My Inspiration

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Psalm 63:1 (NIV)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My Better Half, My Soul Mate - Tony

I've had a few requests to spill the beans so I guess it's time to reveal the person behind the mega watt smile on my face, the extra (much needed) weight, the difference in my attitude and the new name.

I never wanted or anticipated another man entering my life. I'd spent the last two years of my life climbing out of a hell pit and was as broken as humpty dumpty. I was busy living my life and trying to put the pieces back together again.

I was taking care of the kids, working, and when I found the time trying to help others who were going through what I had gone through myself all the while believing that God had allowed me to go through this for a reason that would one day be revealed to me and it was. He allowed me to be broken so that he could mold me and build me back up. To be a strong woman/help mate to someone who he had hand picked for me but I had no idea existed.

Before the recession I traveled for work pretty frequently. I had been to this particular venue three times and I had never seen him before until the last visit. But I didn't really see him then, he saw me and as they say, "that was the end of that." We talked, talked and talked some more; and when I left I remember "feeling" (yes, I felt something!!!) let down, sad and curious at the same time. As I drove back to Richmond I couldn't remember what he looked like but I could remember every conversation we had.

Over the course of a few months we talked about everything and anything. I do mean EVERYTHING. I threw it all out there. The good, the bad and yes, the ugly parts of my life. I tried every tactic I knew to scare this guy off, the kids, the ex-husband, the abuse, the anger, frustration, bitterness and hatred that was bottled up in my heart and yet he was still here. I let him meet the kids and see what life was really like and yes, he was still there. After a while I couldn't imagine him not being there, listening, talking to me, calming me down and helping to glue the pieces back together one by one. He was with me in spirit when he wasn't there physically and we burned up the phones and our fingers texting messages day and night.

He's nothing like what I would have imagined for myself. I wouldn't have sought him out and I certainly don't understand the connection other than to say that it is deeper than any I've had besides the one with my dad. First off, he puts God first in his life, which is an absolute must for me. He's younger... thank goodness because he has to have a lot of energy to keep up with the kids and me. He's a thinker, a dreamer and a planner. He takes very good care of me - better care than I take of myself. He puts my needs above his which I can't fathom and forces me to stop, relax and listen to my body and what it needs.

He takes excellent care of the kids and has been a stabilizing factor in their lives. He's made our house a home and us a family once again that is healing together. He has taught the girls to read, write, add and subtract and given them the individual attention they have each needed to succeed in school this year. Both the babies are ready for kindergarten but only one gets to go in the fall. She is well ahead of the curve and could easily go into first grade.

We laugh, play, go places and have fun. We work together as a family to do the chores around the house. We have a plan and our life is filled with purpose again. Everything isn't perfect, we still have our issues but he takes it in stride, standing firmly by my side, giving me the support that I need to overcome whatever obstacle is before me.

He supports me and my crazy work schedule often wearing multiple hats; cook, maid, taxi driver, gardener, auto mechanic, contractor, etc. He's multi-talented, laid back and down to earth. I haven't laughed this much in years and I'm learning to relax and enjoy life like I never have before. He's not perfect but neither am I and he doesn't hold it against me. I get mad, have my moments and take him through the ringer as I continue this healing process and in return he loves me through it all.

He knows my thoughts, my feelings and emotions sometimes better than I do. When I need space, he gives me space and when I say I do but I don't he has a feel for that too. He's seen me cry, wiped my snotty nose and quieted my nightmares and fears in the middle of the night all without complaint. He teases, picks and is determined to make me lighten up in my old age. But most of all I know without a doubt that he loves ME - all of me, inside and out. Warts, wrinkles, gray hair, flat feet and aching bones. It doesn't matter.

We compliment each other. And just as it was ordained in the bible, where I am weak, he is strong and vice versa. We fit together like "peas and carrots". He's my ying and I'm his yang. Together we have become one. And I love this man - bald head, chicken legs, goofy grin and all. He completes me.

Bottom line...I'm happy!!! Incredibly blessed and looking to the future with great joy and anticipation of what God has in store for us.


  1. And your cousin can not wait to meet him. :)
    No one deserves this better than you!

  2. I second that Rosie!!!! You are next!