MIA no more

I have been so busy with life (school, the flu has been through the house 2 times, viruses, sinus infections, back issues, birthdays, visitation, weddings, work, church, class, etc.) but at the same time struggling with what to put out here.

In the past my blogs have been about me, my journey with my kids through domestic violence and pretty much everything in between. Now I'm in a new place and things are different. What used to be important to me then isn't now.

God is doing a marvelous work in me and it is causing me to see things clearer than ever before. He has become the focal point of my life. My days start with Him and I try throughout the day to carry Him with me in everything that I do, say or think. Granted I don't always win that battle but to me the important part is that I try. Nothing beats a failure but a try. So if I fail today I start again tomorrow that same way - praise & worship, scripture reading and prayers.

I get great joy out of reading His Word. The verses leap off the page at me and I have a deeper understanding of scriptures I have read over and over during my life. I thirst for His presence and feel lost and out of sorts if I miss my quiet time, church on Wednesday or Sunday. I don't read the same books, watch the same TV shows or even think the same thoughts. My life isn't all about me anymore, it's more about what I can do with it so that He can get the glory.

This isn't some big "transition" in my life. My entire life has been based on a foundation of God, faith in Him, his Word and Jesus Christ. The difference is in me and how I am now using what has been established/inbred in me. I've clung to Him in my darkest moments and can honestly say that I am alive today because of my faith and obedience to Him and his Word. But my day to day living has been about me, my kids, surviving the chaos of my life and enduring to the end. Somewhere in this journey I forgot about joy, hope, dreams and desires that make life worth living. I forgot about the promises for abundance, prosperity and cups overflowing - not with monetary things but with the fruits of the spirit, with peace that surpasses all understanding, with love unconditional. Things that can only come from a deep and intimate relationship with Him.

I spent a lot of time in my early years "looking for love in all the wrong places" and never finding it. I substituted stuff for love - a trip to the mall filled the void left from never feeling "loved", "good enough" or "pretty enough" but once I got back home and put it all away, the void was still there. When I did get into a relationship I thought the person in the relationship was supposed to fill those gaps but it never happened. Time and time again I got hurt, used, abused and left with voids wider and deeper than before. What I wasn't understanding was that no one could fill those voids - no earthly person that is. But God can and has.

I don't long for my husband to make everything better now, my kids won't always be there to keep the loneliness at bay, and friends, family and jobs come and go. There is only one true constant in our lives and that is the love of God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. No matter where I am, what is going on, what I need, want and desire, how bad I act or how down in the pits of hell I have allowed myself to descend I am NOT alone! He is with me never leaving nor forsaking me and if I but just reach out, call out or whisper His name He is there.

Earlier this year when I began posting again I was sharing some devotionals and the feelings they stirred in me but then I shied away from that. I started thinking that no one would read it if it was too religious. I didn't want to be preachy or perceived as being greater or having more knowledge than anyone else so I stopped. But the desire to still comment and reflect on what I feel when I read His Words posted by others, read in my daily emails from great resources out in the world or that rise up in my spirit is still there struggling to break free.

It might not do anything for you the readers but it does great things for me. It frees my mind, my thoughts and emotions and opens them up to all sorts of possibilities. The words are freeing to me like wings of an eagle. They allow me to soar where I once just glided. It helps me to reason things out in my life and put things into greater perspective. So I pick up my keyboard and I move forward yet again but in a different direction. One that I feel destined to be on. I hope you'll join me on the flight and may something that is written speak to you, your spirit and your life. May His light and love be reflected in these thoughts and prose is my greatest desire.

Warmest blessings,

37 Days of Kindness

Hello there! I know it's been awhile since I've posted but I have been so caught up in life that I haven't made the time to get over here. When I did think about it I got overwhelmed by what to say, what not to say and how to juggle between the two. Lately you see so much about the ills of social networking and blogging that I've been a bit more cautious about what I tell or don't tell the whole world but this message prompted me to get back on board and continue to tell my journey.

There are millions of blogs and you could spend an entire day jumping from one to the other reading about their lives just like the soap operas on TV. I never got caught up in that but I do have a list of about 7 blogs that I visit on a weekly basis.

Lysa Terkeurst from Proverbs 31 Ministry is one of my absolute favorites because she is just so darn open, honest and sincere. If you can't relate to her life in some form or fashion then you're not living in the real world. This woman is "sold out" for Christ like no one I know in that she will shame herself by sharing her dirty laundry to all of us in the bloggy world just so He can get the glory as he continues to mold and shape her into what he desires her to be.

I used to envy her (in a good way - no green-eyed monster lurking over here) and wish I could be just like her (minus the redneck ways!) but several of her posts have made me realize that "No I don't, because I don't want to go through what she has gone through to get what she has." Now if that isn't a lesson for you then I don't know what is!

Anyway, Lysa's post for today just struck a cord with me (more about that in the next post) and so I have jumped on the bandwagon and decided that I too would do the 37 Days of Kindness for Jesus as my gift to Him for his birthday.

I want to challenge you all to do the same but don't let it stop at 37 days, let it become a daily habit to do something kind for someone each and every day. It doesn't have to be a stranger it could be your child, your spouse, or a co-worker. Let His love be expressed through you and the little acts you chose to do each day as you go through this journey called life. If you really want to make it special keep a record of your acts and you will be surprised when you reflect back to see what you have done for Him and how you have been blessed in return.

Let me know how you do! I look forward to the comments.

Warmest blessings!