Lent

As Lent winds down there is time to reflect on what this season has meant to me this time around. I've been reading off and on and when I have there have been great insights to be found in His Word. I am thankful that I started reading again and asked for my spirit to be open and receptive to the Words that I was reading. My prayers have been answered. He's such a sweet and loving God and I am thankful that I know this.

My biggest take away from this Lent season is forgiveness. There is no condemnation from God for my sins. I am forgiven wholly, fully and completely. Nothing I do can separate me from Him and I am thankful for that knowledge and finally being able to accept it. I have let it marinate in my spirit and sink into this hard head of mine over these past few weeks and it has put me in a better mindset. That's not to say I won't have to be reminded of that time and time again but the rudimentary knowledge is finally there. My heart is full because of this wonderful gift and all that Christ endured on my behalf to have it.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you^[a] free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,^[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. (Romans 8:1-3)

Rainy Day

Today is a rainy day and I’d rather be at home snuggled up in a blanket watching movies and eating junk than sitting at work. I love rainy days for that reason alone but I also like them because they allow us time to be quiet. It isn’t often that you go out hustling and bustling into the world on the weekend if it is raining. We usually find time to do the things around the house that have been put off because of the busyness of our lives and we move at a much slower pace. Taking time to stop and smell the roses so to speak.

There is something very soothing and calming about the rain as if it were sent to lull us into peace and quiet. I know I sleep very well on the nights that the rain falls all night long and nap in abundance during rainy days.

It’s during these times I feel a different closeness to God. Knowing that the rain is coming from Him it brings pause to my soul. I often think about the reason for the rain. Is it to replenish the earth or is it His tears at the immorality of the world in which we live and the lives of his children. It is during this time that I can read His word with a different purpose and have greater understanding. My mind slows down just enough to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal to me what He wants me to know when I am in my quiet time.

How does the rain affect you? Do you find peace or serenity in it? Share your thoughts.

He shall come down like rain upon the mown grass: as showers that water the earth. (Psalm 72:6)

Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants. (Deuteronomy 32:2)

He is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings the grass from the earth.' (2 Samuel 23:4)

The Battlefield of My Mind

Right now my mind is a battlefield. My thoughts are at war with one another and with me. I have been unable to process what has been going on in my life for the past few weeks; unable to write my thoughts down for myself much less share with others and my lips won’t utter a word other than the daily routine of stuff that has to be spoken. My eyes are dry, my throat is parched and my soul twists and turns in agony. I am spent; drained of all energy and desire to move beyond the point I seem to be stuck at. I feel totally useless and yet because of who I know I am (a child of God) and whose I know I am, (I belong to Jesus Christ) I am trying to fight my way through this fog, into the light that is beckoning in the distance.

Proverbs 23:7 says “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”

I don’t want to be what I think. I don’t want my life to reflect the internal battle that rages inside my head daily. Especially not now; right now I am being held prisoner by my thoughts. They are choking me, sucking the life right out of me and I feel powerless to stop them. I’ve been in this haze for a month now. I’m running, running, running and just when I think I can’t run any further I find myself continuing on. Fearful of what will happen if I stop. My thoughts are consuming me during the day while I work, do my daily activities and at night while I sleep depriving me of restful sleep and leaving me more tired when I wake up than when I laid down. Yet I can’t stop them or even corral them.

Fear, grief and confusion have risen up against me. The enemy is hitting me hard on all sides. I’m battling for my spiritual life and although the battle is not mine, at this moment, during this particular season, I feel like it is and I am helpless to stop it. Although I know what the Word says I am having a hard time applying that in my life right now.

For fear there is 2 Timothy 1:7 which says “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” And Romans 8:15 “For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!” and John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”

For grief I turn to the Psalms 31:9 “Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.” And Proverbs 15:13 A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

For confusion 1 Corinthians 14:33 “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…”

I feel like David as he poured out his anguish in the Psalms. Lost and crying out but my cries are silent. They don’t make it past my lips and certainly not to His ears. My heart is heavy; it is broken, ravaged with grief and pain. Fresh wounds have appeared from the recent losses of the and are pulling on the strings of familiar feelings from years gone by.

I know that this battle is spiritual. I know that He knows what is happening but I also know that I have to do my part to overcome this situation and that is where the trouble lies. I am paralyzed. I can’t seem to make myself reach out to Him who holds the key to my salvation.

I have read some of my favorite scriptures for solace but have come up dry. On bended knee I am silent, often angry, bitter and void. I am walking this minefield alone hoping to awake and find that the battle is over and I am rescued from this misery.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalms 18:2

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with
thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

But I know that my time is not at hand and I won't be going any where any time soon so I need to find a way to break out of this prison, open the gates and allow Him in so that he can do what needs to be done to help me move forward and find the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Keeping it "real" for God

I LOVE GOD. I love what He is doing with my life. However, I struggle daily with all that life can throw my way. This struggle can and does take me away from my purpose, allows me to get sidetracked, lost in the shuffle and totally out of reach with Him.

Can you relate? Paul could, he said this about his flesh and the struggles he encountered on his journey in Romans 7:15-25.

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

I know that we all have challenges and some of us handle them better than others. I truly believe that just as He gave us the Word to lead, guide and direct us that we as believers can come together and support one another through our daily challenges in life. One of the things that help me get back on track is having someone to share it with, to talk it out, to inspire, instill and guide me back to my center after I have taken it to God in the spiritual. He lets me know when I’m to “put it out there and seek the counsel of the godly” and He often puts them in my path.

As sisters in Christ, we can do that for one another. We should do that for one another.

So speak up, let us hear what issues are challenging you and let us all come together to help you work through it. One verse, one discussion, one day at a time…

I have started a forum over at Lefora. Click this link "Keeping it real for God" to come on over and take a look around, join and start a dialogue with the world.

Be blessed my sisters and please take the time to share the stories of your life; the good, the bad, the joy, the pain, the heartache and the beauty He has given you for all your ashes. Who knows, you may be able to help someone else in your sharing.

She Speaks, She Writes, She Obeys

Proverbs 31 Ministries through Cecil Murphey have one last scholarship to give away to the She Speaks conference and we were asked to write two paragraphs about why we want to attend the conference and what it means to us.

This was my entry.

We are all on a journey. We all have a story and that story can be used to help one another if we use it as He intends. My words, written or spoken can reach the lost, the broken-hearted and downtrodden soul. They can be used to find the one who cowers in the dark, who despises her own face, voice and body; it can seek out the one who has been beaten physically, mentally and spiritually and feels that nobody understands… nobody knows the depth of pain that she carries and no one could ever love her because of all she has endured, the choices she’s made or the way that she looks. I know how these women feel for I too have felt that way. My journey has taught me and continues to teach me that there is hope in the midst of the storm. That joy waits on the other side of the darkness and that God will give us beauty for our ashes.

When I said, "Use me Lord to share your message of love, your Words of wisdom, knowledge and guidance; let my story, my triumph through You give you the glory you deserve and help the lost find their way back home”; when I finally surrendered myself and said, “Lord, here am I send me”; I was led to Proverbs 31 Ministries. For three years I have struggled with the prompting to attend the She Speaks conference. The first year I held back due to financial reasons, the second year, I wasn’t sure I wanted to accept the call that I knew was on my life, and this year, I can no longer deny that He has chosen to use my written and my spoken word. The way the spirit rises up in me when I put fingers to keyboard, pen to paper or lips to microphone are overwhelming, scary and exhilarating. I feel alive and so full. It is during those moments that I know that He has brought me through the storms of my life for a purpose such as this.

Surviving the Inner Struggle

Inner struggles - how do we survive them? For me, they come on a weekly basis. If I were totally honest, I think I could say that daily I struggle with what I want and what God wants for me. Consciously or subconsciously it doesn't matter, I know that the struggle is there. Some days the struggle is truly within myself and on others it is with the world in which I live and wanting to be a part of it.

Frequently, I find myself caught up in the social ills that permeate every fiber of our being whether from the radio, TV, Internet, Twitter, Facebook or the magazines on the newsstands. No matter where I look, there is always something that makes me want to compare where I am to where the world tells me I should be. It begins innocently enough with seemingly non-threatening questions or headlines that open up a minefield of answers that often leave me wondering how did I go from thinking THIS (all things that are good, righteous, loving, of good report, etc.) all the way over here to stewing about THAT (jealousy, anger, bitterness, frustration) on a regular basis.

Why am I the only one in the world who is not happy, fulfilled and content with my lot in life? Where is my aha moment? When will I feel transformed or transfigured into a mighty warrior for God?

At times, I've felt weaker; less sure of myself and who I am and more dependent on Him but resentful for that dependence. That is until I immerse myself in the Word (the Bible or the scriptures) which takes these thoughts captive and gives me peace that can't be found anywhere else. I feast on them and allow them to soak into the inner core of my being and rise above the struggle.

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2 (NKJV)

"Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (NKJV)

But then I find that I am impatient. Society has created a whole new breed of people, of which I find myself a part of. We are the generation of instant gratification. I want it now. I want to do it myself. I don’t want to wait on God to supply all my needs or to reveal His plan for my life in dribs and drabs. I want it all and I want it right now!

This is not a novel concept. The prodigal son felt the same way, but in his case he went to his father and demanded what was rightfully his and it was given to him and we also saw the results of it. In our case, God is not so foolish as to give in to the demands of his spoiled, whining prodigies and thankfully so. Many times I've had to go back and give Him praise and thanks for NOT fulfilling a request because, over time, I saw the foolishness of what I was asking. I realized the consequences without actually having to suffer them and felt truly blessed that the petitions of my heart fell on deaf ears or that He said no or not right now my child.

"Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!" Psalm 27:14 (NKJV)

"But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)

I continuously put myself out there; serving on many boards and committees, volunteering at every outreach in any capacity I can so that I am in constant motion. A perpetual state of busyness that won't allow me to have time to sit and listen to the still small voice. I am afraid to hear what He has to say but I'm even more afraid that I will hear and obey what He says to me. I have not learned to die to self completely and let His will be done although it is the deepest desire of my heart.

My physical, fleshly self won't allow it to happen. It would mean letting go of everything I have fought my whole life to keep - my independence or control. I don't have to tell you how much I like to be in control. It is indicative of my Type A personality to be in control of what goes on around me. But, I have taken my eye off the prize. Nevertheless, God is good because the Word redirects my path. It leads and guides me back into the Father's will and blessings beyond measure when I apply it in my life.

...saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” Luke 22:45 (NKJV)

“Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41 (NKJV)

"For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." Romans 7:9 (NKJV)

So, while I have my inner struggles, I am not left alone, lost or forsaken in them. I know where to go to get help or find my way when they arise. There is not one situation in my life that I have not been able to find resolution, guidance or direction about through the Word. Whether I have chosen to do what is required is another post in itself but the road map to survival is always available. The choice to use it is my own.

FREE

I have had one of the best weeks of my life this week. The only way to describe it is FREE. The millstone that has weighed me down for my entire life has been cut from my neck. This whole week has been one filled with confirmation after confirmation from scriptures, music, devotionals and notes from friends and family. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life that care about me and support me, but my greatest blessings come from God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. They have ministered to me this week through the Word in ways I never thought possible. It’s like the blinders were lifted and verses I’ve read time and time again now have new meaning. All those scriptures I have hidden up in my heart are being released unto me and giving me great hope, joy and understanding of everything that has transpired in my life.

I found this week, through my prayer and study time, that I have a great love for my mother; much deeper than I would have imagined. The love I have for her is the love of Christ, which is a love that releases her from the burden of fulfilling me in ways that she cannot. This is a love that transcends our fleshy selves but focuses on the spiritual being in each of us. It’s not about her approval, her love or her acceptance. It is a love for the woman that gave birth to me. Although there were times when I was ok with the thought of not being here, I am grateful for the life she gave me. It is the love that allows forgiveness for hurts real and imagined; for shortcomings and ignorance. It is a love that we should have for each other when we accept Christ into our lives and proclaim Him to be our Lord and Savior. The second greatest command that He gave us “…You shall love your neighbor as yourself…” Mark 12:31 (KJV)

This week I discovered that I am free to live my life and walk out the destiny God has for me instead of seeking for something I was never destined to find or have from the world. I now understand the scripture “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” in Matthew 6:33 (KJV) in a way I couldn’t have before. I have been looking to my mother for her approval, her love and her acceptance when all along I should have been looking to God first. He will provide all those things to me: love, approval, acceptance and peace indescribable peace when I follow His Word. I have walked in this blessing all week.

One of my devotionals this week also reaffirmed to me that I have been putting too much emphasis on the relationship with my mother and helped me keep the focus on where my priorities should be. Mary Welchel of the Christian Working Woman had this life lesson in her transcripts for Wednesday at www.thechristianworkingwoman.org. I have highlighted the words that resounded in my ears as I heard it on the radio and leapt off the page as I read them.

Life Lesson #5: Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
You know, I often remind myself that people aren't thinking about me nearly as much as I think they're thinking about me! Isn't it true that we often put ourselves under unnecessary stress by just taking ourselves too seriously! We worry about what others will think of us and that can become an obsession. What others think about you is not your business, so let it go!

Here's the secret: Make it your passion to care very much about what God thinks about you. Pray daily that God will grow you into the mature Christian he wants you to be. Let God's Word reveal areas in your life that need changing, and then by God's grace, work on them. Care very much about what God thinks about you.

But stop worrying about what others think about you. Stop imagining what they're thinking or saying. First of all, you'll never please everyone, no matter how hard you try. And secondly, have you ever thought about how wrong it is to care more about what other people think of you than you do about what God thinks about you? Remember, it's not all about you; it's all about God and what he wants to do with your life. So, don't take yourself so seriously.

Also this week I listened to my worship music and found great peace and solace at the words I heard from Kirk Franklin, CeCe Winans, Toby Mac, Mandisa, Marvin Sapp, Youth for Christ, J Moss, James Fortune & Fyre and many more.

The greatest joy came when I shouted the words to “Imagine Me” with Kirk Franklin, especially the chorus “Gone, gone, all gone, all my scars, pain; in the past. What your mother did, what your father did, gone, gone, all gone.” And it is… All gone. Everything that I held against her, all the hurt, all the pain, all the scars, gone. I am FREE.

Thank you Lord for I am free.

Free at last, free at last, Lord God Almighty, I am free at last!

A prompting from the Spirit.

Last week I had training at church for our Helps Ministry organization and it was one of the most spirit filled moments of my week. I met some truly amazing saints and had a wonderful time in His presence as He ministered to us during our meeting. We shared testimonies, tears, joy and had a praise and worship service to rival anything we experience on Wednesday's or Sunday's except it was much more intimate and personal to each of us.

He met us right where we were and filled each of us with what we were in need of; some of us needed comfort, peace, and love. Other's needed assurance of His presence and a Word that touched us to our very core letting us know that He has it all under control and is working it out; and all of us needed his goodness and mercy to carry us through the rest of that evening.

What really amazed me was that He used me to facilitate these results. My heart leaps with joy to think that I could be an instrument in His hands to carry out such an assignment. I had no idea that the promptings that kept my stomach and heart all aflutter would provoke everyone to open up and receive what He had to pour out into us that evening. I marvel at how he uses the "least of these" (me) to do his work.

I arrived a few minutes late and quickly got absorbed in what was being taught. I gained a great deal of wisdom from our teacher's impartation and felt blessed to be among them. As we were closing, the prompting to speak what was on my heart increased until I was sure everyone could hear the thudding in my chest and see the tears welling up in my eyes. I kept my head down at first and just started talking. Out spewed words I had no idea were there and they just continued until I stopped and the next one started and so on and so forth until each one of us had had our turn to open up and release several times over. It was so awesome to witness and be a partaker of all at the same time.

There is much going on in the world today that causes us to feel overwhelmed, deeply saddened and lost; even if we know Christ, because we are human and tend to go with our feelings and not with the Spirit that dwells within.

The Word says that when we release our cares on Him and take up His yoke, our burdens go from our shoulders onto His and our load is lessened. "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30)

I know to some it sounds crazy but for the believers, the witnesses to this miracle, the transfer of our burdens to Christs' is one of the greatest blessings we can experience - letting go and letting God have our cares is freeing. To "cast our cares upon the Lord" allows Him to have his way in our lives and move in ways we can't fathom. "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Yet time and time again as quickly as we release them we scoop them back up and become heavy laden and burdened all over again. It has been a cycle in my life that is starting to shorten in length. Meaning, I'm not holding on to things as long but releasing them quicker and benefiting from the freedom that comes from not being weighed down under the weight of the problems in my life.

But, there is still much work that needs to be done in me. I am very much a work in progress but I am choosing daily to surrender myself unto Him. Opening myself up to follow His promptings and going where He leads me even if it is out of my comfort zone and into the unknown for I trust Him and believe in His Word. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

My Sister's Keeper

Last night I went with a group of women from the church (WOW ministries human services division and the Treasure Wythe Inn) to Manor House to visit the women that live there and be a blessing to them through donations made last week.

The theme last night was “My Sister’s Keeper” and it was such a blessing. Manor House is a transitional home, located in Richmond and run by The New Life for Youth Ministries, for women going through different circumstances in life – drugs and alcohol abuse, emotionally broken down, homeless, etc. They live there for 12 months and during that time they are stripped of everything that is binding them up and rebuilt upon the foundation of God. It’s not an easy thing and there are a lot who start the program but never finish (but a seed is planted). For those that stay God does a mighty work in them.

They range in age from 18 – 40+ and are racially and economically diverse in their backgrounds but what they have in common is the desire to be better than they were. They want to make something of themselves and they want it to be through God. They have that disciple’s spirit of less of me and more of you God.

I was in awe of them last night and my cup runneth over from the opportunity to serve them. I was tremendously blessed just by being there in their midst and then to talk with them, hear their stories and feel the spirit was enough to allow the emotions to come tumbling out. I cried, I hugged and received hugs enough to fill my empty reservoir. The light in their eyes matched the smiles on their faces and even when they talked about how hard the program is, how much they miss their children, husbands, friends and family you could still see that desire in them to continue on.

To be able to fellowship with them, to encourage them to hang in there and share with them that although we might look like we have it all together we don’t, was very humbling. Outside appearances can be very deceiving and we let them know that. We have all gone through some stuff, we are all going through some stuff and we will continue to be challenged in our lives if we live for Christ but we are not alone. That was the message last night.

We all have the opportunity to be our sister’s keeper. To make a difference in the lives of the women we come in contact with in our lives whether it be at that home, our own homes, on the job, or even in the store there is always an opportunity to be our sister’s keeper.

No matter where you go in the world you are not alone. There are sisters everywhere you go. You just need to be open to the Spirit and ask God for the opportunity to be of service and He will reveal it to you. It might be just for that bus ride to the mall or that moment during a sporting event for your child that you connect with someone but that’s one more moment when you can share, inspire or uplift a broken hearted soul with a look, a hug, a kind word, or something more tangible like a meal, some money or clothes, if so moved.

We have all been charged with being our “brother’s keeper” and that goes for us sisters too. So I am blessed in spite of my mess and right now my mess is less on my mind than finding the next opportunity to be my sister’s keeper or to serve someone, some how in some way that will continue to give God the glory and take “me” out of the equation.

How about you?

Today's Devotional - Set Your Mind

I read a lot of different devotionals every day trying to feast upon the Word as much as I possibly can. It's during this time I get to reflect on my life, my problems and the blessings He's bestowed upon my life.

I learn different ways to handle the trials that come my way and quite often get answers to questions that I've only pondered in my mind.

Occasionally I get gentle nudgings from God to reinforce something that has fallen into my spirit or been shouted to me from the mountain top but I've failed to "hear and obey".

Nevertheless, I count them as blessings as they feed my malnourished soul and when I come across ones that I think will speak to others as strongly as they have spoken to me I share them... be blessed.


TODAY'S SCRIPTURE
“Set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth” (Colossians 3:2, AMP)

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria
Have you ever been laying in bed in the morning and out of nowhere you're reminded of all the mistakes you made yesterday and all the problems you have in your future? That's the enemy trying to set your mind for a negative, defeated, lousy day, but you don't have to fall into that trap.

The Scripture says, “Set your mind and keep it set on the higher things.” This tells us that we have to be proactive. We have to stay on the offensive. When you get up in the morning, have the attitude that David did in the Psalms and say, "This is another day the Lord has made! No matter how I feel, no matter what the economy looks like, no matter what the medical report says, I am choosing to rejoice. I am choosing to be happy this day." You know what you’re really saying? You’re saying, “I’m not going to let other people steal my joy today. I’m not going to let disappointments and setbacks discourage me. I’m not going to focus on my problems and my mistakes. I’m making up my mind to embrace everything the Lord has in store for me.

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Father in heaven, I choose to set my day by setting my mind on things above. I choose to shake off the cares of yesterday and focus on everything You have in store for me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Still riding high

It's been over three weeks and the feelings, the thoughts, and the blessings are still flowing from the weekend conference I had the privilege to serve at. I attended a Joyce Meyer conference at the Hampton Coliseum on Thursday, Friday & Saturday and volunteered to serve as an usher. Never in my life have I had such an experience. There were 100 strangers from every walk of life in a room with a heart to serve that weekend. There was such a strong spirit everywhere around that coliseum that you couldn't help but be touched. We worked side by side as if we had been doing it all of our lives. It was a sight to see.

Each session was better than the previous one, as if that could be true. The crowds were bigger, hungrier and thirstier for the Word than I've experienced in a long time. I thoroughly enjoyed meeting so many people with so many different stories. It was very humbling. Not once did I have the opportunity to dwell on my life, my worries or concerns. I was totally focused on everything that was going on around me and wanting to be the best I could be and yes, I wanted the Word just as much as those in attendance. I wanted reassurance, direction, guidance. I wanted to rejoice during the praise and worship portion of the service and release all the bottled up emotions. I just wanted something, anything that wasn't the same old routine, day in and day out. I wanted to give back to Him for all He had been giving to me these past three years without anything in return from me.

I went to serve and in turn I was blessed tremendously in ways I never anticipated. I arrived a tired, broken creature being eaten up alive inside with unforgiveness, guilt, anger, bitterness, rage and frustration but when I left I had been set free. The knot that had resided in my chest for the past three years was gone. It's was as if it had literally evaporated into ashes. The bile that would rise up at the mere thought of my ex-husband wasn't there. I felt like a new person inside and out. It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders, the bricks on my feet were gone, the ball and chain that I dragged everywhere I went had been released and the craziest part of it all was that I hadn't done anything to make it happen.

The doors open 2 hours before the conference and we are immediately swarmed with people trying to find a seat.

Angela and I were on the same team. I was truly blessed by her spirit. We found that although our lives are very different our struggles were still the same but we both serve the same God and found great comfort in being able to share that and know that He has it all under control.

Angela and a couple more volunteer ushers in our group.

Day one when we were assigned our sections. I was just trying out the seats to see how comfortable they would be. I might have some cushion back there, but it wasn't enough to spare me from the pain of sitting in them for two hours.