Kindergarten Sex

My six year old had a very interesting day at school yesterday. It seems she was approached by two boys in her class to have sex. She knew right away that this "sex" thing was inappropriate so she went to the teacher.

She was embarrassed and a confused. A couple of other kids tried to make a bigger deal out of it so we told her not to discuss it with anyone else.

I'm blown away because there was a lot more to it than the let's play doctor scenario kids usually try. Each one kept telling her that the other wanted to have sex or kiss her and then they threw another boy in the mix and it was just a big confusing mess.

Did you ever get propositioned at 6 years old? I don't remember even thinking or knowing anything about sex back at that age!


Flash forward a couple of days...

What has been really interesting has been the parents reaction to this. The teacher felt the behavior was inappropriate and of course school guidelines are very stringent about touching, etc. but the parents didn't think it was a big deal. It' s normal and something they see every day on TV so it is to be expected was the general gist of things. I don't believe that. I don't think that it is something that should be considered normal in the every day life of a six year old. At least not my six year old.

Of course this brought up the issue of how much things have changed over the years and how our parenting styles are different.

I am from the old school generation and very proud of it. My kids already know if they come to me what I'm going to say: Who - are you going with, who will be there; What - are you going to do, When - will you be back, when is this taking place, Where - is this taking place, where are the parents; Why - do you want to go and How - will you get there or back home, how much does it cost. If they don't have the answers, they don't get to go, do or have. I must "meet the parents" and establish a rapport. I want to make sure we share the same values and that they will not allow my child to be exposed to things I don't feel are appropriate. If that doesn't happen then my kids don't participate. To date, none have felt that they have missed out or that I've ruined their lives. In fact, they thank me for being how I am even though it is not considered cool. They relish in the fact that I care enough about them to ask the tough questions and if I don't get the right answers to hold to my rules and not buckle under the pressure.

They know if what they are watching is appropriate or not and they will come to me if they are undecided or if someone is trying to break the rule. They enjoy being kids and not learning about stuff faster than necessary. I feel blessed that they still have a bit of innocence and am saddened with each passing day knowing that it could all be shattered in a heartbeat. But I will remain vigilant in trying to keep them children for as long as possible. Once they cross that line and the world's view and tentacles of attraction get hold of them it is hard to maintain what little control we as parents do have.

My older kids are quick to tell me how much they miss their life before leaving home; the way things were and how they we allowed to just be themselves without having to search for acceptance in the outside in the world. Now that they are out there they long for the safety and security of home; the innocence that we allow to exist there.

Our heads aren't in the sand. We know the latest trends, the names of the newest drugs for fun and those being used to commit rape. We know about sexting, cyber bullying, friends w/benefits, in rise in teenage suicide, huffing, etc. but we don't make it a big deal in our home. We don't let them watch shows that are too provocative, or that offer too much information too soon. We try to keep it real and on their level. We read their Facebook and My Space pages, check their text messages on their phones and limit their access and time on the computer, TV and video games. We try to instill in them a love for God, family, themselves and their peers. We challenge them to challenge themselves. To pick up a book and read, to draw, to engage each other in meaningful conversations and to listen and interact with everyone, especially the elderly who have a lot of great wisdom to impart.

We live in a evil world that will only getting worse over time. But we don't have to let that evil permeate and sully our homes, our minds or our kids. We can have a good life keeping that which is good, righteous, just, and pure first and foremost in our world. Just because we are surrounded by it doesn't mean we have to succumb to it. It is a daily struggle but one I am willing to gird my family and myself up against to fight off.

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;" Ephesian 6:13-15 (NKJV)

Sex in kindergarten is NOT an option. It's not even up for discussion in this home.

The ties that bind

Who or what ties you down? Everyone has something or someone in their life that continually holds them back or ties them down thus keeping them from being all they can be or excelling to heights even beyond their greatest dreams and desires. Some people refer to them as "dream killers", "peace stealer's" or "negative influences". Get the picture? This is not a new phenomenon. This goes back to biblical times.

God instructed in Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man should leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This was so that they could establish a family of their own without influence. He later instructed Abram in Genesis 12:1-4 to get out of his country, leave his family and go to another land so that he could bless him. Only Abram took Lot with him and in Genesis 13 it tells us that as time went on there became dissension among Lot and Abram's tribes and God had to separate them. Lot took what he thought to be the better land and Abram took the lesser but his land was blessed by God and he prospered greatly but not before leaving behind the contention, the family, and the dream killers.

I am feeling a lot like Abram, I have finally heard the voice of wisdom and am leaving behind the dream killers, the "haters", the nay sayers and the opinionated ones who can tell everyone what they need to be doing while their own lives are all jacked up this way and that. So this is a shout out to them all to say good-bye, farewell and good riddance, in some instances.

If you call my number and I don't answer after repeated attempts then the right answer would be no, I'm probably not that busy, I just don't want to talk to you anymore. If you send me repeated emails and I don't reply, again, I'm probably not that busy but I don't want to talk to you anymore and if you are bold enough to show up to my house uninvited I will probably be bold enough to say to you, "I wish you well, the best that God has for you but you are not what or who I need in my life at this time" or in modern slang "It's been real but you gotta go!"

The sad thing is that these people know who they are. They have been doing this their whole life and nothing has changed. They have always thought they could say or do whatever they want and haven't had too many people put up a stop sign and say enough is enough so they continue to do it. But for me after years of hearing them tell me what, when, how and with whom I should do be doing it, or how to raise my kids when you didn't raise your own, haven't had any of your own and never will because it didn't fit your lifestyle but you are still struggling in your own world don't you think you need to focus on your home, your own stuff, YOURSELF instead of regurgitating your life experiences both good and bad on others and trying to keep us as miserable as you obviously are?

Let me put it to you another way. If you start a conversation, voicemail or email with the words "I don't mean..." then don't start, don't leave a message, don't send the email and don't look me in the face and continue to talk. Those words should be your cue to examine yourself, your motives and ask yourself if what you are saying has any merit. Are you speaking out of love? Genuine concern for me and mine? Or is it jealousy, maliciousness or busybodiness? Is it true? Is it backed by scripture and tried and true worldly experience (and NO you are not worldly)?

If it is about my household and you don't know what I make, what my plans and goals are don't tell me what I should be doing or how I should be doing it. If it is about my kids, if you don't know EVERYTHING there is to know about the situation, the counseling sessions, physical, emotional and psychological details of the people involved and the context in which you are offering your opinion - DON'T.

If it's about my husband, marriage or job. Step very lightly. First examine your own spouse - if you are NOT married LEAVE IT ALONE; your own marriage - if you are divorced - DON'T go there and your own affairs at work - if you don't have a job, are retired or have never held my position - silence is golden. If you feel you can then come to me and pass judgement, advice or make a comment I suggest you pray about it first, find me a scripture reference that puts it in the right light and bring it on. Otherwise keep on keeping on.

And God forbid it be about your son, daughter, sister, brother, best friend's girlfriend, keep it to yourself because I don't want or need that gossip crossing my ear gates and messing up my flow with God.

Now with all that said please know that I will hold myself to the same standards so if I don't talk to you about your life, your kids, your husband, job or pet without your direct request to do so, it's not that I don't care but I probably don't have much to offer you by way of general conversation so it's best to say nothing at all.

Do know that I love you and am keeping you and yours lifted up in prayer but I'm in the process of cleaning my temple, my house, my heart and mind and in order to successfully do this I have to have a clean heart, a sound mind and let all the minutia go.

I will not be held down, beaten down or stripped of what is mine by the careless tongue of another. What God has for me is mine and I will not let the enemy come in and destroy me or mine any longer. I'm taking no prisoners and I'm not giving another inch while losing a mile in the process. So my wish for you is to walk in love and go in peace and I will do the same.