the same, yet different.
I look the same, dress the same and if you were to interact with me you won’t know that there is a change yet I know that I am different. I feel like I am in a different place. I don’t quite know how to explain it but things are just different.
I’ve had thoughts running around my head for weeks now but just haven’t had the desire to put them down on paper but the fact that they keep surfacing tells me they need to get out.
My quiet time in the morning came to a halt three weeks ago and I’ve had a hard time restarting it. In some ways I miss it, in others I don’t. I feel like it lost its purpose and therefore I needed to take a break and rethink the whole process. In fact, I believe that is what is different. I’m rethinking everything; from the inside out, from the top to the bottom. I’m not in a settling mood any longer. I’ve been settled for far too long and that has to stop. I feel like I’m lukewarm in my walk with Christ right now and it’s not a fun place to be or even a place that He likes for us to be in.
“So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.” Revelation 3:16 (NKJV)
I’ve gotten complacent with going to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and serving on my committee but there is no real zeal or passion behind it. Our lessons are truly awesome and inspirational. I take notes, nod my head and get inspired for the moment but when the moment has passed I’m right back to the nothingness. It’s like I’m there but I’m not.
I’m honest, if I’m nothing else, and lately I just haven’t felt like I’m in the right places doing the right things. I have some loose ends that need to be wrapped up but then I feel like I need to step down and move on because where they are going is not the right path for me.
I've been busy focusing on everyone else's vision and dream and allowed mine to get buried in the process. As I've been refocusing, listening, reviewing and allowing my spirit to minister to me I've been able to hear - truly hear what it's been saying to me. What others have been saying to me and what God has been working on inside of me.
It has re-ignited my passion for the spoken and unspoken word. The thoughts that are not my own but from Him who called me and I have to put them out there. Not for myself but in obedience to what is on my heart and my mind. They won't always be popular. They won't always be easy to understand and digest but for those that are seeking they will answer the questions. They will reaffirm and reassure. They will infuse and ignite the sparks that have been dormant for many years waiting for this moment.