The Word

Lord your Word speaks to me. It soothes my soul and makes me desire to be in your presence continually. You are a great God full of love, compassion, goodness, grace and mercy.

Thanks be to you for sacrificing you only begotten son to die for me! Me Lord! He died for me! A sinner, while I was still yet a sinner and continue to be to this day, He died for me!

I know that you have me in the palm of your hand and you are watching over me. You will not let one hair on my head fall without it being part of your plan. Thank you Lord for watching over me so diligently these 46 years; you have been protecting me from the enemy and myself.

Oh Lord, my God, I desire to be all that you want me to be. I want to walk out these last days according to your will and not my own. I want to live for you Lord, for to live for self brings the desire to serve self and deny you. I want to be here until you call me home as it is written in your book. So wash me, purge me with hyssop and make me clean and whole once again.

This is my desire in Jesus' name. Amen

Psalms 51; Exodus 33:14; Psalms 29:11, Deuteronomy 33:25; Hebrews 13:20-21

Why Not Me?

After training last week I stayed behind and talked with Sam, our facilitator, and we had what I would call a life changing conversation. It started out easy going, casual and natural. We talked about her life, her challenges, work, dreams, etc. and then we started discussing my life and that's when it got real personal and uncomfortable for me really fast.

Her questions were thought provoking, soul stirring and made me want to put my hands over my ears and start saying "lalalalala, I can't hear you." Seriously, I wanted to turn away from them. They weren't mean spirited or meant to hurt. They were made to provoke me into thought and then action, of this I am sure. It would put me outside of my comfort zone; cause me to have to view myself, my life, my thoughts, dreams and desires in a different light. It would mean giving up the safety of my "infanthood - crawling" and step into my "adulthood - walking" with Christ on a whole new level. 1 Corinthians 13:10-12

It would require me to break out of the box, shut down the negative thoughts or no thought mentality and start viewing and thinking of things from a different perspective. I know the scriptures, I know the truth but I've never tried to apply it to me because I never thought of myself as worthy. My hopes, dreams and desires are mostly centered on things for others. That is how I get joy - serving, being behind the scenes and watch and pushing others to excel and reach for their dreams, hopes and desires.

So what could she have asked that caused such a stir you say? I'm glad you asked. She asked me:

1. Why Not Me? Meaning why couldn't great, wonderful, supernatural blessings happen in my life. Why would they?

2. What are the desires of your heart??? Desires, what are desires? I had to look it up to make sure I was understanding what she was asking. Desire - seeking something to make you a better Christian. The longing in your heart that you are willing to commit unto God's will to receive or achieve it. Wow!

3. Why shouldn't you have hopes, dreams and desires bigger than you can imagine? Because I'm not worthy; I think small, dream small and live small because that is all I know.

4. Why shouldn't you expect God to bless you abundantly above and beyond anything you can comprehend or be able to receive? Again my own personal belief of worthiness and because it has never happened to the extent that I could attribute it to God abundantly blessing me. There have been times when things have happened and I thanked Him for the blessing but at the same time it was rationalized out as to how I came about receiving it. I've never had something given to me on a great magnitude that was one of those things that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was a supernatural blessing.

5. Why do you allow yourself to think small and remain limited in your blessings? I've never been taught how to think big. My mind has never been exposed to open, limitless thinking. I am driven by order and organization.

6. Where do you see yourself 5 or 10 years from now? Honestly, I don't know. My by the book answer would be "Wherever He wants me to be." But I don't have any specifics to put to that question.

Then she challenged me to have a heart to heart conversation with God and ask Him the following questions:

1. God, who am I in you?

2. Who are you developing me into?

3. God, show me who I am, reveal to me that person - introduce me to myself!

4. Lord, how do you want me to move forward?

5. Where do you want me to go?

6. What do you want me to do?

As I have been working through this conversation the following scriptures have been given to me. There seems to be the recurring theme of faith and belief.

I have faith and I believe but I don't think I have used the two in tandem. I can believe for others but have rarely believed for myself and my faith too has also been predicated on things for others (my children, extended family, friends, etc.). The majority of my prayers have been petitions and intercessions for others with little thought to self. In some ways this saddens me to think that I have put so little of myself out there.

That conversation led me to the knowledge that I have a great deal of work to do to be able to answer those questions in a way that is satisfactory to myself much less my Heavenly Father. But I desire to do so; therefore, I am putting myself out there to work on changing my thought pattern, to opening myself up to believe some things for myself and have faith that they shall come to pass.

Bishop told us that when we speak the Word, we are speaking life into a situation predicated on our faith. That God's words are spirit and life. John 6:63

I believe that and know it to be true yet have not spoken life in to my own world. Life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21) and it is as though by not speaking I have allowed death, stagnation and nothingness permeate my world.

Amazing what is revealed in a conversation so small and unexpected yet I know that God orchestrated that moment and the revelations that have flowed from that conversation just as He created me in my mother's womb and allowed me to be born at such a time as this. (Psalms 139:13-16)

"Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." Mark 11:24

"Delight yourself also in the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Psalm 37:4-5

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarded of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;" "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6 & 4:19

"...faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God." Romans 10:17

A prompting from the Spirit.

Last week I had training at church for our Helps Ministry organization and it was one of the most spirit filled moments of my week. I met some truly amazing saints and had a wonderful time in His presence as He ministered to us during our meeting. We shared testimonies, tears, joy and had a praise and worship service to rival anything we experience on Wednesday's or Sunday's except it was much more intimate and personal to each of us.

He met us right where we were and filled each of us with what we were in need of; some of us needed comfort, peace, and love. Other's needed assurance of His presence and a Word that touched us to our very core letting us know that He has it all under control and is working it out; and all of us needed his goodness and mercy to carry us through the rest of that evening.

What really amazed me was that He used me to facilitate these results. My heart leaps with joy to think that I could be an instrument in His hands to carry out such an assignment. I had no idea that the promptings that kept my stomach and heart all aflutter would provoke everyone to open up and receive what He had to pour out into us that evening. I marvel at how he uses the "least of these" (me) to do his work.

I arrived a few minutes late and quickly got absorbed in what was being taught. I gained a great deal of wisdom from our teacher's impartation and felt blessed to be among them. As we were closing, the prompting to speak what was on my heart increased until I was sure everyone could hear the thudding in my chest and see the tears welling up in my eyes. I kept my head down at first and just started talking. Out spewed words I had no idea were there and they just continued until I stopped and the next one started and so on and so forth until each one of us had had our turn to open up and release several times over. It was so awesome to witness and be a partaker of all at the same time.

There is much going on in the world today that causes us to feel overwhelmed, deeply saddened and lost; even if we know Christ, because we are human and tend to go with our feelings and not with the Spirit that dwells within.

The Word says that when we release our cares on Him and take up His yoke, our burdens go from our shoulders onto His and our load is lessened. "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30)

I know to some it sounds crazy but for the believers, the witnesses to this miracle, the transfer of our burdens to Christs' is one of the greatest blessings we can experience - letting go and letting God have our cares is freeing. To "cast our cares upon the Lord" allows Him to have his way in our lives and move in ways we can't fathom. "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Yet time and time again as quickly as we release them we scoop them back up and become heavy laden and burdened all over again. It has been a cycle in my life that is starting to shorten in length. Meaning, I'm not holding on to things as long but releasing them quicker and benefiting from the freedom that comes from not being weighed down under the weight of the problems in my life.

But, there is still much work that needs to be done in me. I am very much a work in progress but I am choosing daily to surrender myself unto Him. Opening myself up to follow His promptings and going where He leads me even if it is out of my comfort zone and into the unknown for I trust Him and believe in His Word. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)