And so I said it. Just put it out there like it was nothing but really it was a big deal. There is this fear that you will alienate those that know you because they might realize that they really don’t know you or that hey, what’s she doing in my head.
You see we all have our demons to face. Mine is death or thoughts of dying which is an escape from the hard knocks of life I’ve gone through and someone else’s might be food, anorexia, bulimia, cutting, binging, alcohol or even drugs. There are so many vices that we as people have as coping mechanisms for the things that bring us pain. Shopping to fill the void, eating to comfort the wounded soul, or exercising to release the stress; I’ve tried it all and nothing works for long. Sure it brings a temporary high or fix to the problem but when it wears off the problem is still right there staring you in the face along with the guilt of the instrument of your denial.
But when I look outside of myself for the answer, that is when I find God waiting in the wings ready to swoop in and save me just like the loving Heavenly Father his Word professes Him to be. In the midst of the darkness shines an eternal light and if you look hard enough you will see it. If you call loud enough He does hear you and when you are silent because there are just no words to express what you are feeling but you’re shedding tears, and have thoughts rambling round your brain He. Is. There.
I know because I’ve been there; deaf, dumb and mute but not immune to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Not so far gone that I couldn’t pull back from the edge and say ok Lord, one more day because He poured out his love on me so much so I was full for that moment and my cup runneth over. He doesn’t just do that for me – he does it for everyone that seeks Him. He’s not lost we are. And He’s out there. Waiting for you, waiting for me, ready to give us whatever it is we stand in need of.
Won’t you seek Him?
And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. (Matthew 7:7&8)
I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me. (Proverbs 8:17)