My Inspiration

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Psalm 63:1 (NIV)

Monday, July 26, 2010

Under Attack

In four days I will be in Concord, NC attending the She Speaks! Conference presented by Proverbs 31 Ministries. I have been prompted to attend this conference for the past three years and have never been able to pull it off due to scheduling, finances, childcare, etc. And finally this year it has all come together... almost. Can I tell you how busy the enemy is in my life right now. Do I even have to energy to list out the ways that he is attacking me? As you can imagine, some of the most off the wall things have taken place; are trying to trip me up and just flat out make me throw in the towel. The drama at my house has been incredible this past weekend and today is off to another great start but I will not be moved. I am going even if I have to put my thumb out there and hitch a ride!

I trust that God has this all worked out and that if I do my part then He has to do his. We have walked this path together to get to this point and I don't think for a second that he would bring me this far to leave me but the enemy is a formidable opponent and I can't let down my guard because if I do the results could be devastating.

With that said, please pray for me this week. Pray for my household, my children, my husband. Pray for peace in the midst of the chaos. Pray for wisdom and knowledge to discern what is the will of God and what is the trickery of the enemy. Pray for traveling safety. And last, but not least, pray for me.

Pray that as I put my speeches to bed that the words that I have come up with are the words that God has for me to share. That I will not be nervous and that the spirit will lead and guide me so that when I am presenting they will see God and not me. Pray that His light will shine through me and he will get the glory out of what I say. Pray that my ears, eyes and heart will be open and receptive to the teachings from the speakers, the judges and the 600 sisters in Christ who will be attending the conference with me this weekend.

Pray that I will be strengthened in my mind to let go and let God. That I will remain focused on Him during this week and not get caught up in everything that is happening all around me. Pray that I have the wherewithal to understand that I cannot change what is happening but I don't have to allow it to affect me, my focus and get me off track from where my mind should be. Pray that I won't let my emotions get the best of me and that as the week progresses that I will begin to have anticipation and joy about the good things that are awaiting me at the conference.

And while you are praying for me, know that I will be praying for you to help take the focus off of my situation and find peace in being of service to others.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Battlefield of My Mind

Right now my mind is a battlefield. My thoughts are at war with one another and with me. I have been unable to process what has been going on in my life for the past few weeks; unable to write my thoughts down for myself much less share with others and my lips won’t utter a word other than the daily routine of stuff that has to be spoken. My eyes are dry, my throat is parched and my soul twists and turns in agony. I am spent; drained of all energy and desire to move beyond the point I seem to be stuck at. I feel totally useless and yet because of who I know I am (a child of God) and whose I know I am, (I belong to Jesus Christ) I am trying to fight my way through this fog, into the light that is beckoning in the distance.

Proverbs 23:7 says “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”

I don’t want to be what I think. I don’t want my life to reflect the internal battle that rages inside my head daily. Especially not now; right now I am being held prisoner by my thoughts. They are choking me, sucking the life right out of me and I feel powerless to stop them. I’ve been in this haze for a month now. I’m running, running, running and just when I think I can’t run any further I find myself continuing on. Fearful of what will happen if I stop. My thoughts are consuming me during the day while I work, do my daily activities and at night while I sleep depriving me of restful sleep and leaving me more tired when I wake up than when I laid down. Yet I can’t stop them or even corral them.

Fear, grief and confusion have risen up against me. The enemy is hitting me hard on all sides. I’m battling for my spiritual life and although the battle is not mine, at this moment, during this particular season, I feel like it is and I am helpless to stop it. Although I know what the Word says I am having a hard time applying that in my life right now.

For fear there is 2 Timothy 1:7 which says “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” And Romans 8:15 “For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!” and John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”

For grief I turn to the Psalms 31:9 “Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.” And Proverbs 15:13 A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

For confusion 1 Corinthians 14:33 “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…”

I feel like David as he poured out his anguish in the Psalms. Lost and crying out but my cries are silent. They don’t make it past my lips and certainly not to His ears. My heart is heavy; it is broken, ravaged with grief and pain. Fresh wounds have appeared from the recent losses of the and are pulling on the strings of familiar feelings from years gone by.

I know that this battle is spiritual. I know that He knows what is happening but I also know that I have to do my part to overcome this situation and that is where the trouble lies. I am paralyzed. I can’t seem to make myself reach out to Him who holds the key to my salvation.

I have read some of my favorite scriptures for solace but have come up dry. On bended knee I am silent, often angry, bitter and void. I am walking this minefield alone hoping to awake and find that the battle is over and I am rescued from this misery.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalms 18:2

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with
thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

But I know that my time is not at hand and I won't be going any where any time soon so I need to find a way to break out of this prison, open the gates and allow Him in so that he can do what needs to be done to help me move forward and find the peace that surpasses all understanding.

The Tongue Can Be Your Worst Enemy

It took a long time for me to understand and accept this idea. First because we talk before we think and second because I never took the time to reason it out - put it to the test; but once I did, I realized just how true those words are.

In Proverbs 18:21 it says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

I interpret that to mean you speak it and so it is. That's very powerful and scary at the same time. Enough so that I have made it a practice to hold my tongue before speaking because I don't want to say the wrong thing, plant the wrong seed or curse myself or someone else by speaking without giving thought to what I'm putting out there. But that is hard to do and I am not perfect so there are times when I slip up.

If I’m not careful I can get caught up in my emotions and in an effort to handle them say what is on my mind over and over without thought to who I’m speaking it to and the validity or truth of my words and I can end up hurting people or even myself. Yes, I can apologize but the words are out there and I can’t take them back. Even if they are not “hurtful” they may portray someone in a light to someone who doesn’t need to know specific details about that person and ruin a relationship or trust based on my words in the heat of the moment. That is a heavy burden to carry especially if you are unaware that you have done so.

Then there is the gossip piece. I don’t consider myself a gossiper and dislike it when people do it on a continuous basis but have come to the realization that even if I say something to someone just in passing I am gossiping and so I find myself not saying anything at all or taking it to God. I’ll rant and rave to him about things, people and situations much faster than I would to my husband, friends or family because He is my safety net. He won’t let me get too far out of control without reigning me back in and pointing out my own faults while I’m dishing out on someone else. He’s good like that and I appreciate it as much as I hate it because it is humbling but also true.

In Hebrews 12:6 it says: “For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child."

And again in Proverbs 3:12 “For whom the LORD loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.”

And finally in Revelation 3:19 “'Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent.”

In the end I am grateful because I know that through his reproving and chastisement I grow closer to becoming what He desires me to be.

I don't know who wrote this but when it came in my mailbox this morning it brought this all to my mind. It definitely makes you think.

What are you saying and how is it affecting your life?


Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have power to create conditions in your life.

What you speak about, you can bring about.

If you keep saying you can't stand your job, you might lose your job.

If you keep saying you can't stand your body, your body can become sick.

If you keep saying you can't stand your car, your car could be stolen or just stop operating.

If you keep saying you're broke, guess what? You'll always be broke.

If you keep saying you can't trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you.

If you keep saying you can't find a job, you will remain unemployed.

If you keep saying you can't find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thought will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs.

If you keep talking about a divorce or break up in a relationship, then you might end up with it.

Turn your thoughts and conversations around to be more positive and power packed with faith, hope, love and action.

Don't be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve.

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settle for.

Thought I would share this with you.

"In the search for me, I discovered truth. In the search for truth, I discovered love. In the search for love, I discovered God. And in God, I have found everything."

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Rest In Peace Dad

On June 28, 2010 my dad passed after a brief and sudden illness. We put him to rest on July 7, 2010.

Thank you to everyone who sent cards, emails, and messages of comfort, care and concern. We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and deeply touched to see what an impact our dad had on so many people.

Nothing can replace our dad but the memories we have will carry us until we meet again. "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." (2 Corinthians 5:8) We know that is where he is and we rejoice in this knowledge.

Rest in peace "Daddy Bill"

Tribute To Our Father

God sent you to us
You were His to take away
Although we hated to let you go
None of us came to stay
While you’re no longer in our midst
You’ll forever be in our heart
We’ll carry you around daily
And we’ll never be apart
You gave of yourself unselfishly
The leader God called you to be
Thanks for being the head of our house
And for loving us all unconditionally
Your smile, wit and laughter will be missed
Not to mention the bear hugs and the many cheeks kissed
As we reminisce through the shedding of tears
The wisdom you imparted will last us for years

We each had our own affectionate name for you
Pop, Daddy Bill, Dad, Papi and Papa Bill to name a few
You always lovingly answered to them all
Who will respond now when we call
You left quite a void that only one can fill
But we must be faithful and submit to His will
He will answer just as we’ve always heard
God will be our Father as He stated in His Word
You’ve been called to eternal rest
By the One who loved you best
Your work on Earth has come to an end
And we, your children, look forward to seeing you again
Lovingly submitted
The Children
Written by Kelly Gatling