My Passion

My passion is Speaking. Imparting wisdom, knowledge and power to those in the audience as the Holy Spirit directs my path. I love speaking to women; encouraging them, letting them know that there is someone out there that gets what they are going through, that cares and is there for them.

I am a survivor of this world we live in. I have survived sexual assault, domestic violence, self-loathing and hatred and the desire to end it all until I found God. Truly found Him, let him in my life and embraced the love that He so freely gives us all.

I yearn, with all my heart, to take all that I have learned and impart it into others. I want to laugh with them; cry with them; and grow with them as they embark on a deeper, closer relationship with Him. I don't want to be silent any more. I want my voice to go out and be heard so that all that God has imparted in me can be used. It was not designed to stay bottled up inside of me but I've been holding back and holding on to it scared to take the next step. Scared to try for fear of failure but the biggest failure of all would be in not stepping out on my faith and the desire He has placed on my heart.

I know that it is time to let it go; to take the passion that God has planted inside of me and go to the next level. Being able to attend She Speaks! will get me one step closer to the dream.

I have applied for their scholarship and pray that if it is God's will that I will win or that I will find someone who will sow the cost of the conference into my life so I can do what He has called me to do.

What is your passion and what are you doing to fulfill it in your life? Everyone has one. We were designed for a purpose. Have you found yours?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

She Speaks! Conference

She Speaks is a life-changing conference for women of every generation seeking to explore the tug on her heart to reach out to the world for Jesus. Through She Speaks, Proverbs 31 Ministries encourages and equips women who are called by God to share our mission to bring God’s peace, perspective and purpose to today’s busy woman. Sharing God’s truth with love is not only a holy calling but a remarkable responsibility. We believe by equipping women to become more effective at sharing the Word of God, we multiply our efforts to reach a hurting world with the life-transforming hope of Jesus.

Our entire team invites you to be a part of this life-changing conference and look forward to sharing our lives with you. It is our prayer that during this year’s conference, God will validate old dreams and inspire new ones.

I look forward to meeting you at our conference this year!

LeAnn RiceConference DirectorExecutive Director, Proverbs 31 Ministriesmailto:MinistriesLeAnn@Proverbs31.org

Why Not Me?

After training last week I stayed behind and talked with Sam, our facilitator, and we had what I would call a life changing conversation. It started out easy going, casual and natural. We talked about her life, her challenges, work, dreams, etc. and then we started discussing my life and that's when it got real personal and uncomfortable for me really fast.

Her questions were thought provoking, soul stirring and made me want to put my hands over my ears and start saying "lalalalala, I can't hear you." Seriously, I wanted to turn away from them. They weren't mean spirited or meant to hurt. They were made to provoke me into thought and then action, of this I am sure. It would put me outside of my comfort zone; cause me to have to view myself, my life, my thoughts, dreams and desires in a different light. It would mean giving up the safety of my "infanthood - crawling" and step into my "adulthood - walking" with Christ on a whole new level. 1 Corinthians 13:10-12

It would require me to break out of the box, shut down the negative thoughts or no thought mentality and start viewing and thinking of things from a different perspective. I know the scriptures, I know the truth but I've never tried to apply it to me because I never thought of myself as worthy. My hopes, dreams and desires are mostly centered on things for others. That is how I get joy - serving, being behind the scenes and watch and pushing others to excel and reach for their dreams, hopes and desires.

So what could she have asked that caused such a stir you say? I'm glad you asked. She asked me:

1. Why Not Me? Meaning why couldn't great, wonderful, supernatural blessings happen in my life. Why would they?

2. What are the desires of your heart??? Desires, what are desires? I had to look it up to make sure I was understanding what she was asking. Desire - seeking something to make you a better Christian. The longing in your heart that you are willing to commit unto God's will to receive or achieve it. Wow!

3. Why shouldn't you have hopes, dreams and desires bigger than you can imagine? Because I'm not worthy; I think small, dream small and live small because that is all I know.

4. Why shouldn't you expect God to bless you abundantly above and beyond anything you can comprehend or be able to receive? Again my own personal belief of worthiness and because it has never happened to the extent that I could attribute it to God abundantly blessing me. There have been times when things have happened and I thanked Him for the blessing but at the same time it was rationalized out as to how I came about receiving it. I've never had something given to me on a great magnitude that was one of those things that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was a supernatural blessing.

5. Why do you allow yourself to think small and remain limited in your blessings? I've never been taught how to think big. My mind has never been exposed to open, limitless thinking. I am driven by order and organization.

6. Where do you see yourself 5 or 10 years from now? Honestly, I don't know. My by the book answer would be "Wherever He wants me to be." But I don't have any specifics to put to that question.

Then she challenged me to have a heart to heart conversation with God and ask Him the following questions:

1. God, who am I in you?

2. Who are you developing me into?

3. God, show me who I am, reveal to me that person - introduce me to myself!

4. Lord, how do you want me to move forward?

5. Where do you want me to go?

6. What do you want me to do?

As I have been working through this conversation the following scriptures have been given to me. There seems to be the recurring theme of faith and belief.

I have faith and I believe but I don't think I have used the two in tandem. I can believe for others but have rarely believed for myself and my faith too has also been predicated on things for others (my children, extended family, friends, etc.). The majority of my prayers have been petitions and intercessions for others with little thought to self. In some ways this saddens me to think that I have put so little of myself out there.

That conversation led me to the knowledge that I have a great deal of work to do to be able to answer those questions in a way that is satisfactory to myself much less my Heavenly Father. But I desire to do so; therefore, I am putting myself out there to work on changing my thought pattern, to opening myself up to believe some things for myself and have faith that they shall come to pass.

Bishop told us that when we speak the Word, we are speaking life into a situation predicated on our faith. That God's words are spirit and life. John 6:63

I believe that and know it to be true yet have not spoken life in to my own world. Life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21) and it is as though by not speaking I have allowed death, stagnation and nothingness permeate my world.

Amazing what is revealed in a conversation so small and unexpected yet I know that God orchestrated that moment and the revelations that have flowed from that conversation just as He created me in my mother's womb and allowed me to be born at such a time as this. (Psalms 139:13-16)

"Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." Mark 11:24

"Delight yourself also in the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Psalm 37:4-5

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarded of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;" "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6 & 4:19

"...faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God." Romans 10:17

A prompting from the Spirit.

Last week I had training at church for our Helps Ministry organization and it was one of the most spirit filled moments of my week. I met some truly amazing saints and had a wonderful time in His presence as He ministered to us during our meeting. We shared testimonies, tears, joy and had a praise and worship service to rival anything we experience on Wednesday's or Sunday's except it was much more intimate and personal to each of us.

He met us right where we were and filled each of us with what we were in need of; some of us needed comfort, peace, and love. Other's needed assurance of His presence and a Word that touched us to our very core letting us know that He has it all under control and is working it out; and all of us needed his goodness and mercy to carry us through the rest of that evening.

What really amazed me was that He used me to facilitate these results. My heart leaps with joy to think that I could be an instrument in His hands to carry out such an assignment. I had no idea that the promptings that kept my stomach and heart all aflutter would provoke everyone to open up and receive what He had to pour out into us that evening. I marvel at how he uses the "least of these" (me) to do his work.

I arrived a few minutes late and quickly got absorbed in what was being taught. I gained a great deal of wisdom from our teacher's impartation and felt blessed to be among them. As we were closing, the prompting to speak what was on my heart increased until I was sure everyone could hear the thudding in my chest and see the tears welling up in my eyes. I kept my head down at first and just started talking. Out spewed words I had no idea were there and they just continued until I stopped and the next one started and so on and so forth until each one of us had had our turn to open up and release several times over. It was so awesome to witness and be a partaker of all at the same time.

There is much going on in the world today that causes us to feel overwhelmed, deeply saddened and lost; even if we know Christ, because we are human and tend to go with our feelings and not with the Spirit that dwells within.

The Word says that when we release our cares on Him and take up His yoke, our burdens go from our shoulders onto His and our load is lessened. "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30)

I know to some it sounds crazy but for the believers, the witnesses to this miracle, the transfer of our burdens to Christs' is one of the greatest blessings we can experience - letting go and letting God have our cares is freeing. To "cast our cares upon the Lord" allows Him to have his way in our lives and move in ways we can't fathom. "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Yet time and time again as quickly as we release them we scoop them back up and become heavy laden and burdened all over again. It has been a cycle in my life that is starting to shorten in length. Meaning, I'm not holding on to things as long but releasing them quicker and benefiting from the freedom that comes from not being weighed down under the weight of the problems in my life.

But, there is still much work that needs to be done in me. I am very much a work in progress but I am choosing daily to surrender myself unto Him. Opening myself up to follow His promptings and going where He leads me even if it is out of my comfort zone and into the unknown for I trust Him and believe in His Word. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

The ties that bind

Who or what ties you down? Everyone has something or someone in their life that continually holds them back or ties them down thus keeping them from being all they can be or excelling to heights even beyond their greatest dreams and desires. Some people refer to them as "dream killers", "peace stealer's" or "negative influences". Get the picture? This is not a new phenomenon. This goes back to biblical times.

God instructed in Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man should leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This was so that they could establish a family of their own without influence. He later instructed Abram in Genesis 12:1-4 to get out of his country, leave his family and go to another land so that he could bless him. Only Abram took Lot with him and in Genesis 13 it tells us that as time went on there became dissension among Lot and Abram's tribes and God had to separate them. Lot took what he thought to be the better land and Abram took the lesser but his land was blessed by God and he prospered greatly but not before leaving behind the contention, the family, and the dream killers.

I am feeling a lot like Abram, I have finally heard the voice of wisdom and am leaving behind the dream killers, the "haters", the nay sayers and the opinionated ones who can tell everyone what they need to be doing while their own lives are all jacked up this way and that. So this is a shout out to them all to say good-bye, farewell and good riddance, in some instances.

If you call my number and I don't answer after repeated attempts then the right answer would be no, I'm probably not that busy, I just don't want to talk to you anymore. If you send me repeated emails and I don't reply, again, I'm probably not that busy but I don't want to talk to you anymore and if you are bold enough to show up to my house uninvited I will probably be bold enough to say to you, "I wish you well, the best that God has for you but you are not what or who I need in my life at this time" or in modern slang "It's been real but you gotta go!"

The sad thing is that these people know who they are. They have been doing this their whole life and nothing has changed. They have always thought they could say or do whatever they want and haven't had too many people put up a stop sign and say enough is enough so they continue to do it. But for me after years of hearing them tell me what, when, how and with whom I should do be doing it, or how to raise my kids when you didn't raise your own, haven't had any of your own and never will because it didn't fit your lifestyle but you are still struggling in your own world don't you think you need to focus on your home, your own stuff, YOURSELF instead of regurgitating your life experiences both good and bad on others and trying to keep us as miserable as you obviously are?

Let me put it to you another way. If you start a conversation, voicemail or email with the words "I don't mean..." then don't start, don't leave a message, don't send the email and don't look me in the face and continue to talk. Those words should be your cue to examine yourself, your motives and ask yourself if what you are saying has any merit. Are you speaking out of love? Genuine concern for me and mine? Or is it jealousy, maliciousness or busybodiness? Is it true? Is it backed by scripture and tried and true worldly experience (and NO you are not worldly)?

If it is about my household and you don't know what I make, what my plans and goals are don't tell me what I should be doing or how I should be doing it. If it is about my kids, if you don't know EVERYTHING there is to know about the situation, the counseling sessions, physical, emotional and psychological details of the people involved and the context in which you are offering your opinion - DON'T.

If it's about my husband, marriage or job. Step very lightly. First examine your own spouse - if you are NOT married LEAVE IT ALONE; your own marriage - if you are divorced - DON'T go there and your own affairs at work - if you don't have a job, are retired or have never held my position - silence is golden. If you feel you can then come to me and pass judgement, advice or make a comment I suggest you pray about it first, find me a scripture reference that puts it in the right light and bring it on. Otherwise keep on keeping on.

And God forbid it be about your son, daughter, sister, brother, best friend's girlfriend, keep it to yourself because I don't want or need that gossip crossing my ear gates and messing up my flow with God.

Now with all that said please know that I will hold myself to the same standards so if I don't talk to you about your life, your kids, your husband, job or pet without your direct request to do so, it's not that I don't care but I probably don't have much to offer you by way of general conversation so it's best to say nothing at all.

Do know that I love you and am keeping you and yours lifted up in prayer but I'm in the process of cleaning my temple, my house, my heart and mind and in order to successfully do this I have to have a clean heart, a sound mind and let all the minutia go.

I will not be held down, beaten down or stripped of what is mine by the careless tongue of another. What God has for me is mine and I will not let the enemy come in and destroy me or mine any longer. I'm taking no prisoners and I'm not giving another inch while losing a mile in the process. So my wish for you is to walk in love and go in peace and I will do the same.

Dreaming New Dreams

Right now there is a recurring theme in my life - I am "chewing/contemplating/reviewing" and trying to sort out where I've been from where I'm going. I feel that this is the opportune time for me as I start my newly married life with my husband. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to start over; to be given another chance at love w/another person (as we all have the love of God) which is something we all desire but not all of us find in this lifetime.

I haven't had a life of dreams. To me it's all been about survival. Surviving my childhood. I couldn't wait to leave home and get away from all the demons that haunted me there. Then it was getting through my 20's and trying to find myself. When I hit 30 things skidded to a halt with the untimely illness of my dad and his death. At 35 I was having another baby and moving back home to Richmond from Virginia Beach and again it was about surviving with 3 kids, a full-time job, school and my first marriage. Fast forward 10 years, 10 kids, 2 jobs, 2 years of staying at home with my babies, the breakup of my abusive marriage and here I stand:

Happy, thriving and DREAMING of a future filled with so many possibilities it boggles my mind.

Not the dreams of kids - $$$, big houses, fancy cars, vacations around the world but dreams of many great moments like this past weekend with friends and family - making memories that last a lifetime.

Dreams of my kids, grand kids, and time with my husband. Dreams of seeing them in college, getting married and asking for our advice. Dreams of many more mornings of seeing the sunrise, feeling it caress my skin and warm the earth. Dreams of reaching out and serving in the community and giving back to everyone that assisted me when I needed it most.

Just the idea of dreaming is a blessing in itself because it's not something I ever let myself do. I refused to have those hopes and desires only to see them dashed but now, well if they don't all happen that's OK. I'm going to enjoy the journey that gets me there. One day at a time, one dream at a time and no pressure to attain them but permission to enjoy it to the hilt when/if I do!

One of my favorite weekly columnists from Canada, Sheila Way Gregoire, had a column about dreams that I have been thinking about since I read it. I totally agree with her thoughts about changing what you dream about as your life changes. Look at me - not only am I changing my thoughts but making them better, more fulfilling and less intangible.

How about you? What dreams have you had looming over your head for years that weigh heavy on you because you haven't fulfilled them? Isn't it time to let them go or rethink them so that they will bring you joy, hope and inspiration not heartache?

Dreaming New Dreams
May 22, 2009

Last weekend my husband brought home the movie Marley & Me thinking that since it was romantic, it would naturally lead to romance. Unfortunately, the length of the movie threatened his intended result, and he confessed later that he found himself whispering under his breath, "Die, already dog. Hurry up and die!" But Marley took a while to succumb, and I, who am not particularly a dog person, still found myself tearing up.

Marley & Me , though, isn't really a dog movie. It's more about what it means to be at peace, even with a dog that eats answering machines without chewing. The focus is on columnist John Grogan, who has made all the right choices. He marries a good woman; he lands a good job; he has wonderful children. But despite making these correct choices he's restless. He had a certain vision of himself, and now he's hitting forty and he's not that person. And as he stares at his friends and family at his surprise birthday party, he wonders if he has failed.

Last weekend, right before we watched this movie, my family and friends threw me a "Forever Thirty-Nine" party. They figured doing it next year, when I really will be forty, would be too difficult because I'd be expecting it. So last Sunday my best friend unveiled a scrapbook of my life, people told stories and roasted me, and in general I felt extremely appreciated.

Such events, though, do cause you to examine your choices. And all too often, when we go through this exercise, we look back on our lives and find them wanting. Yet perhaps the reason this examination is so painful is because we use the wrong measuring stick.

In that scrapbook, the 23-year-old version of me in the graduation gown had a certain vision for my life. I was supposed to be the CEO of a hospital, or the director of a think tank foundation. But here I am, homeschooling my kids, putting dinner in the crockpot, folding laundry, writing columns, and raising money for an orphanage in Kenya. Not exactly what I had planned. That doesn't mean, though, that it's wrong.

Many of us feel restless because we haven't achieved our dreams, but I think what we miss is that we are not the same people who dreamed them. I am not fresh out of graduate school with visions of Toronto skyscrapers in my head. I'm a small town mom with a tent trailer.

There's nothing wrong with dreaming, but the dreams should be about looking forward, not looking back. When I hit forty, I won't have achieved many of the things I thought I would. But I've achieved different things. True peace comes not when we tick off everything on our life's to-do list; it comes when we get comfortable in our skin, make choices that reflect our values and who we are, and then live out those choices, in the nitty gritty, day by day. There's nothing wrong with assessing your life and making changes, but make sure those changes reflect who you are now, not who you thought you'd be once.

I am not who I was. And my dreams, though they seemed big then, were really quite small. They didn't involve two blonde teenagers who still like to hold my hand when we walk. They couldn't see the changes trips to Kenya would make in me. They didn't know how a small tombstone tucked in a country cemetery would change my heart. They didn't realize how being married to my best friend could bring a satisfaction so much deeper than any paycheque or title. And so I am different today, but I'm comfortable with it. And as I approach middle age, that's really the best gift I could have.

Do You Believe?

It’s a simple enough question that we could all answer with some aspect of certainty on the surface but I’m talking underneath the surface all the way down to the root.

Do you believe? Yes, I believe. Yes, I have faith albeit as small as a mustard seed at times it is there and it is what has kept me going even during the darkest periods of my life.

Do you have hope? Sometimes, I think I do but other times I’m not so sure so, not consistently.

Do you dare to dream and see it in your minds eye as a reality? No. I’m not a dreamer, I don’t give in to the possibilities of what could, should or would be. My imagination shut down a long time ago and the door has rusted shut. I don’t think beyond the end of my nose or outside of my comfort level (what I feel I deserve and can earn/get for myself – not what can be gained through favor or supernatural blessings) and although I have faith and believe in miracles, they happen to other people, not me.

Yet, I would be a fool if I failed to see what has been laid out before me time and time again including tonight and didn’t begin to have a greater measure of faith mixed with the possibility of hope and anticipation shaken together with a level of expectancy for me, my family and our lives.

Out of the mouth of two or three witnesses… Joyce Meyer, the Bishop, the Word of God – I can’t dispute it, there has to be more to it and I need to start tapping into it. My life should have consistency and expectancy – if the slightest thing changes give God the praise. I need to let joy come over me and thank God for the joy instead of trying to outrun it.

My earlier post was published before I went to bible study tonight and was the response to a note from a friend. This post comes after bible study and is prompted by the message tonight entitled “Faith is a Process”.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

“So then, faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Romans 10:17

Focus on what you want so that you can be blessed. So I have to ask myself: “What am I believing God for?” Is it something that will allow Him to get the glory? Once I figure it out I should then know in my spirit that I have the faith to receive it. I need to get excited about what is being created in the spiritual realm: I should keep it before me (picture it, write it down, speak it out, believe and receive it and above all else praise Him throughout the process).

Rise up and believe God for something – focus, focus, focus.

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.” Psalms 1:1-2

Meditate on it, look at it from every angle. Meditate on it and look at it from every angle and believe it for the glory of God!!!

It's time for me to have hope, to dare to dream, meditate on it, let it get down in my spirit, start to believe it for my life and to believe that with God ALL things are possible.