How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

This song has been sung by many people over the years but in my opinion Al Green's version was the best. These words sum up how I'm feeling today as I navigate through a very difficult situation in the life of someone I care for very deeply.

I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow.

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow, no one said a word about the sorrow.

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.


I am a fixer of broken things or at least that's what I try to be. I feel like that's what I do best - fix things, people, situations. It stems from being broken myself, being told that it (me & my life) was too broken to be fixed and not being able to fix myself.

My husband says I try to save the world but I don't think I'm that bad. I know I have limitations although I admit I don't always realize that I've stretched myself beyond them sometimes.

As a mom, I have spent so many days, weeks and years fixing my kids - bumps, bruises and scrapes; their stuff - broken bikes, trucks, trains and video games; and the messes - forgotten schoolwork, dented fenders, fights with friends. As they grew up, left home and ventured into the big bad world I've rushed to their side and helped put them and their lives back together again one piece at a time, one step at a time, one prayer at a time and for the most part it has been a successful partnership. But now they are at the age and point in their lives where they don't always want my help and when they do it's only for certain things but not others.

Lately, I keep finding myself in situations where as much as I would like to I can't fix the situation, the person or the things; they are greater than anything I, a mere human being with so many faults of my own, can do anything about. Nothing tears me up inside more than to see my children hurting and suffering because of choices that they have made and continue to make that create messes in their lives of monumental proportions that could have been avoided if only they had listened or allowed us to help. It is because of this my heart is broken. I feel stuck, useless and unable to move on; like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and its beating me down.

It's even more exasperating because I know that God can fix it, but without the permission of the parties involved he can't and he won't.

I know that at some point in our lives as parents we are to let our children go and let God but what mother can truly let go of her child. It is inherent in us to nurture, to love, to support and in my case to fix. But until they decide that they want my help to fix it or God finally figures out a way to help me accept that I can't always fix it, I have to step back and pray. Pray for safety, pray for guidance, pray for deliverance and pray for peace and healing of my heart that is broken as I watch my children teeter and totter on the brink of destruction as they gravitate toward the enticing yet harmful things this world is offering them.

Oh how I long for the days when they were two and three and I could grab them before they fell, steady them and set them back on the straight and narrow path out of harms way and into my outstretched arms waiting to love them and keep them safe.

It makes me ponder the depth of heartbreak our Father in heaven must feel as he sits high and looks low over us, watching as we boldly and brashly step out there making wrong choices and decisions daily breaking his heart and rejecting his offers to fix it.

My Girls

I thought that since you get to read my rants about the girls that I would introduce them to you.

The youngest will go to school in the fall and so their dependence on me has dropped dramatically in some ways but increased tremendously in others. They are constantly fighting for my time and attention with each other and with my husband. They could care less about whether I am home or not until I go to my room and then they all converge upon it and interrupt what little free time we try to carve out for ourselves. He’s very gracious about it and tries to give me time with them but I am frustrated by it. My normal routine is to try to get 15 to 20 minutes of alone time when I get home to change, go to the bathroom, decompress and check in with my husband before taking turns with all five of them individually while juggling dinner, baths and bedtime and an additional 30-45 minutes of up and down time for water, bathroom runs, the I forgot you need to: sign this, read this or run to the store and buy that because I have to have it for school tomorrow episodes. Throw in temper tantrums; fights among siblings, the phone, the door and anything I might have planned for the evening and you have chaos in a not so orderly way.

I try to treat them fair across the board to a fault but again my background plays a big part in making sure they never feel less loved than the other, treated differently or singled out in a negative way. Even with all the checks and balances I have in place it never seems to be enough or work out smoothly and on any given day at the end of the evening I find myself sitting on the side of the bed drained and feeling like a failure in a very big way.

Raising these girls is harder than anything I have ever encountered because each one has their own unique set of issues that are very real and have to be addressed in very specific ways (therapy, medication, alternate behavior charts, etc.) so what works for one doesn’t work for the other and just because you master one doesn’t mean you’ll be so successful at the other. As they get older things only get more complicated.

My oldest girl is sixteen going on twelve. She's not motivated, doesn't want to grow up one day and acting too old on others. I have to remind her that I am the mother because she is quick to chime in and tell them what to do or not do even when I'm standing right there. We don't see eye to eye on what I let them do or not do because she uses her power over them to be her little slaves. She wants to be "ghetto" instead of herself and is often at odds with how she is being raised with how the world tells her to be. She loves God, going to church and has a good relationship with Him. But peer pressure is unbelievable. She finds herself surrounded by friends who have very casual attitudes about sex, school, and life in general. Her generation is one of sub par potential. They have been spoon-fed and seem to think that is how life really is. Her life has not been that way and she has been exposed to far more reality than the majority of them which is a challenge in itself. She had a very difficult relationship with my ex-husband but through it all the one thing she seems to have captured from him was his short temper and brisk dictator like demeanor. At times and I have to call her out on it and remind her that we have feelings and that her tone and the context of her words is not acceptable. We are fully entrenched in the PMS world of hormones and fluctuate monthly with the cravings, the tears, the drama and in the next moment she's sweet, loving and an absolute joy. Boys are on the perimeter and we intend to keep them there stressing that her education is first and foremost. Sometimes its a struggle to keep her focused and moving forward but I think that eventually she will turn the corner herself and find her own motivation but for now I'll continue to push and prod her along when I'm not wanting to choke her out because of the eye rolling, teeth sucking, nonchalant attitude she can invoke in the blink of an eye.

Our ten year old is scared of her own shadow. She has a lot of issues with being loved and self-esteem due to the constant badgering she received at the hands of her dad. She was his verbal whipping post. He never spoke to her about anything nice or positive. He constantly put her down and made her question whether or not she was lovable. We went through a year and a half of therapy and made great progress but at times it still comes back full throttle and we have to work through it again. They say that time heals all wounds and so I'm prayerful that she will be totally healed one day and not so insecure and needy. In the meantime, we try to work through it one day at a time. She used to be my shadow literally for the first seven years of her life. She clung to my legs constantly. The past three years have been better for her and she has broken away and is learning to let me go and explore her world outside of our home. She's smart, talented, beautiful and going through puberty. We have braces, an expander and the beginnings of acne. In the 4th grade schools start the discussion on sex education and puberty. Trying to tell a 10 year old about puberty as she cries and covers her eyes and ears because her older sister has given her sound bites about how awful it is and now she’s scared...frustrating. ARGGHH! She's a bowling wonder and an artistic prodigy. Watching her grow up is like watching a baby colt get it's legs after birth. It's a wobbly beginning but the way they grow and catch their stride in the end is amazing and I know that is how she will be when she gets older - amazing.

A beautiful baby, fat, chubby and full of herself. That was how you would describe our seven year old. Now she has the diagnosis of attachment disorder/adolescent bipolar. They are major issues within themselves but when you couple that with compulsive lying, sticky fingers, stranger danger and a blatant disregard for authority you have a child that the system is anxious to swallow up, put on drugs and lock away; but not on my watch. I believe that you can overcome what life has tossed your way if you have the right elements surrounding you and so I am working hard to connect with the right people, to set up the right boundaries and not give up on a child some people would be happy to put away and not deal with because every day is a challenge of some sort - getting dressed, riding the bus, respecting teachers, accepting consequences for actions at school, on the bus and at home. Homework is a 2 -4 hour ordeal sometimes more but other days it goes off without a hitch and we're only in the first grade. Never knowing what to expect but trying to maintain some sense of order is trying. Yet she is lovely, sweet and very kind and all she wants to your attention and will do whatever it takes to get it over and over and over again.

Having a six year old with Asperger's hasn't always been easy. But I took the time to research it and come up with a plan that I felt was right for us. Staying home with her for two years was one of those choices. I also chose right out of the bat to mainstream her and she has done very well. Not to say that we don't have our challenges but for the most part no one would know that she has it unless she finds herself in a situation that she can't control. Home is the "safe" place and so we get the brunt of her frustration. But that is ok if she can hold it together until she gets home. We limit her introductions to strange places and people, are always cognizant that loud noises and places can have varying affects on her and limit those situations when possible. She is smart beyond her years and was accepted into the gifted program at school but she has her routine and if you deviate from it too much there is hell to pay. Calming her down takes a lot more as she gets older and she can be a bit overbearing and obnoxious just because that is her personality. She knows what she knows, she wants what she wants and she is going to be sure that you are aware of it. She doesn't have a feel for intruding on your personal space and sometimes we have to reign her in from getting into people's faces and talking very loudly. But please, whatever you do, don't intrude on her. Don't touch her and don't approach her directly. Let her initiate contact. She is not aware of her "inside" and "outside" voice. She has a hard time with kids who do wrong because she will tell them that they are doing wrong and find an adult to tell too. She has a definite thing about that but is quick to find a way to cast the blame off of herself and onto someone else by manipulating the situation. Well advanced in her reasoning skills. She'll make a great lawyer.

My five year old is a itty bitty thing but also a great ball of fire. She is a mixture of her siblings. Every single one of them. She mimics their behaviors and that makes it difficult to know if she has issues or she's truly just mimicking to get attention. Once school starts for her and she has the opportunity to find herself we hope that she will morph into her own personality. In the meantime we try to disregard a lot of what she does and focus her back on what she needs to be doing. Acting like a five year old. She has various nicknames to explain her behavior and her personality. Pipsqueak, jack rabbit, munch, and booger. Trust me she has earned each one of them. She can't sit still for a hot second. She loves to draw, color, sing, dance and be the center of attention. She will also test you to your limits just to see what you will do. She has a great set of lungs and will scream her head off or cry at the drop of a hat if she thinks it will get her what she wants or out of whatever trouble she has gotten herself into. She is very indecisive to the point that you want to pull your hair out. If you give her a choice she truly struggles with what to do and instead will do neither one and you find yourself making the choice for her and of course it's not what she wants. She often opts to go to bed rather than eat her food, take a bath or do her work if she decides that she doesn't want to and then she will sit in her room and yell, cry or play with her imaginary friends. She is stubborn and can wait out the average person. Thank goodness my husband and I are not average so we usually win in the end but boy is it a struggle. In some ways I pity her teacher but I'm praying that school will be fun for her and she won't have these issues there.

I CANNOT relate to some of their issues. I was such a tomboy that many of these issues are foreign to me. I only had one best friend growing up who was similar to me and so we didn’t have the squabbles that they are encountering. Sure I argued with my sisters but we mostly just ignored each other or went our separate ways. I don’t care about shopping, dressing in the latest styles, hair, or keeping up with the Jones so they don't get any sympathy from me in that regard. I do, however, care about their relationship with God, who they perceive themselves to be, their grades, who their friends are, what they watch and listen to and how they present themselves inside and outside of the house. Definitely not typical of parents today and so they feel like it’s not fair. Fair or not that is how it has to be.

I find myself questioning how good I really am at this. Part of me knows I’m not half bad but the other half feels like there is a piece of me missing here that is needed to get through the next 15 years with these girls. I don’t know when it left, where it went or why after all we went through it got lost but my compassion, empathy, sympathy and patience have gone on an extended holiday and been replaced by guilt and fear and I don’t know how to reclaim them. I feel guilty about what we went through and fear our broken judicial system and the brokenness of my own spirit at the hands of my ex-husband and the ensuing trauma that took place after he left.

There are days I resent them and their dependence on me. I resent their differences, their neediness and their self assurance that I will take care of it. At times their issues flare up and become a constant reminder of my failure. I have taken the burden of all their issues and heaped them upon myself and am buckling under from the pressure of it all - all their hurts, real or imagined; all of their emotional issues – severe and mild, their physical ailments, I claim those too. If only I had… but I didn’t and I can’t go back and change it but I don’t know how to let it go either and move forward reclaiming all that was lost along the way. I don’t know how to turn it over to God and say “here it is Lord, it’s all in here – the hurt, pain, sorrow, grief, anger, bitterness, heartache, brokenness, failures, wrong thinking, feeling and self mutilation (mentally and spiritually). Have it all. Take it away completely this time. Heal me, make me whole again. So I pray. I read the scriptures and make them my own. I chant them, I memorize them and I try using them whenever I feel I'm hanging by a thread.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (NKJV)

“That you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24 (NKJV)

“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5 (NKJV)

And just as quickly as I release it all up to Him I find myself claiming it right back again as soon as the next drama unfolds.

Each day is a tug of war with God over these girls and their issues. I just want things to be well but I also want them to be well now. I am not without my faults and independence and impatience are at the top of the list.

Surrendering myself and all that is within me to Him and letting Him handle it is just as much an issue as dealing with the girls. But I know it is what I must do.

I hate my life

I hate my life. I hate my life. I. Hate. My. Life. At this moment, I really do hate aspects of my life. My mind is in a bad place. I awake feeling this way and as the day progresses the feelings intensify.

I hate my house and dread returning there each night. The minute I walk through the door it’s like a cloak of discontentment, anger and frustration envelop me and I can’t shake it off. I physically feel weighted down, sick and drained. I find no comfort in any space in the house. I just want to be out of there; away from it all, the physical house and yes, even the occupants that reside there.

There is so much that needs to be done and we lack the financial resources and manpower to do most of it. There are projects in various stages of completion but nothing is done, finished, complete; and it’s about to drive me crazy. The tile in the downstairs bathroom needs to be finished up and then grouted. Our shower doesn’t work you have to turn the water on/off in the closet every day to take a shower, the sink has a hole beside the drain, the toilet needs to be flushed 2 times to make a complete flush and then it runs forever, there’s mold in the bathroom that multiplies over night and drives my allergies crazy and two people cannot be in there at the same time it’s too small. The garage is a complete mess. Stuff is everywhere. The office has become the dumping ground for everything that doesn’t have a place. The basement is still incomplete. I’d prefer to have the wood walls back than to continue to go down there every day and see it sheet rocked but an incomplete mess. I don’t want to see unfinished this and that. I just want something in my life to be complete.

I’m frustrated at the constant state of messiness that seems to prevail no matter how much I clean. I vacuum and a couple of hours later you can’t tell. I fold the clothes, put them in their rooms and ask them to put them away and then I see clothes everywhere; hanging out of drawers, stuffed in closets but not where they need to be and not neat. The kitchen is a perpetual mess and repeated attempts to show how it should be cleaned and threats on what will be done if it’s not are useless. They just don’t care. The hall bathroom is a breeding ground for all things unhealthy and gross. I can wipe it down and come back in a matter of minutes and find toothpaste, snot or something else smeared on a wall, a seat or the floor. The mirror is covered with toothpaste spittle and fingerprints. Lotion and hair detangler puddles litter the counter tops. The ring in the bathtub smiles at me daily and no one knows what a toilet brush is for and if they do, they consider it an annual event not a weekly one. Their rooms are a mess and weekly cleanings are a joke. They mess it up daily and if we didn't say anything it would stay that way. It's like they are oblivious to any kind of a mess.

Right now I don’t feel like a very good mother. In fact, I feel like I don’t want to be a mother at all. I am so frustrated with them that I just want to be left alone. I don’t want to see them, talk to them and definitely don’t want to hear them call my name. I cringe and ball up my fist every time one of them approaches me for anything which is constantly. I don’t want to do it. I just don’t want to be there with them. It’s too hard. Right now I’m in a place where I can’t separate how I’m feeling from what I need to be doing. I want to pull the plug and say I’ve had enough. Never have I felt so much like a failure but these girls have certainly worked me into a state that has made me feel that way.

Everyone looks at them and comments on how beautiful they are, how healthy and happy they look and what great girls they are but no one knows the hell that goes on in our home on a daily basis. They constantly fight with one another; they are selfish, they lack respect for self and others. I can’t take it. I’ve never experienced anything like it in my life and I’m drained from it all. The lies, the crying, the lack of motivation, the lack of self-discipline, the “me, me, me” factor, it’s enough to make you want to shoot yourself. Every day we have drama. Every day we have tears. Every day someone is not happy about something and wants everyone else to feel their discontentment. Every day. I’ve had enough of every days. I’ve talked, I’ve prayed, I’ve yelled, threatened and even spanked. Nothing is changing, nothing is getting better. They are all piggy backing off of one another and I don’t have the energy, the mindset, the stamina to deal with them. I’m done; truly, utterly spent. I want to walk away and not look back.

Yet each day I get up, get dressed and go to work for them. I fret and worry about how I’m going to take care of them. I lay awake thinking about keeping a roof over their heads, clothes on their back, food on the table for them to eat and take to school for lunch. I rob Peter to pay Paul for their activities, their basic daily needs and wants and have to ask myself why? They don’t care. They are the most ungrateful bunch of kids you ever want to meet. They want, they need and if they don’t get they cry, they whine and they try to make everyone around them miserable. It is just not right but I don’t know what to do to make it right.

I love them but I don’t like them. Not one of them. And that makes me not like myself and who I’ve become. The one thing that used to bring me so much joy is now the bane of my existence. Motherhood is now a dirty word. I don’t want to be a mom anymore. I don’t want to go through this, to feel like this, so utterly defeated by these children. They are like leeches and have sucked every ounce of love, energy, compassion, and life right out of me. No amount of discipline seems to work, no amount of talking, charting behaviors, rewarding good and ignoring bad has had an impact.

How did things get like this and how do we change them? How can I stop feeling this way? How can I gain a sense of control and regain the love, compassion and joy I felt about being a mother?

I called my counselor today and she assured me that what I’m feeling is normal, even typical and were she in my shoes she would have jumped off a cliff a long time ago. She reassured me that I was not crazy or losing my mind and that yes, “this too shall pass”. She also applauded me for my honesty. She said too often we walk around with these feelings bottled up and they push us to the limit but that I am acknowledging them, releasing them and trying to understand them and that is important. That if more women shared what they felt, experienced and lived through that we would be a better world because of it. No one wants to feel like this and think they are alone. No one wants the added weight of “is this normal, am I ok” wafting over them while dealing with the every day drama of life. She told me I had graduated and didn’t need to come in for a session because I knew what the issues were and would find my way through them. She has faith and confidence in me that I will win this war but in the process I might lose a battle or two and that is ok.

Five girls bring a lot of hormones in the mix and some of the issues they have that we deal with on a daily basis are fuel to the fire. They are in essence feeding off of each other’s issues and thus we have a snowball effect. Her advice: Take a break, get away as often as you can and don’t let them drag you into their mess. State your rules and consequences and stick with them no matter how they react. Eventually, they will come around but not all at the same time. So in essence, this will continue until the last one leaves home. Sigh.

“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come. Nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39 (NKJV)

And yes, this includes my children!

What I need are a few good prayer warriors who will pray with me and for me and these girls on a daily basis. Pray that they start to control their emotions, that they have listening ears and loving hearts. That they will not only do as I say, but do as I do. Put God first, start each day with thanks to Him, love unconditionally, share, be their sisters’ best friends and stop all the “hating” that they keep heaping on each other. Pray for peace and harmony in my home and in my heart and mind and pray that God keeps me through this time in my life. I know that greater things are in store and that I will look back on these days and be able to laugh about them especially when they have kids of their own and are complaining to me but right here, right now, it’s not fun.

I will be praying for wisdom, knowledge and understanding of these “aliens” who have invaded my children’s bodies. I know that we did not give my mom a 10th of the drama that I get from these girls, partly out of fear for our lives but also because we respected ourselves and our home. But I am also mindful of their issues and the circumstances of their lives that have made part of this dilemma what it is and I am praying that they can be healed of these issues as well. I know that prayer is the greatest thing I can do at this point and I will be on my face daily about this situation. I know the changes won’t happen over night but I do know that they can and will over time.

“Hear my prayer, O LORD, Give ear to my supplications! In Your faithfulness answer me, And in Your righteousness.” Psalm 143:1 (NKJV)

Every day is...

In less than 48 hours millions of women all over the world will be receiving breakfast in bed, flowers, home-made cards, bathrobes, body wash, jewelry and an assortment of brunches, dinners, desserts, etc. in celebration of Mother’s Day.

I appreciate the fact that we take time out each year to celebrate mom’s, dad’s and now even grandparents but feel conflicting emotions about why we do it.

In my book it ranks up there with Valentine’s Day. A day I don’t see any real value to. I don’t really get into it because I don’t feel that we should be told to show our love on any given day, in any particular way. Love is not something that can be brought by giving someone a box of chocolates or a dozen roses no more than you can say thanks to your mom, dad or grandparents with a card, a bouquet of flowers or a nice dinner somewhere.

If you have children then you know that every day is Mother’s, Father’s or Grandparent’s day. Parenthood is one of the greatest gifts God could bestow upon us, after the gift of mercy and grace brought to us through his son, Jesus Christ, who died for our sins.

Not everyone will have the opportunity to be a parent and nor does everyone desire that blessing. But when it happens to you and you embrace it for what it is, the blessings you receive from it outweigh any gift anyone could possibly give you as way of thanks.

I have never felt that a thank you was ever needed for the gift of my children. In fact, I feel that I am the one who should be thanking God for these blessings that He has allowed me to have in my life for however long He chooses to share them with me. They are not mine forever but merely on loan. It is an awesome responsibility; one that I take very seriously. It is my job to instill in them a solid foundation of God and his truth so that they can carry out the plan He has designed for each of their lives.

We were taught in the Bible to “honor our parents” as one of the original Ten Commandments. This is not a one time thing but a continuous act throughout our lives. It is what we do when we take what they have instilled in us and use it for the greater good. It is what we do when we sift the good from the bad and focus on the good. It is the inheritance we leave to our children. They will mirror our patterns. How we treat our parents will show them how to treat us when we get older. The love, respect and reverence we place upon our parents will flow down to our children and when we are gone they will know what to do not just from our words but most especially from our actions.


Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.”

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 11:18-19 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

We are also taught in the Word how to raise our children. Parenting is not an easy job.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

You will make mistakes; you will have trials and tribulation. Some will bring deep, gut wrenching heartbreak and others joy so overwhelming you won’t know how to contain it. There are no manuals, road maps or detailed instructions that will make your job any easier than what you will find in the Bible. The principles laid out in there will get you through the toughest of times and help you enjoy the good times even more.

Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

God holds children in the highest esteem and so should we. Yes, there are times when you would rather deny the existence of your children, long for your single days or declare war on the world should someone call you “mommy” for the gazillionth time but those moments are fleeting as is the time that we have with our children. I have learned much from them. They keep me humble. I have learned how to love unconditionally, to put off the selfish part of me in sacrifice for their needs, wants and desires. I have become stronger yet weaker and evolved into a totally different person as a result of having these children in my life. They are not burdens; they are not the reason for our failures. They should not carry our shame, bear the brunt of our anger or frustration. They are innocent in His eyes. They did not ask to be here and surely if they bring such joy to God they can bring some joy to you.

I understand that not all children are alike. Some have issues physically, mentally and psychologically that require a great deal of patience and restraint but with God, friends and family we can still have times of great delight with these children. They are blessings from God. Wonderful, marvelous blessings that can carry on our legacy for generations to come when we do what is required of us. Love them unconditionally, without malice, without prejudice, without restraint. Treating each one as the individual that he/she is. No preconceived notions just accepting them for who they are. Take time to listen to them, to "hear" them, to understand their needs. Each one is different but each one is special.

Psalms 144:12 Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace.

Proverbs 14:26 He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.

3 John 4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

Luke 18:15-17 People were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them; and when the disciples saw it, they sternly ordered them not to do it. But Jesus called for them and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it."

Matthew 18:1-5 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, " Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a child, whom he put among the, and said, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me."

So while my kids, my gifts from God, spend the next 48 hours attempting to shower me with love, gifts and platitudes of thanks I will be giving God thanks, praise and honor for allowing me to enjoy them for such a time as this. Knowing that thanks from them is not necessary but hearing the words from His mouth on my day of judgement, "well done, thy good and faithful servant" will be all the thanks I could ever hope for.

Hebrews 12:14

“Pursue peace with all people,...” (NKJV)

“You need to create every (don't miss even one!) way or mean, exerting all of your physical and mental power to the point of making a strenuous attempt to live in peace with ALL men."

Wow this is just what I needed to read today. To ponder this verse and to get the wisdom that is packed into it was an answer to a prayer. Not a prayer that I spoke out loud but one that I’ve been carrying around in my mind for a few days based on the next couple of posts that will follow this one.

Lynn Cowell did such a great job of working it out word by word and although it may not apply to your exact situation the way she worked it out I’m sure you can change the words to fit whatever it is you are going through to help make it more like He would have it to be.

If you want to read some really great advice on parenting or teens in general check in with her on Wednesday’s when she does these wonderful posts about “In the know”. As a parent it truly is our job to be in the know so that we can stay one step ahead of the world and our kids.