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Rachel Olsen wrote about perfectionism and how it affects us on her blog and as part of the daily devotionals from Proverbs 31. She's giving away a Kindle 3 ebook reader for those interested in owning this totally awesome gadget in several different ways so pop over to her site and make sure you enter for a chance to win.
In the meantime, I too will be discussing my issues with perfectionism in hopes that what I learn from her this week I will be able to apply to my life which is anything but perfect right now on any front.
I was born with a perfectionist attitude. Perfection is my life's goal. I always felt that if I was perfect then everything in my world would be alright. I would have my mother's love, my parents would stay together, I would find someone that loved me for me and not what I could give them, etc. As I grew older it spilled over into my life with kids. If I was the most perfect mom in the world then I would have the best kids in the world.
At my job hearing good job isn't good enough. I don't take time to let those words seek in because I've already moved forward in my mind on how I could have made it better and what I will do next time. I see flaws everywhere I go and especially every time I look in the mirror.
No one is safe from me and my self-critical thinking in the pursuit of perfectionism and it's a sad, lonely, depressing way to live. Which is why I think I've spent the majority of my life wishing I was dead because I just knew I would never measure up to the idea of perfectionism I was born with. It is a daily struggle, sometimes hourly and even minute by minute depending on how far over the edge I've leaned.
Right now I'm in one of those places where I've leaned over so far that the slightest breeze might send me off the edge. I'm trying to seek help but you know what an ordeal that is in admitting that you can't cope or handle the issues and of course that is so far from perfectionism it's not funny. The issue really boils down to can I let go of my preconceived notions of perfectionism and the world's expectations of me and embrace the truth in the scripture reference or do I just give up and let go of the edge.