Dreaming New Dreams

Right now there is a recurring theme in my life - I am "chewing/contemplating/reviewing" and trying to sort out where I've been from where I'm going. I feel that this is the opportune time for me as I start my newly married life with my husband. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to start over; to be given another chance at love w/another person (as we all have the love of God) which is something we all desire but not all of us find in this lifetime.

I haven't had a life of dreams. To me it's all been about survival. Surviving my childhood. I couldn't wait to leave home and get away from all the demons that haunted me there. Then it was getting through my 20's and trying to find myself. When I hit 30 things skidded to a halt with the untimely illness of my dad and his death. At 35 I was having another baby and moving back home to Richmond from Virginia Beach and again it was about surviving with 3 kids, a full-time job, school and my first marriage. Fast forward 10 years, 10 kids, 2 jobs, 2 years of staying at home with my babies, the breakup of my abusive marriage and here I stand:

Happy, thriving and DREAMING of a future filled with so many possibilities it boggles my mind.

Not the dreams of kids - $$$, big houses, fancy cars, vacations around the world but dreams of many great moments like this past weekend with friends and family - making memories that last a lifetime.

Dreams of my kids, grand kids, and time with my husband. Dreams of seeing them in college, getting married and asking for our advice. Dreams of many more mornings of seeing the sunrise, feeling it caress my skin and warm the earth. Dreams of reaching out and serving in the community and giving back to everyone that assisted me when I needed it most.

Just the idea of dreaming is a blessing in itself because it's not something I ever let myself do. I refused to have those hopes and desires only to see them dashed but now, well if they don't all happen that's OK. I'm going to enjoy the journey that gets me there. One day at a time, one dream at a time and no pressure to attain them but permission to enjoy it to the hilt when/if I do!

One of my favorite weekly columnists from Canada, Sheila Way Gregoire, had a column about dreams that I have been thinking about since I read it. I totally agree with her thoughts about changing what you dream about as your life changes. Look at me - not only am I changing my thoughts but making them better, more fulfilling and less intangible.

How about you? What dreams have you had looming over your head for years that weigh heavy on you because you haven't fulfilled them? Isn't it time to let them go or rethink them so that they will bring you joy, hope and inspiration not heartache?

Dreaming New Dreams
May 22, 2009

Last weekend my husband brought home the movie Marley & Me thinking that since it was romantic, it would naturally lead to romance. Unfortunately, the length of the movie threatened his intended result, and he confessed later that he found himself whispering under his breath, "Die, already dog. Hurry up and die!" But Marley took a while to succumb, and I, who am not particularly a dog person, still found myself tearing up.

Marley & Me , though, isn't really a dog movie. It's more about what it means to be at peace, even with a dog that eats answering machines without chewing. The focus is on columnist John Grogan, who has made all the right choices. He marries a good woman; he lands a good job; he has wonderful children. But despite making these correct choices he's restless. He had a certain vision of himself, and now he's hitting forty and he's not that person. And as he stares at his friends and family at his surprise birthday party, he wonders if he has failed.

Last weekend, right before we watched this movie, my family and friends threw me a "Forever Thirty-Nine" party. They figured doing it next year, when I really will be forty, would be too difficult because I'd be expecting it. So last Sunday my best friend unveiled a scrapbook of my life, people told stories and roasted me, and in general I felt extremely appreciated.

Such events, though, do cause you to examine your choices. And all too often, when we go through this exercise, we look back on our lives and find them wanting. Yet perhaps the reason this examination is so painful is because we use the wrong measuring stick.

In that scrapbook, the 23-year-old version of me in the graduation gown had a certain vision for my life. I was supposed to be the CEO of a hospital, or the director of a think tank foundation. But here I am, homeschooling my kids, putting dinner in the crockpot, folding laundry, writing columns, and raising money for an orphanage in Kenya. Not exactly what I had planned. That doesn't mean, though, that it's wrong.

Many of us feel restless because we haven't achieved our dreams, but I think what we miss is that we are not the same people who dreamed them. I am not fresh out of graduate school with visions of Toronto skyscrapers in my head. I'm a small town mom with a tent trailer.

There's nothing wrong with dreaming, but the dreams should be about looking forward, not looking back. When I hit forty, I won't have achieved many of the things I thought I would. But I've achieved different things. True peace comes not when we tick off everything on our life's to-do list; it comes when we get comfortable in our skin, make choices that reflect our values and who we are, and then live out those choices, in the nitty gritty, day by day. There's nothing wrong with assessing your life and making changes, but make sure those changes reflect who you are now, not who you thought you'd be once.

I am not who I was. And my dreams, though they seemed big then, were really quite small. They didn't involve two blonde teenagers who still like to hold my hand when we walk. They couldn't see the changes trips to Kenya would make in me. They didn't know how a small tombstone tucked in a country cemetery would change my heart. They didn't realize how being married to my best friend could bring a satisfaction so much deeper than any paycheque or title. And so I am different today, but I'm comfortable with it. And as I approach middle age, that's really the best gift I could have.

Be Glad Always

Oh how I used to despise the happy people of the world. You know the ones I'm talking about. They'd have a smile plastered on their face in a hurricane. There's one in every church, school, grocery store, and mall in America; and you can spot them a mile away. Don't let them open their mouths - OMG, I would just cringe to hear them say "what a great day" it was or "how lovely" everything in their life was going. In my mind I would be doing the finger gagging thing while trying to maintain my composure.



Depending on the day and my mood I'd fluctuate between wanting to smack the smile right off their face or vomiting at the unfairness of their apparent joy. I mean really, how can you be happy/glad all the time? Who is glad all the time? What planet are they from? We all have trials and tribulations. We all have life changing events that rock our world, so what makes them any different from us? Why are they always smiling when I want to crawl into a hole and let the world swallow me up? Why do they have joy when all I have is a bowl of lemons staring at me? Why are they laughing their way through life and not crying out at all the injustices around them in the world?



It's only taken me about 25 years to figure out that it had nothing to do with what was actually going on in their lives, but how they chose to let it affect them or not. That it's not the circumstances that affect the mood but the mindset that allows you to react negatively or positively to what is taking place in your life.



I have complete control (woo hoo!) over everything in my life if I learn how to work it. I am in control and for a Type A control freak like me that sounds pretty darn good - or does it?!? Actually, it scares me to death to think that I am in control. That God has allowed me to ponder out in my pea brain how I'm going to handle whatever comes my way. Even if it is as simple as saying - "God, I give it all to you" and to keep on moving forward without looking back, I have that right. I can laugh when I'm hurt, instead of crying; I can have peace in the midst of a storm if I look at it "in the now" and not get caught up in the "what if" game. I can be glad always in my circumstances if I but just believe, have a little faith and trust in His Word.



Again, a simple precept in this life journey that changes something very difficult into something so very simple. But we are a complex people and we thrive on chaos and complexity and snub our noses at simplicity; therefore, too many of us go through life miserable, down trodden and broken at our own choosing. Sigh. And I was one of them.



Now, it is a matter of choice - sometimes easy and sometimes not; but still my choice. Sometimes it happens out of habit or I find myself lamenting about a situation then I stop and say - nope, not going there. It's not worth it (getting in the pit, wallowing around for a few minutes, hours or days and then trying to climb back out filthier than a hog in a mud bath on a hot and humid summer day).



I'm choosing to be glad always, even if it means pasting on the smile in a hurricane and being hated by the masses for finding joy in spite of...





SCRIPTURE

"Be happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always)." I Thessalonians 5:16, AMP


TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria



How determined are you to enjoy each and every day? In today´s verse, notice how long we are supposed to be glad hearted. As long as people treat us right? As long as we feel okay? As long as the economy is up? No, it says, "Be glad hearted continually and always." That means we´re to be glad in the good times and in the tough times, when it´s sunny and when it´s raining. When those dark clouds are over your head and you feel like life is kind of depressing, kind of gloomy, always remember right above those dark clouds the sun is shining. You may not be able to see the sun in your life right now, but that doesn´t mean it’s not up there.

The good news is that those clouds are just temporary. The sun is going to shine in your life once again. In the meantime, keep your joy. Be glad hearted continually! Don´t let a few clouds sour your life. On the other side of every difficulty, the sun is shining! Make the decision to be glad always, and you´ll move forward in the victory He has in store for you!



A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Heavenly Father, today I choose joy. I choose to make the most of every day. No matter what is happening around me, I choose to focus on your goodness so that I can move forward in the
blessing you have for me. In Jesus´ Name. Amen.

I am at a loss

I don't know what to say, how to act or what to do. For the first time in approximately three years I am not stressing out over some crisis or another. I'm not losing sleep, pulling out my hair and feeling dragged down by my circumstances. I don't feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and it's a scary thing.

Now don't get me wrong, there are issues being dealt with and two court dates on the horizon that could cause me to have an anxiety attack or two but at this particular moment I am calm. I have some concerns but I'm not WORRIED, biting my nails, tapping my fingers or twisting my hair. I'm not on the phone talking about it to whoever will listen and I'm not trying to reason it out for myself. I am just living in the moment and enjoying it.

This is a milestone for me. Yes, my brain is churning stuff a mile a minute and I know it, I hear it and if I stop long enough I can get caught up in it but I'm not going to!

Wow, what a blessing. What an accomplishment for me to be able to do this. It's very shocking to realize that my life can be manageable; that I don't have to be running at break neck speed every step of the way. And yet, I am cautious. I'm on alert and aware that it is usually during times like these that the enemy draws near and tries to ensnare us, so I am mindful of that as well but not allowing those thoughts to drown out the calm that is here right now.

Today's Devotional - Thank Me For Your Problems

Oh how my heart sang as I read these words! What reassurance, what freedom, what peace is garnered from this devotional. I long to be able to do just as He asks; no hesitation, no qualms or fears, just childlike obedience and the resulting reward that comes from it.

Alas, I am your typical Type A personality. I want to fix it myself. Do it “my way” even if I have no clue what “my way” is. I borrow from tomorrow, the next day and the next and I try to evaluate it from every “human” perspective only to be thwarted time and again by unknown forces. What a relief to know that if I give it up to Him then it will go away and I can be spared from the self-inflicted pain and agony of trying to fight a battle that is not mine.

In a perfect world, this is the perfect solution but I do not live or function in the perfect world so I must try to incorporate this into my life one painstaking step at a time; trying to change what has been inbred in me (perfectionism, independence, relentless pursuer, Type A personality that I am) and pray for a miracle of change in my mindset.

Thankfully, I bask in the knowledge that with God anything is possible but with man it is impossible. As an intelligent person wouldn’t I certainly choose God? With these odds, one would think so; but then why the hesitation, the lack of focus and commitment to make this a habit for success, for joy and for the peace that flows?


May 11

THANK ME FOR YOUR PROBLEMS. As soon as your mind gets snagged on a difficulty, bring it to Me with thanksgiving. Then ask Me to show you My way to handle the situation. The very act of thanking Me releases your mind from its negative focus. As you turn your attention to Me, the problem fades in significance and loses its power to trip you up. Together we can deal with the situation, either facing it head-on or putting it aside for later consideration.

Most of the situations that entangle your mind are not today’s concern’s; you have borrowed them from tomorrow. In this case, I lift the problem out of today and deposit it in the future, where it is veiled from your eyes. In its place I give you My Peace, which flows freely from My Presence. John 15:5; 2 Corinthians 1:8-9; Ephesians 5:20 – Jesus Calling

Today's Devotional - Set Your Mind

I read a lot of different devotionals every day trying to feast upon the Word as much as I possibly can. It's during this time I get to reflect on my life, my problems and the blessings He's bestowed upon my life.

I learn different ways to handle the trials that come my way and quite often get answers to questions that I've only pondered in my mind.

Occasionally I get gentle nudgings from God to reinforce something that has fallen into my spirit or been shouted to me from the mountain top but I've failed to "hear and obey".

Nevertheless, I count them as blessings as they feed my malnourished soul and when I come across ones that I think will speak to others as strongly as they have spoken to me I share them... be blessed.


TODAY'S SCRIPTURE
“Set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth” (Colossians 3:2, AMP)

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria
Have you ever been laying in bed in the morning and out of nowhere you're reminded of all the mistakes you made yesterday and all the problems you have in your future? That's the enemy trying to set your mind for a negative, defeated, lousy day, but you don't have to fall into that trap.

The Scripture says, “Set your mind and keep it set on the higher things.” This tells us that we have to be proactive. We have to stay on the offensive. When you get up in the morning, have the attitude that David did in the Psalms and say, "This is another day the Lord has made! No matter how I feel, no matter what the economy looks like, no matter what the medical report says, I am choosing to rejoice. I am choosing to be happy this day." You know what you’re really saying? You’re saying, “I’m not going to let other people steal my joy today. I’m not going to let disappointments and setbacks discourage me. I’m not going to focus on my problems and my mistakes. I’m making up my mind to embrace everything the Lord has in store for me.

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Father in heaven, I choose to set my day by setting my mind on things above. I choose to shake off the cares of yesterday and focus on everything You have in store for me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

20 Favorite Things

Lizzie at a Dusty Frame had this up and I thought it was cute so I'm picking it up and running with it myself.

20 Favorite Things

1. Color…black
2. Dessert… sweet potato pie (only made by my Mom)
3. Smell… lavender/vanilla
4. Flower… wild flowers
5. Animal… dogs
6. Month… November
7. Beverage… Coke/Water/Milk (I really love all three)
8. Pair of shoes… New Balance tennis shoes
9. Snack… Lays potato chips
10. Song… Ain't No Mountain High Enough
11. Book… the Bible
12. Fruit…cherries
13. Hairstyle- long enough to put into a ponytail on a bad hair day!
14. Piece of clothing…Gap jeans & a sweatshirt
15. Store to clothes shop…Can't pick just one!
16. Season…Autumn
17. Hobby… reading
18. Thing to collect…lighthouses
19. Movie…When Harry met Sally
20. Restaurant…Bone Fish Grille & PF Chang's

Do You Believe?

It’s a simple enough question that we could all answer with some aspect of certainty on the surface but I’m talking underneath the surface all the way down to the root.

Do you believe? Yes, I believe. Yes, I have faith albeit as small as a mustard seed at times it is there and it is what has kept me going even during the darkest periods of my life.

Do you have hope? Sometimes, I think I do but other times I’m not so sure so, not consistently.

Do you dare to dream and see it in your minds eye as a reality? No. I’m not a dreamer, I don’t give in to the possibilities of what could, should or would be. My imagination shut down a long time ago and the door has rusted shut. I don’t think beyond the end of my nose or outside of my comfort level (what I feel I deserve and can earn/get for myself – not what can be gained through favor or supernatural blessings) and although I have faith and believe in miracles, they happen to other people, not me.

Yet, I would be a fool if I failed to see what has been laid out before me time and time again including tonight and didn’t begin to have a greater measure of faith mixed with the possibility of hope and anticipation shaken together with a level of expectancy for me, my family and our lives.

Out of the mouth of two or three witnesses… Joyce Meyer, the Bishop, the Word of God – I can’t dispute it, there has to be more to it and I need to start tapping into it. My life should have consistency and expectancy – if the slightest thing changes give God the praise. I need to let joy come over me and thank God for the joy instead of trying to outrun it.

My earlier post was published before I went to bible study tonight and was the response to a note from a friend. This post comes after bible study and is prompted by the message tonight entitled “Faith is a Process”.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

“So then, faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Romans 10:17

Focus on what you want so that you can be blessed. So I have to ask myself: “What am I believing God for?” Is it something that will allow Him to get the glory? Once I figure it out I should then know in my spirit that I have the faith to receive it. I need to get excited about what is being created in the spiritual realm: I should keep it before me (picture it, write it down, speak it out, believe and receive it and above all else praise Him throughout the process).

Rise up and believe God for something – focus, focus, focus.

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.” Psalms 1:1-2

Meditate on it, look at it from every angle. Meditate on it and look at it from every angle and believe it for the glory of God!!!

It's time for me to have hope, to dare to dream, meditate on it, let it get down in my spirit, start to believe it for my life and to believe that with God ALL things are possible.