Dis-Obedience, Un-forgiveness, Busy-ness

There are several things ruminating in my mind that I have struggled with so I just decided to put them out here just to get them out of there.

Disobedience, unforgiveness and busyness can weaken our relationship with God. I am a personal witness to this. As I've struggled with this off and on my entire life but especially in the past year or so. The busier I become the less time I have to spend with Him or in His Word. That allows disobedience to rear it's ugly head and then unforgiveness jumps on the wagon and I am so weighted down that I'm stuck and that is certainly where the enemy wants me to be. But being stuck doesn't have to last if I but come to Him with a broken heart and a contrite spirit He will forgive me, and in my weakness strengthen me so that I can be used by Him so that He may get the glory as others see the changes in my life.

Disobedience provokes the following in God:

Anger - Psalm 78:10, 40 (NIV) "they did not keep God's covenant and refused to live by his law. " 40 "How often they rebelled against him in the desert and grieved him in the wasteland!"

Forfeits His favor - 1 Samuel 13:14 "But now your kingdom will not endure; the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him leader of his people, because you have not kept the LORD's command." (Saul's fall from grace)

Deprived of His Promised blessings - Jeremiah 18:10 "...and if it does evil in my sight and does not obey me, then I will reconsider the good I had intended to do for it."

Brings a Curse - Deuteronomy 11:27-28 "the blessing if you obey the commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today; the curse if you disobey the commands of the LORD your God and turn from the way that I command you today by following other gods, which you have not known."

The Word gives up strict instruction on forgiveness - Matthew 26:28 This is my blood of the[a] covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

Mark 2:5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."

Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Luke 6:35-38;42 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." ... How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Luke 7:47-48 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."

Busyness was also an issue that the Lord had and He rebuked people because of it.

Luke 10:38-42 “Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and HEARD HIS WORD. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him and said, LORD, doest thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Psalm 39:6 NLT "All our busy rushing ends in nothing."

Ecclesiastes 5:3 NLT "Too much activity gives you restless dreams; too many words make you a fool."

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. "

So, in other words, obedience, forgiveness and time spent daily with Him will strengthen and deepen our relationship with Him. And that is one of His greatest desires, to have an intimate relationship with us.

Sucker Punched

I received an email last night that left me tortured in my sleep and a complete basket case today.

Wounds I thought healed have been ripped open. Forgiveness I extended has been yanked back and buried.

I am a mother bear on the brink. I am speechless and thoughtless. Angry and embittered. My soul is on fire and literally my mind cannot even begin to comprehend how I'm supposed to break the news to my child/children.

My ex-husband and I have four children together. We have sole custody of one and he adopted the other three. So for the 6.5 years of her existence this child has known him as "Daddy" and at some point during this custody/visitation battle he has decided that he doesn't want her to be included in his visitation with the other kids because he's only her legal guardian, not her father. I was informed last night that he wants overnight visits with "3 special young ladies" and the "court appointed guardian" for the children is in agreement with this. WTH!!!

To say that her life has not been easy is an understatement. She has big issues, attachment disorder, is in counseling at our expense because its out of network and we struggle with her on a daily basis as we try to help her become the best she can be in spite of all the setbacks she has had in her life and now I have to hand her one of the most devastating ones of all. Rejection from a parent.

My soul empathizes and sympathizes with her because I have been there and have struggled with that rejection for most of my life. To this day there are times when it still looms larger than life and renders me breathless and that's after years of counseling, resolution to a relationship I can't change and acceptance of what I could get verses what I want much less needed.

This could potentially tear the children apart as there will be resentment at being left behind, jealousy over what activities take place during the visits and taunting which is part of life especially between siblings. It has the potential to create greater aggression and hostility in this child that no amount of love and counseling can abate.

To say that we have been dealt a low blow is an understatement. Again I must say that our justice system at times is a joke. No true thought goes into what is in the best interest of the children only what suits the parents.

In regards to the parents - well, I think there ought to be a special place in hell for the "parents" that use their kids as pawns in relationships; that disregard the responsibility they have been given when they agree to bring a life into this world and then walk out on that life, abuse them or worse reject them at a whim.

God help me because right now there are no words from man that can calm the raging waves threatening to overflow out of me.