My Inspiration

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Psalm 63:1 (NIV)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I am at a loss

I don't know what to say, how to act or what to do. For the first time in approximately three years I am not stressing out over some crisis or another. I'm not losing sleep, pulling out my hair and feeling dragged down by my circumstances. I don't feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and it's a scary thing.

Now don't get me wrong, there are issues being dealt with and two court dates on the horizon that could cause me to have an anxiety attack or two but at this particular moment I am calm. I have some concerns but I'm not WORRIED, biting my nails, tapping my fingers or twisting my hair. I'm not on the phone talking about it to whoever will listen and I'm not trying to reason it out for myself. I am just living in the moment and enjoying it.

This is a milestone for me. Yes, my brain is churning stuff a mile a minute and I know it, I hear it and if I stop long enough I can get caught up in it but I'm not going to!

Wow, what a blessing. What an accomplishment for me to be able to do this. It's very shocking to realize that my life can be manageable; that I don't have to be running at break neck speed every step of the way. And yet, I am cautious. I'm on alert and aware that it is usually during times like these that the enemy draws near and tries to ensnare us, so I am mindful of that as well but not allowing those thoughts to drown out the calm that is here right now.

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