the same, yet different.
I look the same, dress the same and if you were to interact with me you won’t know that there is a change yet I know that I am different. I feel like I am in a different place. I don’t quite know how to explain it but things are just different.
I’ve had thoughts running around my head for weeks now but just haven’t had the desire to put them down on paper but the fact that they keep surfacing tells me they need to get out.
My quiet time in the morning came to a halt three weeks ago and I’ve had a hard time restarting it. In some ways I miss it, in others I don’t. I feel like it lost its purpose and therefore I needed to take a break and rethink the whole process. In fact, I believe that is what is different. I’m rethinking everything; from the inside out, from the top to the bottom. I’m not in a settling mood any longer. I’ve been settled for far too long and that has to stop. I feel like I’m lukewarm in my walk with Christ right now and it’s not a fun place to be or even a place that He likes for us to be in.
“So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.” Revelation 3:16 (NKJV)
I’ve gotten complacent with going to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and serving on my committee but there is no real zeal or passion behind it. Our lessons are truly awesome and inspirational. I take notes, nod my head and get inspired for the moment but when the moment has passed I’m right back to the nothingness. It’s like I’m there but I’m not.
I’m honest, if I’m nothing else, and lately I just haven’t felt like I’m in the right places doing the right things. I have some loose ends that need to be wrapped up but then I feel like I need to step down and move on because where they are going is not the right path for me.
I've been busy focusing on everyone else's vision and dream and allowed mine to get buried in the process. As I've been refocusing, listening, reviewing and allowing my spirit to minister to me I've been able to hear - truly hear what it's been saying to me. What others have been saying to me and what God has been working on inside of me.
It has re-ignited my passion for the spoken and unspoken word. The thoughts that are not my own but from Him who called me and I have to put them out there. Not for myself but in obedience to what is on my heart and my mind. They won't always be popular. They won't always be easy to understand and digest but for those that are seeking they will answer the questions. They will reaffirm and reassure. They will infuse and ignite the sparks that have been dormant for many years waiting for this moment.
Showing posts with label musing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musing. Show all posts
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Thursday, June 18, 2009
7%
I am one of the 7% that forward emails that really touch me and I want others to be touched by them as well. This one has probably made it around the block a time or two but every time it comes my way I take the time to read it and definitely forward it. I know my small world of friends are a lot like me in that their lives are so busy, complicated and overwhelming sometimes to the point of breaking them down that they need a "reality reminder" to help them regroup, refocus and remember what is most important about life now, not 10, 15 or 20 years from now when it's too late to do some of the things on this list.
The last time I got this was a month ago and yes, I did forward it on but I also kept it in my "in" box and have referred to it frequently during the past couple of weeks. I keep thinking that the more I read, ponder and meditate on it the more it will become a part of me and then when I reach the ripe old age of 90 I too can put a check mark next to all of them and feel that my life was a good one.
I took the liberty of highlighting the ones that touch me the most in blue, the ones in red are the ones I struggle with but am working on.
Take a few minutes and read/re-read this list for yourself and see where these rank in terms of how you're doing in terms of learning a few of life's lessons.
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick; your friends & parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
22. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ' In five years, will this matter? '
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a "gift."
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.
The last time I got this was a month ago and yes, I did forward it on but I also kept it in my "in" box and have referred to it frequently during the past couple of weeks. I keep thinking that the more I read, ponder and meditate on it the more it will become a part of me and then when I reach the ripe old age of 90 I too can put a check mark next to all of them and feel that my life was a good one.
I took the liberty of highlighting the ones that touch me the most in blue, the ones in red are the ones I struggle with but am working on.
Take a few minutes and read/re-read this list for yourself and see where these rank in terms of how you're doing in terms of learning a few of life's lessons.
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick; your friends & parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
22. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ' In five years, will this matter? '
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a "gift."
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.
Dreaming New Dreams
Right now there is a recurring theme in my life - I am "chewing/contemplating/reviewing" and trying to sort out where I've been from where I'm going. I feel that this is the opportune time for me as I start my newly married life with my husband. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to start over; to be given another chance at love w/another person (as we all have the love of God) which is something we all desire but not all of us find in this lifetime.
I haven't had a life of dreams. To me it's all been about survival. Surviving my childhood. I couldn't wait to leave home and get away from all the demons that haunted me there. Then it was getting through my 20's and trying to find myself. When I hit 30 things skidded to a halt with the untimely illness of my dad and his death. At 35 I was having another baby and moving back home to Richmond from Virginia Beach and again it was about surviving with 3 kids, a full-time job, school and my first marriage. Fast forward 10 years, 10 kids, 2 jobs, 2 years of staying at home with my babies, the breakup of my abusive marriage and here I stand:
Happy, thriving and DREAMING of a future filled with so many possibilities it boggles my mind.
Not the dreams of kids - $$$, big houses, fancy cars, vacations around the world but dreams of many great moments like this past weekend with friends and family - making memories that last a lifetime.
Dreams of my kids, grand kids, and time with my husband. Dreams of seeing them in college, getting married and asking for our advice. Dreams of many more mornings of seeing the sunrise, feeling it caress my skin and warm the earth. Dreams of reaching out and serving in the community and giving back to everyone that assisted me when I needed it most.
Just the idea of dreaming is a blessing in itself because it's not something I ever let myself do. I refused to have those hopes and desires only to see them dashed but now, well if they don't all happen that's OK. I'm going to enjoy the journey that gets me there. One day at a time, one dream at a time and no pressure to attain them but permission to enjoy it to the hilt when/if I do!
One of my favorite weekly columnists from Canada, Sheila Way Gregoire, had a column about dreams that I have been thinking about since I read it. I totally agree with her thoughts about changing what you dream about as your life changes. Look at me - not only am I changing my thoughts but making them better, more fulfilling and less intangible.
How about you? What dreams have you had looming over your head for years that weigh heavy on you because you haven't fulfilled them? Isn't it time to let them go or rethink them so that they will bring you joy, hope and inspiration not heartache?
Dreaming New Dreams
May 22, 2009
Last weekend my husband brought home the movie Marley & Me thinking that since it was romantic, it would naturally lead to romance. Unfortunately, the length of the movie threatened his intended result, and he confessed later that he found himself whispering under his breath, "Die, already dog. Hurry up and die!" But Marley took a while to succumb, and I, who am not particularly a dog person, still found myself tearing up.
Marley & Me , though, isn't really a dog movie. It's more about what it means to be at peace, even with a dog that eats answering machines without chewing. The focus is on columnist John Grogan, who has made all the right choices. He marries a good woman; he lands a good job; he has wonderful children. But despite making these correct choices he's restless. He had a certain vision of himself, and now he's hitting forty and he's not that person. And as he stares at his friends and family at his surprise birthday party, he wonders if he has failed.
Last weekend, right before we watched this movie, my family and friends threw me a "Forever Thirty-Nine" party. They figured doing it next year, when I really will be forty, would be too difficult because I'd be expecting it. So last Sunday my best friend unveiled a scrapbook of my life, people told stories and roasted me, and in general I felt extremely appreciated.
Such events, though, do cause you to examine your choices. And all too often, when we go through this exercise, we look back on our lives and find them wanting. Yet perhaps the reason this examination is so painful is because we use the wrong measuring stick.
In that scrapbook, the 23-year-old version of me in the graduation gown had a certain vision for my life. I was supposed to be the CEO of a hospital, or the director of a think tank foundation. But here I am, homeschooling my kids, putting dinner in the crockpot, folding laundry, writing columns, and raising money for an orphanage in Kenya. Not exactly what I had planned. That doesn't mean, though, that it's wrong.
Many of us feel restless because we haven't achieved our dreams, but I think what we miss is that we are not the same people who dreamed them. I am not fresh out of graduate school with visions of Toronto skyscrapers in my head. I'm a small town mom with a tent trailer.
There's nothing wrong with dreaming, but the dreams should be about looking forward, not looking back. When I hit forty, I won't have achieved many of the things I thought I would. But I've achieved different things. True peace comes not when we tick off everything on our life's to-do list; it comes when we get comfortable in our skin, make choices that reflect our values and who we are, and then live out those choices, in the nitty gritty, day by day. There's nothing wrong with assessing your life and making changes, but make sure those changes reflect who you are now, not who you thought you'd be once.
I am not who I was. And my dreams, though they seemed big then, were really quite small. They didn't involve two blonde teenagers who still like to hold my hand when we walk. They couldn't see the changes trips to Kenya would make in me. They didn't know how a small tombstone tucked in a country cemetery would change my heart. They didn't realize how being married to my best friend could bring a satisfaction so much deeper than any paycheque or title. And so I am different today, but I'm comfortable with it. And as I approach middle age, that's really the best gift I could have.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Any given day...
Hello Kimberly,
It's Angela from the Joyce Meyer conference, i just wanted to say hello and see how you have doing.
How has everything been working out for you since getting back from the conference? Still walking in victory i pray Have you been able to read that book?
I hope and pray all is going great up your way let me know.
Hey Angela,
Great of you to drop me a line. I'm sorry I haven't taken the time to follow up myself but I did do a post on my blog about the conference and all that transpired there including meeting you and how much I enjoyed the connection.
I had good intentions when we left to keep in touch and keep that fire burning inside once I returned home and I so want to tell you that things have been great but that would be a lie. Not that anything catastrophic has happened but "the world" has crowded out my fire since I've been back home.
I made great goals in my mind (1st mistake - must write goals down and post where they can be seen) of things I wanted to do/change when I got home but never got around to it. I've been reading the book at a snail's pace which is very bad for someone like me who reads 1 or 2 books in a week. But what I have been reading has been good for me and I'm meditating on it. The book sits on my desk where it is a reminder of what I need to be doing or making time for but it's all a matter of priorities right now.
On any given day our lives spiral out of our control and we don't get around to the things we deem important because we're too busy taking care of what other people put on our plate; at least that's what I used to think but now I know differently.
On any given day I can get around to the things I want to if I prioritize my life accordingly. I can get up at 5:00 instead of laying in the bed for an extra 30 - 45 minutes and have my quiet time with Him. I can read the book, make my notes, read my scriptures and have my prayer time "if" that's my priority. The choice is mine and I've spent too much time blaming this, that, and the other for my lack of control instead of grabbing it by the horns and taking it back.
I can have personal time at night instead of watching that TV show that adds no value to my life and probably have a easier night's rest because of what my last thoughts were focused on versus the garbage I allow in my mind via the television.
Again, it's a matter of choosing what is important to me on any given day. It's too funny that I got this note from you today and the CD I was listening to at work today is from Joyce - one of the partner messages entitled "Be All You Can Be". She talked about doing what we are supposed to do and to keep on doing it until we see the results that we want. Her one major take away was "Do Not Give Up!" and I have to admit I am guilty of that too often because I let all the things that are going on around me overwhelm me and loose sight of what I was going after. It's not like I quit but I put it on the back burner and can rationalize that I will get to it again with "stuff changes" but it's not the stuff that needs to change it's me. How much do I want it , how important is it to me and how committed am I to making the change to get the desired outcome.
I can relate this to my better half because he's been watching the basketball playoffs and what I found to be really amazing is how these teams can play the same team for 7 games and no two games are the same because depending on each player's mindset on any given night and how well the team is focused on the prize. Hence the title of this post and this whole muse.
Yes, I am still walking in victory. I haven't looked back on that situation and allowed those old feelings to overcome me again. I've made great steps to continue my healing. I've faced new challenges and struggle with whether I'm making the right choices or allowing Satan too much control over my emotions, when I find myself overwhelmed, depressed and even angry about things which have nothing to do with me directly since I know I can just release it to God and say, "Do what you will Lord, I let it go" because I am not there yet on a consistent basis. But all is not lost because I realize what I can say and should say a lot quicker than before.
I'm speaking things out which builds my faith by "hearing and hearing by the Word" and then the belief gets stronger. In time, I know that it will be like breathing to me and I will be through another phase in my life. I'm looking at this like the journey of a butterfly. I am in the caterpillar phase where I am eating all the leaves I can while dodging my natural enemies until I get to the cocoon stage where all of this will wrap me up and keep me protected until my time to come out of the cocoon and morph into what God wants me to be.
Wow, I didn't realize all of that until I stopped, slowed my mind down and put these thoughts out here. Thank you for giving me the motivation to do just that. I really need to stop and meditate on things more often. I'd probably be amazed at all that has transpired in my mind if I could focus on it a little bit more.
I'm anxiously awaiting the Cd's from the conference to study in conjunction with my notes and look forward to even more blessings and transformations to take place as I continue to feast and flow in the spirit of the fruits.
I can't wait to get an update from you.
Take care.
It's Angela from the Joyce Meyer conference, i just wanted to say hello and see how you have doing.
How has everything been working out for you since getting back from the conference? Still walking in victory i pray Have you been able to read that book?
I hope and pray all is going great up your way let me know.
Hey Angela,
Great of you to drop me a line. I'm sorry I haven't taken the time to follow up myself but I did do a post on my blog about the conference and all that transpired there including meeting you and how much I enjoyed the connection.
I had good intentions when we left to keep in touch and keep that fire burning inside once I returned home and I so want to tell you that things have been great but that would be a lie. Not that anything catastrophic has happened but "the world" has crowded out my fire since I've been back home.
I made great goals in my mind (1st mistake - must write goals down and post where they can be seen) of things I wanted to do/change when I got home but never got around to it. I've been reading the book at a snail's pace which is very bad for someone like me who reads 1 or 2 books in a week. But what I have been reading has been good for me and I'm meditating on it. The book sits on my desk where it is a reminder of what I need to be doing or making time for but it's all a matter of priorities right now.
On any given day our lives spiral out of our control and we don't get around to the things we deem important because we're too busy taking care of what other people put on our plate; at least that's what I used to think but now I know differently.
On any given day I can get around to the things I want to if I prioritize my life accordingly. I can get up at 5:00 instead of laying in the bed for an extra 30 - 45 minutes and have my quiet time with Him. I can read the book, make my notes, read my scriptures and have my prayer time "if" that's my priority. The choice is mine and I've spent too much time blaming this, that, and the other for my lack of control instead of grabbing it by the horns and taking it back.
I can have personal time at night instead of watching that TV show that adds no value to my life and probably have a easier night's rest because of what my last thoughts were focused on versus the garbage I allow in my mind via the television.
Again, it's a matter of choosing what is important to me on any given day. It's too funny that I got this note from you today and the CD I was listening to at work today is from Joyce - one of the partner messages entitled "Be All You Can Be". She talked about doing what we are supposed to do and to keep on doing it until we see the results that we want. Her one major take away was "Do Not Give Up!" and I have to admit I am guilty of that too often because I let all the things that are going on around me overwhelm me and loose sight of what I was going after. It's not like I quit but I put it on the back burner and can rationalize that I will get to it again with "stuff changes" but it's not the stuff that needs to change it's me. How much do I want it , how important is it to me and how committed am I to making the change to get the desired outcome.
I can relate this to my better half because he's been watching the basketball playoffs and what I found to be really amazing is how these teams can play the same team for 7 games and no two games are the same because depending on each player's mindset on any given night and how well the team is focused on the prize. Hence the title of this post and this whole muse.
Yes, I am still walking in victory. I haven't looked back on that situation and allowed those old feelings to overcome me again. I've made great steps to continue my healing. I've faced new challenges and struggle with whether I'm making the right choices or allowing Satan too much control over my emotions, when I find myself overwhelmed, depressed and even angry about things which have nothing to do with me directly since I know I can just release it to God and say, "Do what you will Lord, I let it go" because I am not there yet on a consistent basis. But all is not lost because I realize what I can say and should say a lot quicker than before.
I'm speaking things out which builds my faith by "hearing and hearing by the Word" and then the belief gets stronger. In time, I know that it will be like breathing to me and I will be through another phase in my life. I'm looking at this like the journey of a butterfly. I am in the caterpillar phase where I am eating all the leaves I can while dodging my natural enemies until I get to the cocoon stage where all of this will wrap me up and keep me protected until my time to come out of the cocoon and morph into what God wants me to be.
Wow, I didn't realize all of that until I stopped, slowed my mind down and put these thoughts out here. Thank you for giving me the motivation to do just that. I really need to stop and meditate on things more often. I'd probably be amazed at all that has transpired in my mind if I could focus on it a little bit more.
I'm anxiously awaiting the Cd's from the conference to study in conjunction with my notes and look forward to even more blessings and transformations to take place as I continue to feast and flow in the spirit of the fruits.
I can't wait to get an update from you.
Take care.
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