The counselor is in and I had a session yesterday. I thought I would go in and purge my soul and everything would be just fine but I had a hard time talking to her yesterday. I bounced all over the place talking about the girls, Jamar, work, school, etc. but never zeroing in on anything specific. So, although it was therapeutic in a way it was frustrating because I still walked out of there feeling out of sorts. I wanted to solve all the problems I’m facing and barely scratched the surface.The more I try to let things out the tighter I seem to be holding on to them. I don’t understand that. One would think that I would be ready to let go of it all. I feel that there is more at stake here than me opening up and releasing my inner demons. There is a war being fought and I’m just the pawn being shuffled all over the board. Something life altering is going to happen if I break through this current trial. I’m reading things that are making me aware that I am so much more than I have ever given myself credit for and I am trying to truly embrace those truths for the first time in my life.
My level of understanding has broadened and I am hungering to read more and let it sink into my soul. Although little things still cause big hurts I know that they are just distractions of the enemy and I am trying hard not to give in to them. Things are coming together in some areas and falling apart in others but I don’t expect a perfect life; never had one so why should I expect it now. What I am aiming for is the ability to roll with whatever comes my way without allowing it to send me into a tailspin or making it my truth when in reality it is a lie or trick of the enemy.
My breakthrough for the week is that I am not perfect but I’m not as bad as I have believed all these years. I have also finally started grasping the meaning of Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
Now I need to start the healing process of all those wounds, lies and judgments I inflicted on myself and start embracing His word and His love.
Kim;
ReplyDeleteI am learning that breakthroughs often come when we first let go of something. We get comfortable with pain, disappointment and despair because the enemy never stops trying to keep us from becoming the greatness that we are. But for change or something different to happen, we have to do or let go of something/someone that no longer works in our lives.
I am also learning that when relationships, plans and desires do not work out as we hoped, there is a time of grieving that we go through. We experience disappointment, shock and disbelief for a time because our hearts and minds know that we are not in a place to handle the heaviness of the sorrow involved. As God carries us through, whether we want Him to or not, we will get to a place where we will be able to let go, take a step or make a decision that will help us get to a new place or breakthrough.
God is in control of it all and most of what we think we have to do is not for us to do. Most of the change, breakthrough and healing comes from Him doing the work and us being still. We may feel lazy, but what we are in the midst of is usually something we do not have the power to overcome.
I know your breakthrough is coming. I hear it in your words. God is faithful!
Monica