of the time we spend tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, show someone some love, we could truly make a difference and save some one's life.

PLEASE don't be the straw that breaks another woman's back. Believe me when I tell you that there is a woman out there that needs your smile, your hug, your support, your prayers and your love.

"Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me." Matthew 25:40

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sea shells on the sea shore

For several years I have collected sea shells from the various places I have visited and keep them in an aquarium. No fish, just sea shells. The shells that I collect are a wide variety of sizes, shapes and colors just like you would find on the beach with one big difference. Very few of my shells are whole or perfect. I didn’t realize it at first but over time I’ve noticed that the ones that I gravitate towards the most when I am out there collecting shells are the broken ones. Although they might be chipped or broken into lots of pieces I can still see their beauty and so I scoop them up and add them to my collection.

It took me a while to make the connection between the broken shells and me; but there is a connection. I think of myself as a broken person and so I can relate to the shells and what they represent to me. Just like I love those shells for what they are and can see the beauty in them I think about how God views me. Although I am broken down, have jagged edges and cracks in my foundation in all of my brokenness the beauty of God still shines through.

Although I may be battered, bruised and a little hard to look upon at times there is still some goodness there. I can radiate His goodness and mercy. Someone can look upon me and see the light He shines within me and find beauty just like I find in these broken shells that lay scattered on the beach. Others may not see them like I do just like others don’t see me for who I am but I know that God does and I am trying to embrace that and let my life reflect the mercy and grace He bestows upon me daily.