Fall is here and it seems as if emotions are falling out of the trees instead of leaves. I've had several friends send me notes expressing their feelings about various issues in their lives over the past few days and while I could empathize with some, others I could not; nevertheless, because they are my friends and I love them I shared in their feelings. I ached because they ached, rejoiced because they rejoiced, and hurt because they were hurt.
I received this poem today and although I remember reading it many years ago today it struck me as if I had never read it before. I have not yet reached the point when I have had a good soul / life cleansing cry. In fact, I have yet to master crying for a period longer than 5 minutes; but there is hope for me yet, this I know. One day I too will have my day to cry for all the things that have hurt me, mine and the world in which I live. I revel in knowing that when that day happens that it will be by divine appointment and I will have nowhere to go but up once I am done.
Yesterday I Cried
by Iyanla Vanzant
I came home, went straight to my room,
sat on the edge of my bed,
kicked off my shoes,
unhooked my bra,
and I had myself a good cry.
I'm telling you,
I cried until my nose was running all over
the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad
that I could hardly see the pile of
soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.
Yesterday, I cried,
for all the days that I was too busy,
or too tired,
or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
and all the times I had dishonored,
disrespected, and
disconnected my Self from myself,
only to have it reflected back to me
in the ways others did to me
the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given,
only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that
had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished,
only to give them away,
to people in circumstances,
which left me feeling empty,
and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does
come a time when the only thing left
for you to do is cry.
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get
left by their daddies;
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;
and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy,
and because I was a little girl,
and because I was a mommy
who didn't know what to do,
and because I wanted my daddy to be there
for me so badly until I ached.
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt.
I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go
except deeper into the pain that
caused it in the first place,
and when it gets there,
the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late.
I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know
that my soul knew everything I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday,
and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying,
I felt my freedom coming,
Because Yesterday,
I cried with an agenda.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Hater
by Maya Angelou
A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!
When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...
That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed...
It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?
You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story...
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!
We've all got some haters among us!
Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb (if he/she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parents being in the home
Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.
How do you handle your undercover haters?
You can handle these haters by:
1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled.
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.
Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and fulfilled 'my' dreams,... Now I'm ready to go HOME!
When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at me...Look at Who is in charge of me...'
Watch out for Haters...BUT most of all don't become a HATER!
A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!
When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...
That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed...
It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?
You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story...
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!
We've all got some haters among us!
Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb (if he/she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parents being in the home
Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.
How do you handle your undercover haters?
You can handle these haters by:
1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled.
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.
Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and fulfilled 'my' dreams,... Now I'm ready to go HOME!
When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at me...Look at Who is in charge of me...'
Watch out for Haters...BUT most of all don't become a HATER!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Amazing Grace
To God be the glory!!!
I had to share this with you because His goodness and mercy cannot be stifled. We must shout it out to the world!
Two weeks ago we had a two-day, three session conference with Dr. Leroy Thompson on "Money Cometh." Thursday night was just blessed and we gave a "proper" offering for the first time this year - I say that because instead of me stroking a check, we asked God and then I asked Tony what he wanted to sow and we were both in agreement with what we decided to give. Tony attended the Friday morning session of the conference and sent me notes since I was here at work. His last note to me was that "Surprise Money" cometh to us so do not worry. We had several unexpected expenses that left us pretty tight financially but I was believing and praying that our breakthrough would come and so I received that anointing from Dr. Thompson and was doubly blessed and encouraged at Friday evening's service.
I have been praying over the scriptures he gave us during his conference and the materials that were in the partners package. It's amazing because I have given far more offerings this month than any other this year as I had committed to increasing my partnership seeds to several ministries that I sow into on a monthly basis and sowed into several people as my heart had been led this week. All the while I have been checking my bank account every day to make sure nothing "bounced" since I knew it would be a close call between what was outstanding and what was in the account. This morning I logged in and there was a balance that far exceeded what I had in there since my paycheck went in on Thursday night and came back out Friday night!!!! :-)
Only God could have moved like this my sweet sisters, only God!!! I received a lump sum amount for child support which will cover the remainder of the bills for the month!!!!! If that isn't surprise money I don't know what is!!!!
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah!!!
I took to heart what Dr. Thompson preached about this being a spiritual way of life, a process, not a get rich quick thing, not a slogan and certainly not something to play with or take lightly. I have felt so much better about sowing, about giving and giving generously. I have had a stronger desire to give and have been praying and will continue to pray that I be in a position to give even if I never see the fruits of my giving in whomever/whatever I am sowing. It has been so freeing to know that as I praise Him, as I glorify, magnify and exalt Him and follow His commandments and believe that He will bless me and prosper me according to His will. 1 Chronicles 29:10-13 has become one of my greatest passages of scripture. I read it and speak it every day and it brings me much joy to praise Him that way. I will continue to speak this as I walk boldly in this new process of living for God and allowing Him to use me to give to His people so that He can get the glory.
I pray that this will bless each of you in some way and for you to know the blessings according to Psalms 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." May you find delight in Him this day and every day!! Believe and obey.
I had to share this with you because His goodness and mercy cannot be stifled. We must shout it out to the world!
Two weeks ago we had a two-day, three session conference with Dr. Leroy Thompson on "Money Cometh." Thursday night was just blessed and we gave a "proper" offering for the first time this year - I say that because instead of me stroking a check, we asked God and then I asked Tony what he wanted to sow and we were both in agreement with what we decided to give. Tony attended the Friday morning session of the conference and sent me notes since I was here at work. His last note to me was that "Surprise Money" cometh to us so do not worry. We had several unexpected expenses that left us pretty tight financially but I was believing and praying that our breakthrough would come and so I received that anointing from Dr. Thompson and was doubly blessed and encouraged at Friday evening's service.
I have been praying over the scriptures he gave us during his conference and the materials that were in the partners package. It's amazing because I have given far more offerings this month than any other this year as I had committed to increasing my partnership seeds to several ministries that I sow into on a monthly basis and sowed into several people as my heart had been led this week. All the while I have been checking my bank account every day to make sure nothing "bounced" since I knew it would be a close call between what was outstanding and what was in the account. This morning I logged in and there was a balance that far exceeded what I had in there since my paycheck went in on Thursday night and came back out Friday night!!!! :-)
Only God could have moved like this my sweet sisters, only God!!! I received a lump sum amount for child support which will cover the remainder of the bills for the month!!!!! If that isn't surprise money I don't know what is!!!!
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah!!!
I took to heart what Dr. Thompson preached about this being a spiritual way of life, a process, not a get rich quick thing, not a slogan and certainly not something to play with or take lightly. I have felt so much better about sowing, about giving and giving generously. I have had a stronger desire to give and have been praying and will continue to pray that I be in a position to give even if I never see the fruits of my giving in whomever/whatever I am sowing. It has been so freeing to know that as I praise Him, as I glorify, magnify and exalt Him and follow His commandments and believe that He will bless me and prosper me according to His will. 1 Chronicles 29:10-13 has become one of my greatest passages of scripture. I read it and speak it every day and it brings me much joy to praise Him that way. I will continue to speak this as I walk boldly in this new process of living for God and allowing Him to use me to give to His people so that He can get the glory.
I pray that this will bless each of you in some way and for you to know the blessings according to Psalms 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." May you find delight in Him this day and every day!! Believe and obey.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Thinking Outside the box
Most of us, myself included, have a tendency to have our thoughts, beliefs, world values, etc. compartmentalized. Thus came the expression we think in a box. For the past three weeks I have been in training at the YWCA as a volunteer in the domestic and sexual assault division there. To say that this has been intense, volatile, and eye-opening would be an understatement because it has been that and so much more. It has been a healing experience as I have had many thoughts, experiences and feelings validated through this training as the experts have come and talked to us about why victims stay, the judicial system and victims, and who are victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. We had a visit to the ER of the local hospital where we will volunteer for a tour, a discussion about our role as a hospital advocate and that of the forensic nurse and what they have experienced during the course of their careers.
Myths have been shattered, new facts have been brought to light and anyone with a preconceived notion of what domestic violence and sexual assault were all about no longer have them. We started 20 strong and after three weeks we are 12 strong (11 women and one man ranging from 18 to 60+ and racially, socially and economically diverse). This is not for the weak at heart, or for the great crusaders of the world because we find that you can't save everyone and might not save anyone at all. You can't hold on to all that you used to hold to as truth and be of service to those you might come in contact with; and if you have issues with race, sexual orientation, or economic status this is not the place for you because you service everyone who is in need of service. They do not discriminate on any level other than not being able to assist the abusers of the victims they are there to help.
We don't think like we used you, process information like we used to or even talk to each other like we used to. We push for more details, deeper understandings and sometimes justice for the victims past, present and future. We want to stand face to face with the legislatures and ask them what they were thinking, if they were thinking when they passed these laws. We know we can't save everyone so we have to settle for making a difference to one person at a time even if it's just to hold their hand, give them a shoulder to cry on or be a voice on the other end of the crisis hot line telling them what their options are but not knowing if they are at the point when they can or will break away. We hope that they will realize that they are not alone and that although we may not understand everything they are going through we are there.
We have learned that it takes a team to get the job done. There is no little "i" or big "u" in the organization. It is everyone coming together to do their part to make the difference.
It has been amazing to watch my mind open up to new ways of thinking and processing the information and getting to that "ah ha" moment before the instructor has brought us full circle. I love how she pushes us to "marinate, massage and chew" on the information before we speak about it. We let it soak in and it becomes personal. If you weren't passionate when you began, somewhere along the line you crossed over and I dare you to start spewing those myths around us because we might bite your head off in an effort to stifle your ignorance. Knowledge is power and they have given us so much knowledge, more than I had at any one time in the entire time I've been dealing with my own issues in the domestic violence arena.
We have 18 hours of training left and then we will be off to our respective areas of volunteering but the bonds we have formed will continue to grow as we reach out to each other to share our experiences, trade off shifts, pass along information and at times decompress with one another to help us digest what we have done during our time as a volunteer.
We have become circles allowing the information to flow freely without barriers and we are loving it. At least I know that I am.
Myths have been shattered, new facts have been brought to light and anyone with a preconceived notion of what domestic violence and sexual assault were all about no longer have them. We started 20 strong and after three weeks we are 12 strong (11 women and one man ranging from 18 to 60+ and racially, socially and economically diverse). This is not for the weak at heart, or for the great crusaders of the world because we find that you can't save everyone and might not save anyone at all. You can't hold on to all that you used to hold to as truth and be of service to those you might come in contact with; and if you have issues with race, sexual orientation, or economic status this is not the place for you because you service everyone who is in need of service. They do not discriminate on any level other than not being able to assist the abusers of the victims they are there to help.
We don't think like we used you, process information like we used to or even talk to each other like we used to. We push for more details, deeper understandings and sometimes justice for the victims past, present and future. We want to stand face to face with the legislatures and ask them what they were thinking, if they were thinking when they passed these laws. We know we can't save everyone so we have to settle for making a difference to one person at a time even if it's just to hold their hand, give them a shoulder to cry on or be a voice on the other end of the crisis hot line telling them what their options are but not knowing if they are at the point when they can or will break away. We hope that they will realize that they are not alone and that although we may not understand everything they are going through we are there.
We have learned that it takes a team to get the job done. There is no little "i" or big "u" in the organization. It is everyone coming together to do their part to make the difference.
It has been amazing to watch my mind open up to new ways of thinking and processing the information and getting to that "ah ha" moment before the instructor has brought us full circle. I love how she pushes us to "marinate, massage and chew" on the information before we speak about it. We let it soak in and it becomes personal. If you weren't passionate when you began, somewhere along the line you crossed over and I dare you to start spewing those myths around us because we might bite your head off in an effort to stifle your ignorance. Knowledge is power and they have given us so much knowledge, more than I had at any one time in the entire time I've been dealing with my own issues in the domestic violence arena.
We have 18 hours of training left and then we will be off to our respective areas of volunteering but the bonds we have formed will continue to grow as we reach out to each other to share our experiences, trade off shifts, pass along information and at times decompress with one another to help us digest what we have done during our time as a volunteer.
We have become circles allowing the information to flow freely without barriers and we are loving it. At least I know that I am.
The ties that bind
Who or what ties you down? Everyone has something or someone in their life that continually holds them back or ties them down thus keeping them from being all they can be or excelling to heights even beyond their greatest dreams and desires. Some people refer to them as "dream killers", "peace stealer's" or "negative influences". Get the picture? This is not a new phenomenon. This goes back to biblical times.
God instructed in Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man should leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This was so that they could establish a family of their own without influence. He later instructed Abram in Genesis 12:1-4 to get out of his country, leave his family and go to another land so that he could bless him. Only Abram took Lot with him and in Genesis 13 it tells us that as time went on there became dissension among Lot and Abram's tribes and God had to separate them. Lot took what he thought to be the better land and Abram took the lesser but his land was blessed by God and he prospered greatly but not before leaving behind the contention, the family, and the dream killers.
I am feeling a lot like Abram, I have finally heard the voice of wisdom and am leaving behind the dream killers, the "haters", the nay sayers and the opinionated ones who can tell everyone what they need to be doing while their own lives are all jacked up this way and that. So this is a shout out to them all to say good-bye, farewell and good riddance, in some instances.
If you call my number and I don't answer after repeated attempts then the right answer would be no, I'm probably not that busy, I just don't want to talk to you anymore. If you send me repeated emails and I don't reply, again, I'm probably not that busy but I don't want to talk to you anymore and if you are bold enough to show up to my house uninvited I will probably be bold enough to say to you, "I wish you well, the best that God has for you but you are not what or who I need in my life at this time" or in modern slang "It's been real but you gotta go!"
The sad thing is that these people know who they are. They have been doing this their whole life and nothing has changed. They have always thought they could say or do whatever they want and haven't had too many people put up a stop sign and say enough is enough so they continue to do it. But for me after years of hearing them tell me what, when, how and with whom I should do be doing it, or how to raise my kids when you didn't raise your own, haven't had any of your own and never will because it didn't fit your lifestyle but you are still struggling in your own world don't you think you need to focus on your home, your own stuff, YOURSELF instead of regurgitating your life experiences both good and bad on others and trying to keep us as miserable as you obviously are?
Let me put it to you another way. If you start a conversation, voicemail or email with the words "I don't mean..." then don't start, don't leave a message, don't send the email and don't look me in the face and continue to talk. Those words should be your cue to examine yourself, your motives and ask yourself if what you are saying has any merit. Are you speaking out of love? Genuine concern for me and mine? Or is it jealousy, maliciousness or busybodiness? Is it true? Is it backed by scripture and tried and true worldly experience (and NO you are not worldly)?
If it is about my household and you don't know what I make, what my plans and goals are don't tell me what I should be doing or how I should be doing it. If it is about my kids, if you don't know EVERYTHING there is to know about the situation, the counseling sessions, physical, emotional and psychological details of the people involved and the context in which you are offering your opinion - DON'T.
If it's about my husband, marriage or job. Step very lightly. First examine your own spouse - if you are NOT married LEAVE IT ALONE; your own marriage - if you are divorced - DON'T go there and your own affairs at work - if you don't have a job, are retired or have never held my position - silence is golden. If you feel you can then come to me and pass judgement, advice or make a comment I suggest you pray about it first, find me a scripture reference that puts it in the right light and bring it on. Otherwise keep on keeping on.
And God forbid it be about your son, daughter, sister, brother, best friend's girlfriend, keep it to yourself because I don't want or need that gossip crossing my ear gates and messing up my flow with God.
Now with all that said please know that I will hold myself to the same standards so if I don't talk to you about your life, your kids, your husband, job or pet without your direct request to do so, it's not that I don't care but I probably don't have much to offer you by way of general conversation so it's best to say nothing at all.
Do know that I love you and am keeping you and yours lifted up in prayer but I'm in the process of cleaning my temple, my house, my heart and mind and in order to successfully do this I have to have a clean heart, a sound mind and let all the minutia go.
I will not be held down, beaten down or stripped of what is mine by the careless tongue of another. What God has for me is mine and I will not let the enemy come in and destroy me or mine any longer. I'm taking no prisoners and I'm not giving another inch while losing a mile in the process. So my wish for you is to walk in love and go in peace and I will do the same.
God instructed in Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man should leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This was so that they could establish a family of their own without influence. He later instructed Abram in Genesis 12:1-4 to get out of his country, leave his family and go to another land so that he could bless him. Only Abram took Lot with him and in Genesis 13 it tells us that as time went on there became dissension among Lot and Abram's tribes and God had to separate them. Lot took what he thought to be the better land and Abram took the lesser but his land was blessed by God and he prospered greatly but not before leaving behind the contention, the family, and the dream killers.
I am feeling a lot like Abram, I have finally heard the voice of wisdom and am leaving behind the dream killers, the "haters", the nay sayers and the opinionated ones who can tell everyone what they need to be doing while their own lives are all jacked up this way and that. So this is a shout out to them all to say good-bye, farewell and good riddance, in some instances.
If you call my number and I don't answer after repeated attempts then the right answer would be no, I'm probably not that busy, I just don't want to talk to you anymore. If you send me repeated emails and I don't reply, again, I'm probably not that busy but I don't want to talk to you anymore and if you are bold enough to show up to my house uninvited I will probably be bold enough to say to you, "I wish you well, the best that God has for you but you are not what or who I need in my life at this time" or in modern slang "It's been real but you gotta go!"
The sad thing is that these people know who they are. They have been doing this their whole life and nothing has changed. They have always thought they could say or do whatever they want and haven't had too many people put up a stop sign and say enough is enough so they continue to do it. But for me after years of hearing them tell me what, when, how and with whom I should do be doing it, or how to raise my kids when you didn't raise your own, haven't had any of your own and never will because it didn't fit your lifestyle but you are still struggling in your own world don't you think you need to focus on your home, your own stuff, YOURSELF instead of regurgitating your life experiences both good and bad on others and trying to keep us as miserable as you obviously are?
Let me put it to you another way. If you start a conversation, voicemail or email with the words "I don't mean..." then don't start, don't leave a message, don't send the email and don't look me in the face and continue to talk. Those words should be your cue to examine yourself, your motives and ask yourself if what you are saying has any merit. Are you speaking out of love? Genuine concern for me and mine? Or is it jealousy, maliciousness or busybodiness? Is it true? Is it backed by scripture and tried and true worldly experience (and NO you are not worldly)?
If it is about my household and you don't know what I make, what my plans and goals are don't tell me what I should be doing or how I should be doing it. If it is about my kids, if you don't know EVERYTHING there is to know about the situation, the counseling sessions, physical, emotional and psychological details of the people involved and the context in which you are offering your opinion - DON'T.
If it's about my husband, marriage or job. Step very lightly. First examine your own spouse - if you are NOT married LEAVE IT ALONE; your own marriage - if you are divorced - DON'T go there and your own affairs at work - if you don't have a job, are retired or have never held my position - silence is golden. If you feel you can then come to me and pass judgement, advice or make a comment I suggest you pray about it first, find me a scripture reference that puts it in the right light and bring it on. Otherwise keep on keeping on.
And God forbid it be about your son, daughter, sister, brother, best friend's girlfriend, keep it to yourself because I don't want or need that gossip crossing my ear gates and messing up my flow with God.
Now with all that said please know that I will hold myself to the same standards so if I don't talk to you about your life, your kids, your husband, job or pet without your direct request to do so, it's not that I don't care but I probably don't have much to offer you by way of general conversation so it's best to say nothing at all.
Do know that I love you and am keeping you and yours lifted up in prayer but I'm in the process of cleaning my temple, my house, my heart and mind and in order to successfully do this I have to have a clean heart, a sound mind and let all the minutia go.
I will not be held down, beaten down or stripped of what is mine by the careless tongue of another. What God has for me is mine and I will not let the enemy come in and destroy me or mine any longer. I'm taking no prisoners and I'm not giving another inch while losing a mile in the process. So my wish for you is to walk in love and go in peace and I will do the same.
Sweet 16
Sweet 16 and never been kissed. How many years ago did this phrase come about? 20, 30, 40 perhaps even 50 years? How many years ago did it stop being true? 30 for sure. It was a saying when I turned 16 but it wasn't a truth. At 16 I had been kissed. My first kiss came at 12 or 13 when we played spin the bottle at a friends house. I thought it was gross and that I would get cooties for sure but I wasn't going to be left out of the fun that the bigger kids were having so I went along with it.
Two weeks ago my baby girl turned Sweet 16 and I feel blessed and honored to say she has never been kissed. I'm not bragging about it because I know all too often that had the opportunities presented themselves we would be having a different conversation; but she has led what a majority of the world would consider a sheltered life. I call it a protected one. She is not naive. She is not "sheltered" nor would be considered to "not have a clue" but she has been restricted/limited in her activities, in her friendships and her relationships with her peers. She learned about "the birds and the bees" at 12 years old from ME, not the school. After school made their pitch we talked about it again and we continue to have these conversations every 60 days or so much to her chagrin.
In fact, I still talk to my 23 year old son about safe sex, abstinence, responsibility and respect of the opposite sex because I feel it is my responsibility to continue to foster these characteristics and moral ideals in their life.
My daughter has grown up with the knowledge that she would not be allowed to date until she turned 16. That she would not be dropped off at the mall, the movies or a friend's house if I haven't met the parents. She has been allowed to go out in groups but I was shadowing her in the background and she knew it. I watched her interact with her friends and I watched her friends and how they acted towards her and themselves. I want and have prayed for her to have good friends, and to make good choices but I also understand that peer pressure is a heavy thing and that in any given situation the overwhelming feeling of rebellion or defeat can come over you and you give in to a moment that could carry consequences that could last you a lifetime. I wasn't a saint nor am I now but I wish I had had more guidance, more knowledge and a much more realistic relationship with my mother when I was growing up.
I never had the talk about "sex". Not even after my older sister got pregnant at 15. I never learned that boys would tell me anything they could to get what they wanted. I never knew that something could hurt so bad, feel so good and carry such grave consequences or that it was a tool that both men and women use to get what they want.
So when I had children I promised that I would try to do for them the things I wished I had done for me when I was growing up, including having "unrealistic, nerdy morals" taught to them that I felt would have made me and the choices I made in my life less hurtful than they were. I have no regrets because the hardships have made me into who I am today but I want more for them and in order for that to happen I have to give them a higher/firmer foundation than I had.
So now she is 16 and well, to be honest, nothing has really changed. She still isn't dating, she doesn't go out on her own, I don't and won't drop her off at the mall or movies and leave her there but it's because she doesn't want me to because she's not ready. That is truly a blessing to me. I feel that God has given me a little bit more time to continue to mold her into what He wants her to be. A little bit more time to help her find herself, love herself unconditionally and trust herself to stand up for what she believes is right for herself and not do what it is that the "status quo" is doing.
I will cherish these next few months and I will take the time, as I did this Saturday, to have that one on one time to have a quick 15-minute conversation about "being true to yourself" that I came across while reading Tony Dungy's book "Uncommon - Finding your path to significance." I will cherish the Sunday afternoon's she comes to my room, lays across the bed and talks to me about nonsense or watches me as I type out my blog entries and questions my thoughts, my feeling and why I am how I am. I will cherish that I am her mother, that she respects my authority even when she doesn't like it and that she doesn't think that her life is all that bad although it's not all that she would like for it to be. I will cherish the days like today when she all by herself chooses to walk to the front of the church and rededicate herself to God because she feels like it is what she wants to do and that she didn't feel the need to discuss it with me because she's growing up and coming into her own.
And every morning when I rise to have my quiet time with God I will praise Him and thank Him for her, these moments and the fact that He blessed me with her for this time in my life. I will continue to petition on her behalf for godly friends, for divine knowledge, inspiration, understanding and protection, as is my divine duty, and I will release her back to Him so that He can continue to mold and shape her into that very thing that He began when she was yet in my womb for she is "wonderfully and fearfully" made by His glorious hands.
Two weeks ago my baby girl turned Sweet 16 and I feel blessed and honored to say she has never been kissed. I'm not bragging about it because I know all too often that had the opportunities presented themselves we would be having a different conversation; but she has led what a majority of the world would consider a sheltered life. I call it a protected one. She is not naive. She is not "sheltered" nor would be considered to "not have a clue" but she has been restricted/limited in her activities, in her friendships and her relationships with her peers. She learned about "the birds and the bees" at 12 years old from ME, not the school. After school made their pitch we talked about it again and we continue to have these conversations every 60 days or so much to her chagrin.
In fact, I still talk to my 23 year old son about safe sex, abstinence, responsibility and respect of the opposite sex because I feel it is my responsibility to continue to foster these characteristics and moral ideals in their life.
My daughter has grown up with the knowledge that she would not be allowed to date until she turned 16. That she would not be dropped off at the mall, the movies or a friend's house if I haven't met the parents. She has been allowed to go out in groups but I was shadowing her in the background and she knew it. I watched her interact with her friends and I watched her friends and how they acted towards her and themselves. I want and have prayed for her to have good friends, and to make good choices but I also understand that peer pressure is a heavy thing and that in any given situation the overwhelming feeling of rebellion or defeat can come over you and you give in to a moment that could carry consequences that could last you a lifetime. I wasn't a saint nor am I now but I wish I had had more guidance, more knowledge and a much more realistic relationship with my mother when I was growing up.
I never had the talk about "sex". Not even after my older sister got pregnant at 15. I never learned that boys would tell me anything they could to get what they wanted. I never knew that something could hurt so bad, feel so good and carry such grave consequences or that it was a tool that both men and women use to get what they want.
So when I had children I promised that I would try to do for them the things I wished I had done for me when I was growing up, including having "unrealistic, nerdy morals" taught to them that I felt would have made me and the choices I made in my life less hurtful than they were. I have no regrets because the hardships have made me into who I am today but I want more for them and in order for that to happen I have to give them a higher/firmer foundation than I had.
So now she is 16 and well, to be honest, nothing has really changed. She still isn't dating, she doesn't go out on her own, I don't and won't drop her off at the mall or movies and leave her there but it's because she doesn't want me to because she's not ready. That is truly a blessing to me. I feel that God has given me a little bit more time to continue to mold her into what He wants her to be. A little bit more time to help her find herself, love herself unconditionally and trust herself to stand up for what she believes is right for herself and not do what it is that the "status quo" is doing.
I will cherish these next few months and I will take the time, as I did this Saturday, to have that one on one time to have a quick 15-minute conversation about "being true to yourself" that I came across while reading Tony Dungy's book "Uncommon - Finding your path to significance." I will cherish the Sunday afternoon's she comes to my room, lays across the bed and talks to me about nonsense or watches me as I type out my blog entries and questions my thoughts, my feeling and why I am how I am. I will cherish that I am her mother, that she respects my authority even when she doesn't like it and that she doesn't think that her life is all that bad although it's not all that she would like for it to be. I will cherish the days like today when she all by herself chooses to walk to the front of the church and rededicate herself to God because she feels like it is what she wants to do and that she didn't feel the need to discuss it with me because she's growing up and coming into her own.
And every morning when I rise to have my quiet time with God I will praise Him and thank Him for her, these moments and the fact that He blessed me with her for this time in my life. I will continue to petition on her behalf for godly friends, for divine knowledge, inspiration, understanding and protection, as is my divine duty, and I will release her back to Him so that He can continue to mold and shape her into that very thing that He began when she was yet in my womb for she is "wonderfully and fearfully" made by His glorious hands.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
God is AWESOME!!!
Can I get real and transparent with you guys for a moment? I want to share what God did last night and today in real time so you can see the awesomeness of Him as He works on me, my friends and family. I hope this blesses you, gives you hope and lets you know that you are NOT alone.
To: Kim & Tony
From: Dell
God is AWESOME!
Let me tell you about last night. Why did I lose my keys last night when I’ve never lost them before? Why did Tony make a copy of the van key?
Maybe God wanted me off the road for another 20 minutes. When I got to the south side of the Willey Bridge, it was swarming with rescue vehicles and police. Something had happened not too long before I got there.
But what I really think is God wanted me to fellowship with you for a bit longer.
All I wanted to do when church was over was get in my van and be alone so I could have a good cry. (Another story for another time.) God, apparently, didn’t have the same plan. Maybe it wasn’t my night to have a good cry. Maybe I needed to share my meeting with Jessica. Maybe I needed to connect to you in some other way.
Whatever He did, I know He was working on my heart and my soul. He didn’t do it through the sermon because I don’t even remember what Bishop said. Interesting and awesome how He works!
When I got home, the keys were in my purse - stuck to a magnet which explains why when I emptied the purse and shook it upside down, the keys didn’t come out.
You guys (and God) may have saved my life. Or maybe you just saved my evening. Thank you!!!!!
To: Dell
From: Kim
I don’t even know how to respond. I’m overwhelmed by emotions because yes he is AWESOME! Why? is such a big question that none of us really has the answer to. I ask it all the time. Why did you come into my life when you did? Why are you still here???? Why when I need it the most but resist it with all my might does He use you to minister to me? And why in the midst of our messes does He show up and show out like last night? Your message is an inspiration not just for me but for everyone. Can I post it on my blog if I change the names because I know that just like this touched me it can and will touch others and let them know that He is there watching, planning, doing all He can for us and we don’t really have a clue?
I’m sorry you wanted to have a good cry – you should have told me because I would have had one with you. I too was feeling a bit out of sorts as if you couldn’t tell. Yes, I want to hear the story… But I’m glad we got to talk about Jess. It made me feel so good for her and you guys and all that you have been going through. I see light at the end of the tunnel, I see joy in your face and hear hope in your voice along with a certain measure of caution which is good. But most of all I see this whole family thing coming together in a way that we can’t explain but yet for the grace of God… and that was what I needed from you last night.
Whatever the reason for the evening turning out the way it did it all comes back to God. We were just the vessels He chose to use and thankfully He found us fit to be used although both of us weren’t in the mood but our obedience is to Him and his will first and foremost and for that I am grateful.
It didn’t make our evening any better but it probably stopped it from being worse. And today is a new day. Same stuff just a different day and prayerfully a different outlook on things. If you want to help can you adopt a couple of my kids???? Just kidding, I think.
To: Kim
From: Dell
What an inspirational response, Kim! We are so doggone blessed, the two of us!!!!!!!!! Yes, He is constantly putting us together to be support to each other and it seems there’s just no way but His way. I know the last thing you wanted to do last night was drag my sorry butt to your house to retrieve a key, but you did what He told you to do, and we’re both better for it.
And bless Tony’s little self! What if you had to drive me all the way home, and come to find out the key was with me all the time! God is such a practical joker, I suppose He would have had a good laugh over that!!!! Of course, that would have put us on the Willey Bridge at the wrong time. Nope, it would have been the right time, and our assignment for the evening would have been different, yes?
Of course you can put my story on your blog, and I could care less if you change the names. You’re not protecting any innocent here.
The problem with me adopting any of your children is I want the ones you want to keep. Hehehehe!
Kim, God is really working me over right now. And while it’s intimidating and humbling, I think I am finally releasing some things to him. He proved when I turned Jessica over to Him what he could do, and now He’s on the next phase. Stay tuned!
Hallelujah and Praise God. Her testimony is a song to my heart. And all that God did between the three of us last night words cannot describe. But I firmly believe that there are no coincidences that everything is timed according to His will and His purpose and by His grace and mercy we were all blessed by this moment and we didn't have a clue until we came together and shared our own experiences and saw how it all wove together to form this incredible worship experience.
To: Kim & Tony
From: Dell
God is AWESOME!
Let me tell you about last night. Why did I lose my keys last night when I’ve never lost them before? Why did Tony make a copy of the van key?
Maybe God wanted me off the road for another 20 minutes. When I got to the south side of the Willey Bridge, it was swarming with rescue vehicles and police. Something had happened not too long before I got there.
But what I really think is God wanted me to fellowship with you for a bit longer.
All I wanted to do when church was over was get in my van and be alone so I could have a good cry. (Another story for another time.) God, apparently, didn’t have the same plan. Maybe it wasn’t my night to have a good cry. Maybe I needed to share my meeting with Jessica. Maybe I needed to connect to you in some other way.
Whatever He did, I know He was working on my heart and my soul. He didn’t do it through the sermon because I don’t even remember what Bishop said. Interesting and awesome how He works!
When I got home, the keys were in my purse - stuck to a magnet which explains why when I emptied the purse and shook it upside down, the keys didn’t come out.
You guys (and God) may have saved my life. Or maybe you just saved my evening. Thank you!!!!!
To: Dell
From: Kim
I don’t even know how to respond. I’m overwhelmed by emotions because yes he is AWESOME! Why? is such a big question that none of us really has the answer to. I ask it all the time. Why did you come into my life when you did? Why are you still here???? Why when I need it the most but resist it with all my might does He use you to minister to me? And why in the midst of our messes does He show up and show out like last night? Your message is an inspiration not just for me but for everyone. Can I post it on my blog if I change the names because I know that just like this touched me it can and will touch others and let them know that He is there watching, planning, doing all He can for us and we don’t really have a clue?
I’m sorry you wanted to have a good cry – you should have told me because I would have had one with you. I too was feeling a bit out of sorts as if you couldn’t tell. Yes, I want to hear the story… But I’m glad we got to talk about Jess. It made me feel so good for her and you guys and all that you have been going through. I see light at the end of the tunnel, I see joy in your face and hear hope in your voice along with a certain measure of caution which is good. But most of all I see this whole family thing coming together in a way that we can’t explain but yet for the grace of God… and that was what I needed from you last night.
Whatever the reason for the evening turning out the way it did it all comes back to God. We were just the vessels He chose to use and thankfully He found us fit to be used although both of us weren’t in the mood but our obedience is to Him and his will first and foremost and for that I am grateful.
It didn’t make our evening any better but it probably stopped it from being worse. And today is a new day. Same stuff just a different day and prayerfully a different outlook on things. If you want to help can you adopt a couple of my kids???? Just kidding, I think.
To: Kim
From: Dell
What an inspirational response, Kim! We are so doggone blessed, the two of us!!!!!!!!! Yes, He is constantly putting us together to be support to each other and it seems there’s just no way but His way. I know the last thing you wanted to do last night was drag my sorry butt to your house to retrieve a key, but you did what He told you to do, and we’re both better for it.
And bless Tony’s little self! What if you had to drive me all the way home, and come to find out the key was with me all the time! God is such a practical joker, I suppose He would have had a good laugh over that!!!! Of course, that would have put us on the Willey Bridge at the wrong time. Nope, it would have been the right time, and our assignment for the evening would have been different, yes?
Of course you can put my story on your blog, and I could care less if you change the names. You’re not protecting any innocent here.
The problem with me adopting any of your children is I want the ones you want to keep. Hehehehe!
Kim, God is really working me over right now. And while it’s intimidating and humbling, I think I am finally releasing some things to him. He proved when I turned Jessica over to Him what he could do, and now He’s on the next phase. Stay tuned!
Hallelujah and Praise God. Her testimony is a song to my heart. And all that God did between the three of us last night words cannot describe. But I firmly believe that there are no coincidences that everything is timed according to His will and His purpose and by His grace and mercy we were all blessed by this moment and we didn't have a clue until we came together and shared our own experiences and saw how it all wove together to form this incredible worship experience.
8 Years & Counting - Making Strides 2009
For the past eight years I've dedicated my time, energy and heart into walking for a cure. Every year we get closer but not without a lot of help on the part of you - my friends, family and coworkers. I thank you for the support you have shown me over the years and I look forward to another successful year in making a difference.
I understand that times are economically challenging right now but every $ you donate makes a difference. So please give even if it's not as much as you would like.
We all know someone who has been affected by this disease and the only way to stop it is to find a cure.
God bless and I thank you for your support!!
Click here to visit my personal page.If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY10SouthAtlantic?px=1229805&pg=personal&fr_id=19949&fl=en_US&et=VfmaA_ZLmRa4CQCNmpv-pw..&s_tafId=361028
Kim
I understand that times are economically challenging right now but every $ you donate makes a difference. So please give even if it's not as much as you would like.
We all know someone who has been affected by this disease and the only way to stop it is to find a cure.
God bless and I thank you for your support!!
Click here to visit my personal page.If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY10SouthAtlantic?px=1229805&pg=personal&fr_id=19949&fl=en_US&et=VfmaA_ZLmRa4CQCNmpv-pw..&s_tafId=361028
Kim
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
MIA no more
Yes, I have been Missing In Action but here I am again. This summer has been slam packed full of activities that have kept me off the boards and living life or something similar to it. We have had 5 trips to the beach, 4 trips to North Carolina, attended 3 family reunions, went to the park, the zoo, the farm and then some. I am tired from ripping and running up and down the highway although I have to admit that I didn't do the driving! Thanks honey...
We had physicals, dentist and orthodontist appointments, eye appointments, summer school and now we are gearing up for orientation and back to school nights at 2 different schools for 4 different kids.
Somewhere during that time I worked my normal 10-12 hour day schedule and managed to take off 2 whole days to make long weekends with the kids.
We had the stomach bug run through the house 2 times, poison ivy, mosquito bites, spider bites, found snakes, moles, and mice in the yard and cleared a spot for the garden. We had sinus infections, a summer cold, nose bleeds, scrapes, bumps and bruises and one broken arm (not one of our kids) but nothing we couldn't handle.
The pool offered respite on those hot, humid days, the trampoline gave them exercise and giggles galore, they swung, they slid on the slide, they rode bikes, they went to the park, they played in the dirt, they played at the mall and they watched less TV and spent more time outside. Our bi-weekly trips to the library kept them well read and their teachers will be pleased at their reading list for the summer. I just love the library!
It was a successful summer but I'm not sorry to see it end. I'm ready for the routine of school - the going to bed, getting up and doing everything according to a schedule. I'm looking forward to no more arguments about staying up late, what's for breakfast, I'm bored, it's too hot outside, can we go outside, can I ride my bike, I don't want to ride my bike, what are we going to do, where are we going, are we there yet.
Done, done and done at least for the next 105 days until Christmas holiday when they will be out for two weeks and bored by the third day home.
We had physicals, dentist and orthodontist appointments, eye appointments, summer school and now we are gearing up for orientation and back to school nights at 2 different schools for 4 different kids.
Somewhere during that time I worked my normal 10-12 hour day schedule and managed to take off 2 whole days to make long weekends with the kids.
We had the stomach bug run through the house 2 times, poison ivy, mosquito bites, spider bites, found snakes, moles, and mice in the yard and cleared a spot for the garden. We had sinus infections, a summer cold, nose bleeds, scrapes, bumps and bruises and one broken arm (not one of our kids) but nothing we couldn't handle.
The pool offered respite on those hot, humid days, the trampoline gave them exercise and giggles galore, they swung, they slid on the slide, they rode bikes, they went to the park, they played in the dirt, they played at the mall and they watched less TV and spent more time outside. Our bi-weekly trips to the library kept them well read and their teachers will be pleased at their reading list for the summer. I just love the library!
It was a successful summer but I'm not sorry to see it end. I'm ready for the routine of school - the going to bed, getting up and doing everything according to a schedule. I'm looking forward to no more arguments about staying up late, what's for breakfast, I'm bored, it's too hot outside, can we go outside, can I ride my bike, I don't want to ride my bike, what are we going to do, where are we going, are we there yet.
Done, done and done at least for the next 105 days until Christmas holiday when they will be out for two weeks and bored by the third day home.
My Sister's Keeper
Last night I went with a group of women from the church (WOW ministries human services division and the Treasure Wythe Inn) to Manor House to visit the women that live there and be a blessing to them through donations made last week.
The theme last night was “My Sister’s Keeper” and it was such a blessing. Manor House is a transitional home, located in Richmond and run by The New Life for Youth Ministries, for women going through different circumstances in life – drugs and alcohol abuse, emotionally broken down, homeless, etc. They live there for 12 months and during that time they are stripped of everything that is binding them up and rebuilt upon the foundation of God. It’s not an easy thing and there are a lot who start the program but never finish (but a seed is planted). For those that stay God does a mighty work in them.
They range in age from 18 – 40+ and are racially and economically diverse in their backgrounds but what they have in common is the desire to be better than they were. They want to make something of themselves and they want it to be through God. They have that disciple’s spirit of less of me and more of you God.
I was in awe of them last night and my cup runneth over from the opportunity to serve them. I was tremendously blessed just by being there in their midst and then to talk with them, hear their stories and feel the spirit was enough to allow the emotions to come tumbling out. I cried, I hugged and received hugs enough to fill my empty reservoir. The light in their eyes matched the smiles on their faces and even when they talked about how hard the program is, how much they miss their children, husbands, friends and family you could still see that desire in them to continue on.
To be able to fellowship with them, to encourage them to hang in there and share with them that although we might look like we have it all together we don’t, was very humbling. Outside appearances can be very deceiving and we let them know that. We have all gone through some stuff, we are all going through some stuff and we will continue to be challenged in our lives if we live for Christ but we are not alone. That was the message last night.
We all have the opportunity to be our sister’s keeper. To make a difference in the lives of the women we come in contact with in our lives whether it be at that home, our own homes, on the job, or even in the store there is always an opportunity to be our sister’s keeper.
No matter where you go in the world you are not alone. There are sisters everywhere you go. You just need to be open to the Spirit and ask God for the opportunity to be of service and He will reveal it to you. It might be just for that bus ride to the mall or that moment during a sporting event for your child that you connect with someone but that’s one more moment when you can share, inspire or uplift a broken hearted soul with a look, a hug, a kind word, or something more tangible like a meal, some money or clothes, if so moved.
We have all been charged with being our “brother’s keeper” and that goes for us sisters too. So I am blessed in spite of my mess and right now my mess is less on my mind than finding the next opportunity to be my sister’s keeper or to serve someone, some how in some way that will continue to give God the glory and take “me” out of the equation.
How about you?
The theme last night was “My Sister’s Keeper” and it was such a blessing. Manor House is a transitional home, located in Richmond and run by The New Life for Youth Ministries, for women going through different circumstances in life – drugs and alcohol abuse, emotionally broken down, homeless, etc. They live there for 12 months and during that time they are stripped of everything that is binding them up and rebuilt upon the foundation of God. It’s not an easy thing and there are a lot who start the program but never finish (but a seed is planted). For those that stay God does a mighty work in them.
They range in age from 18 – 40+ and are racially and economically diverse in their backgrounds but what they have in common is the desire to be better than they were. They want to make something of themselves and they want it to be through God. They have that disciple’s spirit of less of me and more of you God.
I was in awe of them last night and my cup runneth over from the opportunity to serve them. I was tremendously blessed just by being there in their midst and then to talk with them, hear their stories and feel the spirit was enough to allow the emotions to come tumbling out. I cried, I hugged and received hugs enough to fill my empty reservoir. The light in their eyes matched the smiles on their faces and even when they talked about how hard the program is, how much they miss their children, husbands, friends and family you could still see that desire in them to continue on.
To be able to fellowship with them, to encourage them to hang in there and share with them that although we might look like we have it all together we don’t, was very humbling. Outside appearances can be very deceiving and we let them know that. We have all gone through some stuff, we are all going through some stuff and we will continue to be challenged in our lives if we live for Christ but we are not alone. That was the message last night.
We all have the opportunity to be our sister’s keeper. To make a difference in the lives of the women we come in contact with in our lives whether it be at that home, our own homes, on the job, or even in the store there is always an opportunity to be our sister’s keeper.
No matter where you go in the world you are not alone. There are sisters everywhere you go. You just need to be open to the Spirit and ask God for the opportunity to be of service and He will reveal it to you. It might be just for that bus ride to the mall or that moment during a sporting event for your child that you connect with someone but that’s one more moment when you can share, inspire or uplift a broken hearted soul with a look, a hug, a kind word, or something more tangible like a meal, some money or clothes, if so moved.
We have all been charged with being our “brother’s keeper” and that goes for us sisters too. So I am blessed in spite of my mess and right now my mess is less on my mind than finding the next opportunity to be my sister’s keeper or to serve someone, some how in some way that will continue to give God the glory and take “me” out of the equation.
How about you?
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