I

I live hard.

I love hard.

I play hard.

I throw caution to the wind.

I wear my heart shamelessly on my sleeve.

I believe that everyone (including myself) is inherently capable of goodness no matter what obstacles they face in life, no matter the trials, the bad examples and the trouble that has found them because that's how God designed us.

I have survived fatal fiery darts from the enemy but I have my share of scars where I have been skewered during my life.

I am in a flux.

I am afraid, determined, resigned, hopeless and hopeful.

I am waiting, wishing, fearful, dejected and confused.

I am NOT in control

I am desiring the best but willing to accept something less if it takes me away from where I am now...

99 Things I Ought To Have Done

This was too cute not to do. It was a great way to see that I've done a lot more with my life than I originally thought.

Instructions: Copy the list, bold the ones you've done (with explanations if needed), share with friends.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (I drove up to the gates and took picture for my kids when I went to FL for business :-) Seriously, I have a great fear of going there. All those kids...
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a thunder and lightning storm (the first 21 years of my life I hid under my bed or in a closet, when I became a parent I "got over" my fear)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (I will run my first marathon on March 27, 2010)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language (does pig-Latin count???)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance (car accident 2007)
47. Had your portrait painted (if those caricatures count)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone (my big toes will never be the same)
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle (I used to consider this better than sex then I met my husband...)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (does it count if you were the one doing the killing but changed your mind???)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

A prompting from the Spirit.

Last week I had training at church for our Helps Ministry organization and it was one of the most spirit filled moments of my week. I met some truly amazing saints and had a wonderful time in His presence as He ministered to us during our meeting. We shared testimonies, tears, joy and had a praise and worship service to rival anything we experience on Wednesday's or Sunday's except it was much more intimate and personal to each of us.

He met us right where we were and filled each of us with what we were in need of; some of us needed comfort, peace, and love. Other's needed assurance of His presence and a Word that touched us to our very core letting us know that He has it all under control and is working it out; and all of us needed his goodness and mercy to carry us through the rest of that evening.

What really amazed me was that He used me to facilitate these results. My heart leaps with joy to think that I could be an instrument in His hands to carry out such an assignment. I had no idea that the promptings that kept my stomach and heart all aflutter would provoke everyone to open up and receive what He had to pour out into us that evening. I marvel at how he uses the "least of these" (me) to do his work.

I arrived a few minutes late and quickly got absorbed in what was being taught. I gained a great deal of wisdom from our teacher's impartation and felt blessed to be among them. As we were closing, the prompting to speak what was on my heart increased until I was sure everyone could hear the thudding in my chest and see the tears welling up in my eyes. I kept my head down at first and just started talking. Out spewed words I had no idea were there and they just continued until I stopped and the next one started and so on and so forth until each one of us had had our turn to open up and release several times over. It was so awesome to witness and be a partaker of all at the same time.

There is much going on in the world today that causes us to feel overwhelmed, deeply saddened and lost; even if we know Christ, because we are human and tend to go with our feelings and not with the Spirit that dwells within.

The Word says that when we release our cares on Him and take up His yoke, our burdens go from our shoulders onto His and our load is lessened. "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30)

I know to some it sounds crazy but for the believers, the witnesses to this miracle, the transfer of our burdens to Christs' is one of the greatest blessings we can experience - letting go and letting God have our cares is freeing. To "cast our cares upon the Lord" allows Him to have his way in our lives and move in ways we can't fathom. "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Yet time and time again as quickly as we release them we scoop them back up and become heavy laden and burdened all over again. It has been a cycle in my life that is starting to shorten in length. Meaning, I'm not holding on to things as long but releasing them quicker and benefiting from the freedom that comes from not being weighed down under the weight of the problems in my life.

But, there is still much work that needs to be done in me. I am very much a work in progress but I am choosing daily to surrender myself unto Him. Opening myself up to follow His promptings and going where He leads me even if it is out of my comfort zone and into the unknown for I trust Him and believe in His Word. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

8 Years & Counting - Making Strides 2009

For the past eight years I've dedicated my time, energy and heart into walking for a cure. Every year we get closer but not without a lot of help on the part of you - my friends, family and coworkers. I thank you for the support you have shown me over the years and I look forward to another successful year in making a difference.

I understand that times are economically challenging right now but every $ you donate makes a difference. So please give even if it's not as much as you would like.

We all know someone who has been affected by this disease and the only way to stop it is to find a cure.

God bless and I thank you for your support!!

Click here to visit my personal page.If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY10SouthAtlantic?px=1229805&pg=personal&fr_id=19949&fl=en_US&et=VfmaA_ZLmRa4CQCNmpv-pw..&s_tafId=361028


Kim

My Sister's Keeper

Last night I went with a group of women from the church (WOW ministries human services division and the Treasure Wythe Inn) to Manor House to visit the women that live there and be a blessing to them through donations made last week.

The theme last night was “My Sister’s Keeper” and it was such a blessing. Manor House is a transitional home, located in Richmond and run by The New Life for Youth Ministries, for women going through different circumstances in life – drugs and alcohol abuse, emotionally broken down, homeless, etc. They live there for 12 months and during that time they are stripped of everything that is binding them up and rebuilt upon the foundation of God. It’s not an easy thing and there are a lot who start the program but never finish (but a seed is planted). For those that stay God does a mighty work in them.

They range in age from 18 – 40+ and are racially and economically diverse in their backgrounds but what they have in common is the desire to be better than they were. They want to make something of themselves and they want it to be through God. They have that disciple’s spirit of less of me and more of you God.

I was in awe of them last night and my cup runneth over from the opportunity to serve them. I was tremendously blessed just by being there in their midst and then to talk with them, hear their stories and feel the spirit was enough to allow the emotions to come tumbling out. I cried, I hugged and received hugs enough to fill my empty reservoir. The light in their eyes matched the smiles on their faces and even when they talked about how hard the program is, how much they miss their children, husbands, friends and family you could still see that desire in them to continue on.

To be able to fellowship with them, to encourage them to hang in there and share with them that although we might look like we have it all together we don’t, was very humbling. Outside appearances can be very deceiving and we let them know that. We have all gone through some stuff, we are all going through some stuff and we will continue to be challenged in our lives if we live for Christ but we are not alone. That was the message last night.

We all have the opportunity to be our sister’s keeper. To make a difference in the lives of the women we come in contact with in our lives whether it be at that home, our own homes, on the job, or even in the store there is always an opportunity to be our sister’s keeper.

No matter where you go in the world you are not alone. There are sisters everywhere you go. You just need to be open to the Spirit and ask God for the opportunity to be of service and He will reveal it to you. It might be just for that bus ride to the mall or that moment during a sporting event for your child that you connect with someone but that’s one more moment when you can share, inspire or uplift a broken hearted soul with a look, a hug, a kind word, or something more tangible like a meal, some money or clothes, if so moved.

We have all been charged with being our “brother’s keeper” and that goes for us sisters too. So I am blessed in spite of my mess and right now my mess is less on my mind than finding the next opportunity to be my sister’s keeper or to serve someone, some how in some way that will continue to give God the glory and take “me” out of the equation.

How about you?

The ABC's of Me

A - Age: 44 and loving it!!!

B - Book you're reading: Roadside Crosses - Jeffery Deaver

C - Chore you hate: Cleaning bathrooms - I'm a germaphobe

D - Dad's name: Jeffery

E - Essential start your day item: Prayer

F - Favorite way to exercise: walking outside or at the Y

G - Gold or Silver: Both I like them together

H - Height: 5'9"

I - Instruments you play(ed): None

J - Job title: Executive Assistant

K - Kid(s): Jamar, Sydney, Kyra, Antonio, Justice, Mikayla & Victoria

L - Living arrangements: Own a house

M - Mom's name: Shirley.

N - Nicknames: Mom, Mommy, Honey, Baby and probably a few I don't know about

O - Odd habits: I can't skip buttons, snaps, etc. It's a compulsion.

P - Pet: None

Q - Quiet or Loud: Quiet. Unless I'm ranting

R - Right or left handed: Left.

S - Siblings: 3

T - Typical dinner: Mac n Cheese and hot dogs for the kids, spinach salad w/salmon for me

U- University: Virginia Tech - Go Hokies!!!

V - Vegetable you dislike: Artichoke, water chestnuts.

W - Weirdest talent: I'm still alive and kicking despite everything that has happened in my life

X - X-rays you've had: My lungs, chest, feet, wrist, hips, shoulder

Y - Your favorite place to visit: the beach

Z - Zoo favorites: tigers

And the word is...

During our training for the Speaker's Bureau for the Survivor's Caucus we had to do an exercise that totally sent me into a tail spin. We had a 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper filled with words from top to bottom. Words of every kind, meaningless words that didn't have anything to do with anything in particular.

Much like Toastmaster's we had to take a word and come up with a one-minute speech on that word. The caveat was that we had to close our eyes and place our finger on the page, whatever word our finger landed on was the word we were to use.

Now we were on the honor system here. There was no one looking over our shoulder to see what our word was so if we had wanted to choose another word we could have. For all those that know me... well then you know that I kept the word that my finger landed on in spite of the fact that the room spun around and I broke out into a cold sweat. I mean how could I possibly come up with something to talk about for one-minute about this word.

I took a deep breath, dove in and here is what I came up with.

Mind numbing, shocking, humbling, fearful, frustrating, disbelieving, relieving, intense. Angry, enjoyable, shameful, fun, fearful, exhilarating, life altering, freeing, awesome. Fulfilling, longing, passionate, soul shaking, earth shattering, hurtful, fearful, fearful, fearful. Self loathing, suicidal, worthless, longing, completing, exciting, good, bad, indifferent, alive.

What was my word?

20 Favorite Things

Lizzie at a Dusty Frame had this up and I thought it was cute so I'm picking it up and running with it myself.

20 Favorite Things

1. Color…black
2. Dessert… sweet potato pie (only made by my Mom)
3. Smell… lavender/vanilla
4. Flower… wild flowers
5. Animal… dogs
6. Month… November
7. Beverage… Coke/Water/Milk (I really love all three)
8. Pair of shoes… New Balance tennis shoes
9. Snack… Lays potato chips
10. Song… Ain't No Mountain High Enough
11. Book… the Bible
12. Fruit…cherries
13. Hairstyle- long enough to put into a ponytail on a bad hair day!
14. Piece of clothing…Gap jeans & a sweatshirt
15. Store to clothes shop…Can't pick just one!
16. Season…Autumn
17. Hobby… reading
18. Thing to collect…lighthouses
19. Movie…When Harry met Sally
20. Restaurant…Bone Fish Grille & PF Chang's