The Twilight Saga from a mother's perspective

Lysa TerKeurst started this discussion on her blog this morning and I have to pick it up and run with it because it mirrors my own life all too well.

I read the Twilight series and enjoyed it for what it was fantasy; but I am a 45 year old woman who has fought plenty of her own demons before coming to the point that Lysa makes so poignantly in her post. I know who loves me unconditionally. I know to seek Him for all of my needs and the deepest desires of my heart but it hasn't always been that way.

Back in the day as I grew up during the 60's we had fairy tales, in the 70's we had Harlequin Romances, in the 80's and 90's it was Sidney Sheldon and Danielle Steele and then came Lifetime TV. Boy meets girl, sweeps girl off her feet and they live happily ever after was branded on my brain and into my heart. Passion and romance abound and it seemed as if it was around every corner except the ones that I turned.

As a child I struggled with issues of being loved and finding love so I became an easy target reading these things. I was caught hook, line and sinker and spent the better part of my life trying to find that perfect relationship that does not exist in the world.

No one told me that there would be hurts and disappointments, abuse, degradation, abandonment and rape. I had no idea that "love" was not a reciprocated feeling; that it was actually predicated on what the other person could get from you and once you became useless to them or unable to fulfill them easily discarded and replaced with the newest model, hair color or body shape that TV exploited.  I didn't know that it took hard work, prayer and submission to God's will for us and not our own. I thought that if I loved them, they would love me. I thought that surely someone would come along one day, see me and fall head over heels in love with me and everything would be alright. Little did I know just how far from the truth that was, yet I continued to read my romance novels, watch the chick flicks and dream/hope/pray for the day that my knight in shining armor would arrive.

He never did in the worldly sense but the day I surrendered my life to Christ (totally, not riding the fence) all my dreams came true. He has been my lifeline, my truth, my joy and my strength. Through everything that has transpired since I gave him my life he has been there for me. He has never left me nor forsaken me. I wasn't traded in, up or out for someone new and have never felt the sting of his hand on my body, nor flinched at His Words because they have always been delivered in love and tenderness. He has held me in my darkest hours and carried me from the brink of death many times seen and unseen. He is why I get up in the morning and carry on day after day in spite of what the world throws at me at any given time and if I am ever asked I confess that I love him and desire for my life to be a reflection of His goodness and mercy bestowed upon me.

Flash forward to 2009 and this phenomenon. I have a sixteen year old daughter who wanted to read the series and having read it first allowed her to so that she wouldn't be tempted to go behind my back. She hasn't finished the whole series but she's dying to see New Moon although she hasn't seen the first movie. I've said no because I personally don't want to see the movie but also because of all the hype and drama behind it. It has become something bigger than Harry Potter, High School Musical or any other teen drama in the past few years and I don't want her caught up in it.

We have discussed the realities of relationships and how this saga is "way over the top" and pretty unhealthy in it's portrayal of love and I feel that she understands this and feel blessed that she is not caught up in it like so many other girls but at the same time, if she were lost like I was I could see her making some of the same unhealthy and unwise choices in her life that I made in mine.  The difference for her is ME. I am a mother that loves the Lord. I love his Word and stand on it for truth, direction and guidance in raising my children. I take the responsibility He has bestowed upon me very seriously and when I stand before him to give an account on how I raised my children I want him to be pleased with my choices. Not that they were always the right choices because I am in no way perfect but because based on who I am and where I am in my walk with Him they were the best ones I could have made at that time.

My mother didn't talk to me, didn't guide and direct my path and therefore I was allowed to forge ahead into the wilderness without any guidance whatsoever. I promised myself to do better by my children and just like Lysa and all the other women that left comments on her blog know of someone much greater than a mere man that can provide all that my child needs by way of love and relationships, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! It is in Him that I want her to seek, find, embrace and share all the desires of her heart and allow him to lead her to whom He has chosen for her when the time is right.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33 (NKJV)

Sucker Punched

I received an email last night that left me tortured in my sleep and a complete basket case today.

Wounds I thought healed have been ripped open. Forgiveness I extended has been yanked back and buried.

I am a mother bear on the brink. I am speechless and thoughtless. Angry and embittered. My soul is on fire and literally my mind cannot even begin to comprehend how I'm supposed to break the news to my child/children.

My ex-husband and I have four children together. We have sole custody of one and he adopted the other three. So for the 6.5 years of her existence this child has known him as "Daddy" and at some point during this custody/visitation battle he has decided that he doesn't want her to be included in his visitation with the other kids because he's only her legal guardian, not her father. I was informed last night that he wants overnight visits with "3 special young ladies" and the "court appointed guardian" for the children is in agreement with this. WTH!!!

To say that her life has not been easy is an understatement. She has big issues, attachment disorder, is in counseling at our expense because its out of network and we struggle with her on a daily basis as we try to help her become the best she can be in spite of all the setbacks she has had in her life and now I have to hand her one of the most devastating ones of all. Rejection from a parent.

My soul empathizes and sympathizes with her because I have been there and have struggled with that rejection for most of my life. To this day there are times when it still looms larger than life and renders me breathless and that's after years of counseling, resolution to a relationship I can't change and acceptance of what I could get verses what I want much less needed.

This could potentially tear the children apart as there will be resentment at being left behind, jealousy over what activities take place during the visits and taunting which is part of life especially between siblings. It has the potential to create greater aggression and hostility in this child that no amount of love and counseling can abate.

To say that we have been dealt a low blow is an understatement. Again I must say that our justice system at times is a joke. No true thought goes into what is in the best interest of the children only what suits the parents.

In regards to the parents - well, I think there ought to be a special place in hell for the "parents" that use their kids as pawns in relationships; that disregard the responsibility they have been given when they agree to bring a life into this world and then walk out on that life, abuse them or worse reject them at a whim.

God help me because right now there are no words from man that can calm the raging waves threatening to overflow out of me.