It's a wrap

2010 is coming to a close and as I review the year I can honestly say it has been a bittersweet year. I lost a few people this year that caused me to stop in my tracks and take a time out to handle the weight of it all. I gained some people that have been a true blessing to my life and I've shed a few toxic people that were constantly dragging me down no matter what I did.

Overall it was a year filled with many life lessons, blessings, and promises of better things to come. I had a sabbatical that allowed me to work through some issues, reconcile myself to certain things that will always be my "thorn" as Paul so eloquently called his trial and purge my past from having control of my present and my future. My counseling is continuing to progress. I am doing well and things at home are going ok. My emotions aren’t running high and low like before. They are now on a even keel fluctuating ever so slightly depending on the events of the day but not out of control. I’ve pretty much stayed at a level place but am still struggling to find time in my busyness to write and release.

This was the first holiday season in several years that I haven’t stressed obsessively over money, the kids, and my family. I just accepted my limitations to do what I wanted for everyone and did what I could. In the end this turned into one of the best holidays we had because of it. It felt good to not have this great expectation hanging over my head but to look at things realistically and acknowledge that certain things weren’t going to happen. We enjoyed each other’s company, celebrating the birth of Christ and focusing in on giving not receiving. The kids were great and have enjoyed their time off from school but they are ready to go back now. I’m excited for the New Year and all the possibilities it holds. No resolutions this year but goals and dreams that are realistic and achievable. I didn’t go overboard and I’m not striving for perfection just forward progress.

I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!

Let the count down begin

In 3 weeks my kids will be back in school! In 21 days they will be back in school. That is 504 hours or 30,240 minutes and if you really want to get technical in 1,814,400 seconds I will put the last child on the bus for school. Whew! Can ya'll see me doing the happy dance while tears are streaming down my face?! All of my kids will be in school. No more babies at home. Freedom!!! It's been a long time coming but it's just around the corner and I can hardly contain my excitement.

Now before you all burst into applause or start hating me because my home is finally empty during the day let's put this in perspective. There is a downside to all of this but I had to put the upside out there first.

I will have 4 kids in one school. You do the math when it comes to the first few days of paperwork times 4. And can I tell you what a nightmare that will be for back to school night, parent teacher conferences and a whole assortment of school activities? They will be in kindergarten, 1, 2 and 5th grade and each one is a milestone in itself so you can't discount one or the other. The really funny thing is that I have had a kid in this elementary school for 14 years. I've seen the staff come and go with the exception of the administrative assistant who has been there since the school was built and outlasted 4 different principals. I know the routine better than they do and we've become fixtures there. They know us and usually by the end of the school year they know our kids.

So over the next 3 weeks I will be packing backpacks, sorting through clothes, getting them back on their school schedule for getting up and going to bed and revving up the review of school work from last year so that they can hit the ground running and I can walk out the door smiling.

I thrive in a world of organization and order and I don't have to tell you that the summertime is anything but that. So yes, I'm happy that the time is winding down and life will soon get back to "normal" for us but I am saddened because my baby is heading off to school and thus closes another chapter in the book but also optimistic about this new phase our life is about to take because I know He has more good things in store for us as we continue to walk out this journey.

Rush Hour

I live in Richmond, Virginia and the term “rush hour” traffic is not relevant to us like in other metropolitan areas such as DC, Atlanta and LA. If we get a ¼ mile back up we start to whine and cry. Traffic high points for us are from 7:00A to 8:30A and from 4:30P to 6:00P. Our two major corridors are I-95 and I-64 but 288 and 295 are quickly catching up. Hull Street, Midlothian Turnpike and West Broad Street are the major roads creating headaches of major proportions from the city to the suburbs. It takes ½ hour to move 5 miles down Hull Street during the “rush hour”. I call it the geriatric highway because you will inevitably get behind someone going slow when you are in a hurry. This happens on a daily basis.

I don’t take the highways or the toll roads to work to avoid traffic and accidents but it can take one geriatric driver to put my day into a tailspin. I know that God has a sense of humor and He flexes it in my life quite often in this arena. I can have the patience of Job one day but on others, blink and I’ll cut you off at the knees. So, given how late I try to sleep in and how quickly I can get out of the house I might get waylaid by the world of geriatric drivers and get to work feeling less than chipper and cheery and then its look out world. Seriously, I’m kidding. I wouldn’t take my traffic woes out on my colleagues but it does make for interesting conversations in my head all the while I’m smiling and inside I’m still seething about the fool that made me late or slowed down morning groove.

What really ticks me off is that I’m a good driver. A defensive driver and I go out of my way to stay away from the crazies but unfortunately I am outnumbered. They are talking on the phone, texting, eating or yes, ladies, putting on make-up. Now I am guilty of doing all of the above but not while driving, except the talking piece and I limit that or use the hands-free when possible. I put on my make-up when I am stopped at a light; texting is the same only when I am sitting still. Eating is limited when I’m driving so I don’t mess up my clothes but at the same time I can honestly say I am cognizant of what is going on around me. All around me; not just what is up ahead but beside and behind me as well. I’m not trying to get rear-ended by the fool too busy looking down to realize that I am sitting still at the light.

I drive in the right lane unless I need to pass someone and then of course I navigate my way to the passing lane and keep going. Once clear, I head back to the right. This is not the case with most drivers. They get in the lane and hog or should I say clog it up making it virtually impossible to maneuver around the geriatric drivers out there. It just doesn’t seem right to have cars in both lanes driving side by side with clear lanes in front of them and 2 miles of back up behind them because they are both meandering along oblivious to the fact that we are trying to get somewhere today, not next week. Now if road conditions or weather are a factor I totally understand but it could be a nice spring day and this happens.

And when it does I become like David Banner and turn into the Incredible Hulk. I huff, I puff, I scream, rant and rave (sometimes out loud, other times to myself) about the situation and then I hear it. This chuckling going on in my head because I know how irrational I am being and how much God must be getting a real kick out of slowing me down even if its just for a few short minutes because I won’t take the time myself and do it. It is during these moments when I am stuck behind someone that I actually pay attention to my surroundings and notice what changes are taking place in the neighborhoods I drive through on a daily basis and never seem to notice. Like the stores that have opened, closed, been repainted or repaired; the trees blooming, the blue sky and the feel of the sun and wind on my skin through the open sunroof. It is during these times that I speak to Him and say, “Hey you, I know what you’re doing and it’s working. Thanks for the reminder to slow down and check out the sights before they pass me by. Thanks for saving me from the truck that plowed through the red light at the intersection just ahead of me that could have been me if I hadn’t gotten caught behind a slow poke. I get it. Really I do, even if I’m not always appreciative at the time.”

And that makes my day a little better for that gift, that blessing until I jump in the car heading to my next destination and find myself caught behind…you guessed it, another slow poke.

Comparison is the thief of joy

Comparison is the thief of joy, comparison is the thief of joy, comparison is the thief of joy. Come on, say it with me. Comparison is the thief of joy. Now ponder those six words. Let them resonate in your soul. What an epiphany. Really, it is. We don’t stop and wonder why we feel bad about our life and what is going on, only that we feel that way and wish that we didn’t. But what triggered the thought? What brought you to the place that made you feel like you were missing something?

When I read Tracey’s post it clicked, almost audibly, that I was a victim of comparison. As long as I went about my life living it to its fullest, I was fine but when I started comparing my circumstances to the people around me I noticed a change. I was unhappy, bitter, angry and even resentful sometime of what others had that I didn’t. It didn’t matter that I didn’t need it or even want it. The issue was that they had and I did not. It made me feel inferior and out of my league when in reality I’m right where I need to be. I mean seriously, how could I not be? How many people can say that they are doing what they enjoy doing and get paid a pretty decent salary to boot. I’m living my dream and although it isn’t what other people had for me it’s what I wanted. Maybe not 100% how I imagined it would be, but pretty dead on. Are there things I would change? Absolutely but not at the expense of losing what I have, who I am or walking outside of what God has for me vs. what I “think” I should have because someone else has it.

I’d love a bigger house with a bigger bedroom and a bathtub/shower combo in my bathroom, a mini cooper, new furniture, a tank full of heating oil, a pantry overflowing and money to spare but what would I have to sacrifice in order to have it? Working two jobs, 60+ hours a week, less time with my husband and kids, less time to volunteer at church or at the Y? No thanks. I’ll survive. We always have and in the end that’s what matters. I imagine that one day there will be a time when some of those things will come about a lot easier than they do now and I will cherish that time but in the meantime I won’t keep wishing for, snipping about and salivating over the new stuff that Mr. & Mrs. Jones got because I’m not sure I want to have to go through what they went through to get what they have. Besides, who’s to say that they are any happier than I am because they have all of that stuff?

In the long run, if I lost everything that I have but still had my husband and kids to love that’s all I’d need. We’d pick up the pieces and start all over again.

So I’m going to make a concerted effort to not let myself get caught up in the comparison game. I don’t want to lose the joy I do have about my life for the stuff that I don’t have.

How about you? Is your joy being stolen like a thief?

The Happiness Project - Boost Energy Pt. 2

So how did I do with my goals? Not as bad as I thought.

#1 - Of course, I bombed on getting to bed early every night but I did fall asleep before 11:00 several nights throughout the month including 2 this past week and felt much more rested the following day. I can’t say that if I kept this up on a regular basis it would make much difference because I just don’t envision that in my life but I will be more mindful of my body’s needs and when I find myself getting sleepy or nodding off I will be obedient and allow myself the luxury of giving in to that moment if there is nothing earth shattering that requires my attention.

#2 – Not only did I sign up, get weighed, measured (in front of my coworkers) and sign away my rights for the use of the gym but I also brought in my workout clothes! They are in a bag under my desk just waiting for me to drag them out, put them on and hit the treadmill or elliptical. We also had a fire drill which prompted me to have to walk down 8 flights of stairs in heels no less. I was not winded which was a good sign to me. I’ve been physically fit for most of my life even anorexic at one time I had lost so much weight due to stress and IBS but I continued working out because it has always brought me a sense of satisfaction and self pride. The past two years I let my gym membership lapse due to financial constraints and found it much harder to motivate myself without the pull of the gym. Not to mention, that my husband is a fantastic cook who is more concerned with pleasing my appetites vs. the type of foods I should be eating. I don’t think it helps that I was eating at 8:00 and 9:00P and then heading off to bed. I’m looking to drop 20lbs and/or lose about 6 inches in my waist and 2 or 3 off my thighs.

I paid the non-refundable registration fee for the marathon and signed my husband up for it as well so that I have a little competition going. So, I think it’s safe to say that progress has been made. I’ll update you on the status of this at the end of February with an update on the weight, inches, etc. and let you know how it relates to my happiness quotient.

#3 & #4 – Besides restoring and organizing my new work space, I did get off to a pretty good job of purging my home office. I had 6 bags of shredding and am no longer in possession of my bank statements from 1999 through 2008. I shredded leases, letters, cards, notes, and billing statements. I tossed magazines (all of my Oprah magazines for the past 6 years…) and pictures from the kids (shhhh). There is just no way you can keep ALL the artwork from 10 kids and have an uncluttered home so I purged through and kept a little bit of everything that pricked my heart when I came across it. I’ve laminated them to keep them fresh and everyone has a folder/crate with artwork of various sizes and shapes. I took supplies to work from my space there and hence I am ready to really get it organized. I’ve decided to put the space heater out there for a couple of hours each night I choose to spend time out there and work until it is a done deal. My goal is to have this complete by February 26. I’m thinking of taking a before and after photo just so you can see the magnitude of the job.

#5 – I’m hoping that if I can accomplish #2, #3 and #4 that I won’t have to ACT more energetic but I will BE more energetic.

Stay tuned as I continue this trek and see where I end up!

February’s focus is on love and relationships. I wonder where that will lead…

The Happiness Project - Boost Energy, part I

The month of January is devoted to consciously working on boosting vitality and energy, because as Rubin writes, "research shows being happy energizes you, and at the same time, having more energy makes it easier for you to engage in activities - like socializing and exercise - that boost happiness. Studies also show that when you feel energetic, your self-esteem rises" (18).

For her project, Rubin decided to work on the following 5 steps to boost her energy:

1. Go to sleep earlier


2. Exercise better


3. Toss, restore, organize


4. Tackle a nagging task


5. Act more energetic

What concrete steps can I take to try to get more energy?

LOL, more energy? Most people accuse me of being the “Energizer Bunny” so I’m laughing at the idea of more energy although lately I don’t feel that is the case. My energy level is fine but how I channel my energy is the problem. Right now I’m basically flying by the seat of my pants with no set path. I’m in a new job literally feeling my way through each day much like a blind person who walks into an unfamiliar room. I am loving it but I’m not flowing in a set pattern or with what I feel is order and organization. If you didn’t realize by the title of my blog, I thrive on organization even if it’s just in my own mind and 99% of the time that’s how it is. So the feeling of being out of sorts adds stress which is said to drain you of energy which I guess can lead to a diminished feeling of happiness. And I said all of that why? I guess because I’m in denial of needing more energy or redirecting myself so that my energy flows better.

Will you work on one of Rubin’s 5 steps, or create new ones of your own?

I decided why bother to recreate the wheel and take up Linda’s steps and I’m happy to report that this week I have failed at them all but #5. If I can’t do anything else, I can fake the funk, I mean the energetic feeling.

#1 - This is not a week to try to go to sleep earlier as I have meetings planned for every evening this week and if I can hit the pillow before 11:00 on any given night I’ll be doing good.

#2 - I did sign up for gym privileges at work if that counts for #2 but I can’t start using the gym until next week. I also signed up for our annual 10k marathon in the city on March 27 so I definitely have a hard goal set to prepare for. I can do a 5k in 45 minutes but haven’t tried a 10k so it is my desire to complete it in 2 hours or less for my first time out. I have a harder goal out there for myself but I refuse to let anyone else know just how sadistic I can be when it comes to pushing myself.

#3 – Toss, restore, organize – I am “Queen B” at doing that; especially at work. At my new job I have tossed, tossed and tossed to the point that I fear that if I don’t stop I might find myself with empty file drawers. I’ve restored my area to look like I’ve been there for two years instead of 2 weeks and my files are so organized that even my bosses could find what they needed if they were so inclined. I have a bit more work to do when it comes to my personal space though. I have a deep seeded need to torture myself with things of the past and so I have a hard time of letting go of things even if its for my own good.

#4 – Tackle a nagging task – Right now the most nagging task is to organize my home/home office. My husband has been taking care of the home piece so I’ve kinda relinquished that nag off to his “honey do” list. See the latter part of #3 and then keep reading. In order to effectively accomplish this task I need time, I need heat (right now it’s stays about 10 degrees warmer than the outside temperature because it is all glass) and I need peace, quiet and undisturbed time. Living with 7 other people makes this virtually impossible. And did I mention it was glass, which makes me a target for everyone who passes by to stop, knock and interrupt my groove. Oh yeah, there needs to be a desire to eliminate the nag as well, and right now I just don’t have it. I’d rather, read, watch TV, take a nap, or help the kids with homework. I am a deadline driven fool and I’ve yet to give myself a deadline so although it nags me that it isn’t done, I’m not motivated by my perfectionistic desire to accomplish the task because there isn’t an end date. You think maybe I should set one…

#5 – Act more energetic – I’ve smiled, cheered, worked, laughed, ran, fought and bounced my way through life. I couldn’t act any more energized if I tried. It’s a part I was born to play. My ADD/ADHD, competitive, people pleasing, perfectionistic tendencies only seem to increase this 10 fold as I am not going to be outdone or come up short. Some days I feel like I’m going to go down in flames in an effort to do it all but alas I succeed and start all over again smile in tack, princess wave down pat and all my little ducks in a row.

OK, assessment done and I’m left feeling deflated. OMGosh, where is the happiness in this?

The Happiness Project - Why I am doing it

According to Webster's Dictionary happiness is described as "a state of well-being and contentment; a pleasurable satisfaction."

Society measures happiness in a myriad of ways: money, kids, marriages, houses, cars, phones, etc. The key being it is a measured thing.

I've always thought of happiness as a feeling of peace and contentment with where I am and what is happening in my life. I envisioned it as a perpetual state of being. In reality, for me, it has been measured by different incidences that have taken place in my life from the birth of my children, to finding God, to getting jobs, and most recently to my husband finding me.

Why are you doing this project? I know that I am blessed. I know that things in my life are better than they have ever been in some ways. And, if I had to choose an emotion to describe where I am in my life right now, I would say that I am happy. But deep down a part of me feels that there is something missing. I know that my happiness has been a fleeting thing and I want to find out how to make it permanent. That is hard though with all the obstacles that one faces on a daily, weekly or monthly basis.

What is your history in trying to be more happy? I grew up equating happiness and love synonymously and have spent my entire life looking for love/happiness. I've gone to counseling, and read tons of self-help books. I've done journaling, blogging, praying, talking, eating, drinking, and drugs (prescription) in my quest for happiness. The things that worked best for me have been counseling, journaling, blogging, my husband and most especially, my walk with God. I've found that I am the happiest when I am doing things for others versus stuff for myself. I truly enjoy serving and being a part of something much bigger than myself which is why I volunteer. In some ways it might be considered running from my life so I don't have to think about whether or not I'm happy but for me it's a way of tangibly feeling something without trying to.

What does happiness look like for you? I don't know. That is what I'm hoping to discover on this journey. This intersects with other things I have been working on like discovering who I am, what my purpose is here and where my sweet spot is. I envision that it has a lot of looks for me but instead of being fleeting it will be perpetual.

The Happiness Project

More Than a Minivan Mom and I go back over ten years; long before she was "famous" in the blog world. I love her dearly not just what she writes but how honest she is to herself, her friends and family. She puts it all out there - thoughts, feelings, rants, commentary - some good and some bad, politically correct or not. I envy how she says what she means and means what she says. I certainly don't agree with what she says all the time but I love to read what is on her mind. I respect her opinions and always give pause to consider things from her side before discounting it with my own.

I am her sideline cheerleader and stand amazed at all she has accomplished and is still doing. She is one of the few great teachers who still care about the kids and getting the most out of them. I wish she were here teaching and not Dallas because I know my kids would learn a lot from her. So, suffice it to say that when she announced that she was doing the Happiness Project and I decided to have a wack at it as well. I'm hoping I'll find out more things to appreciate about my life than I already do.

10 things I like about where I live...

10. Location, location, location - I have it made living in Richmond. I am two hours from the mountains, two hours from the ocean and two hours from DC. We are the halfway point between New England and Florida and with that we get to have all four seasons.

9. History - Virginia is packed with history. As is typical of people who live in such places, I don't appreciate the heritage and history as much as I should. I haven't visited all the battlegrounds or historical wonders but it is a bit thrilling living in the Capital of the Confederate.

8. Food - We have some great restaurants in Richmond and the surrounding area. I grew up on the southern cuisine and enjoy it every chance I get although I prefer to cook it myself. A few of my favorite restaurants are Croaker Spot, Poe's Pub, The Tobacco Company, The Jefferson Hotel, and The Halfway House.

7. Schools - We live where we do for the school system. It is one of the best in the state. Although I'm not happy with how most educational systems have gone to a system of standardized testing/teaching our kids do still have options for their education. Virginia is also home to some great schools of higher education. Virginia Tech, JMU, William & Mary, VCU, UVA, VUU, VSU, etc.

6. Quality of life - We are not the metropolis of Dallas, don't have the NY thing going on and thankfully not as congested as Atlanta. Here in Richmond we have a pace that suits us. We enjoy a slow, easy summer and a fall full of tradition - football, tailgating, turning of the leaves, bonfires and apple cider. I live in the suburbs and work in the city. My mom lives on a farm and the kids get to run and have fun although not as often or quite the same way as I did but they get a taste of it.

5. Shopping - Outlets, outlets, outlets and now we have Saks, Nordstrom, etc. If I loved shopping, which I don't, unless I have the money, I'd have plenty to choose from no matter what direction I headed in. Unfortunately for my friends and family shopping for me consists largely of Walmart. My home away from home! Gap, Old Navy and JC Penney have become regulars in my wardrobe as well.

4. Opportunity - We are up and coming. Several major companies have relocated their headquarters here although others have departed but I think that we have a bright future and more opportunity to come.

3. Sports & Recreation - We have hockey (maybe), baseball is back (yahoo!), football - arena & the Redskins (boo), basketball (college), soccer and Nascar racing!!! - love that sound of the engines starting and the feeling of sitting in the stands and being a part of the action. Not to mention horse racing, theme parks (Kings Dominion, Busch Gardens), skiing, horseback riding, parks, etc.

2. Culture - There is much culture in Virginia if you can get past the confederate flag, which I have no ill will towards. We have the people of the eastern shore, the farmers, the mountaineers and the gentile southerners who love every one as long as they mind their manners. We have Monument Avenue with our confederate icons but Arthur Ashe crashed that party a few years ago, Shockoe Bottom, Oregon Hill, Jackson Ward and Charlottesville (home of Thomas Jefferson's Monticello).

1. Family & friends - this is home. I was born in New York but my formative years were spent here. The majority of my family lives here and although I've left, the longing for home drew me back. I couldn't imagine not being close enough to them that I couldn't make it in a couple of hours but far enough away that they aren't crowding my life. There isn't anywhere that one can go in this state where you won't run into an old friend of a friend if you were born and/or raised here.

Be Glad Always

Oh how I used to despise the happy people of the world. You know the ones I'm talking about. They'd have a smile plastered on their face in a hurricane. There's one in every church, school, grocery store, and mall in America; and you can spot them a mile away. Don't let them open their mouths - OMG, I would just cringe to hear them say "what a great day" it was or "how lovely" everything in their life was going. In my mind I would be doing the finger gagging thing while trying to maintain my composure.



Depending on the day and my mood I'd fluctuate between wanting to smack the smile right off their face or vomiting at the unfairness of their apparent joy. I mean really, how can you be happy/glad all the time? Who is glad all the time? What planet are they from? We all have trials and tribulations. We all have life changing events that rock our world, so what makes them any different from us? Why are they always smiling when I want to crawl into a hole and let the world swallow me up? Why do they have joy when all I have is a bowl of lemons staring at me? Why are they laughing their way through life and not crying out at all the injustices around them in the world?



It's only taken me about 25 years to figure out that it had nothing to do with what was actually going on in their lives, but how they chose to let it affect them or not. That it's not the circumstances that affect the mood but the mindset that allows you to react negatively or positively to what is taking place in your life.



I have complete control (woo hoo!) over everything in my life if I learn how to work it. I am in control and for a Type A control freak like me that sounds pretty darn good - or does it?!? Actually, it scares me to death to think that I am in control. That God has allowed me to ponder out in my pea brain how I'm going to handle whatever comes my way. Even if it is as simple as saying - "God, I give it all to you" and to keep on moving forward without looking back, I have that right. I can laugh when I'm hurt, instead of crying; I can have peace in the midst of a storm if I look at it "in the now" and not get caught up in the "what if" game. I can be glad always in my circumstances if I but just believe, have a little faith and trust in His Word.



Again, a simple precept in this life journey that changes something very difficult into something so very simple. But we are a complex people and we thrive on chaos and complexity and snub our noses at simplicity; therefore, too many of us go through life miserable, down trodden and broken at our own choosing. Sigh. And I was one of them.



Now, it is a matter of choice - sometimes easy and sometimes not; but still my choice. Sometimes it happens out of habit or I find myself lamenting about a situation then I stop and say - nope, not going there. It's not worth it (getting in the pit, wallowing around for a few minutes, hours or days and then trying to climb back out filthier than a hog in a mud bath on a hot and humid summer day).



I'm choosing to be glad always, even if it means pasting on the smile in a hurricane and being hated by the masses for finding joy in spite of...





SCRIPTURE

"Be happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always)." I Thessalonians 5:16, AMP


TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria



How determined are you to enjoy each and every day? In today´s verse, notice how long we are supposed to be glad hearted. As long as people treat us right? As long as we feel okay? As long as the economy is up? No, it says, "Be glad hearted continually and always." That means we´re to be glad in the good times and in the tough times, when it´s sunny and when it´s raining. When those dark clouds are over your head and you feel like life is kind of depressing, kind of gloomy, always remember right above those dark clouds the sun is shining. You may not be able to see the sun in your life right now, but that doesn´t mean it’s not up there.

The good news is that those clouds are just temporary. The sun is going to shine in your life once again. In the meantime, keep your joy. Be glad hearted continually! Don´t let a few clouds sour your life. On the other side of every difficulty, the sun is shining! Make the decision to be glad always, and you´ll move forward in the victory He has in store for you!



A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Heavenly Father, today I choose joy. I choose to make the most of every day. No matter what is happening around me, I choose to focus on your goodness so that I can move forward in the
blessing you have for me. In Jesus´ Name. Amen.

Wow, what a week

When I first sat down to write the first blog it was if a dam opened up and everything I had been holding back came flooding to the forefront. I thought I could sit and type for hours just to purge everything from my soul and then reality stepped in and I got caught up in my chaotic life once again.

This week I worked 56 hours (three 12-hour and two 10-hour days) which is a typical week for me. I'm not complaining, with things being what they are, I am blessed to have my job. There was one doctor appointment, one therapy session and one evening of errands and a haircut for me. I worked at home three nights this week at my own business for 12 hours finishing two jobs outstanding and managed to go out for dinner tonight. In the morning I have to get up early to finish a job, I have a conference call at 9:00, lunch with a girlfriend at 12:45, a child needing to be dropped off at 4:00 and probably picked up at 8:00. In between I'll go to Costco, Wal-Mart (still my favorite store), Kroger and home to put everything away. At some point I will take a break and play with the girls. Probably on the wii but if not maybe they will settle for coloring a few pictures while we watch a cartoon or Animal Planet.

As you can see things are still chaotic but manageable. I'm not having to do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, yard work, etc. that was part of my life last year. My better half does these things and I'm truly blessed to have him ready, willing and able.

Sunday should be relaxing. At this time I have church, a nap and cooking dinner on the agenda. Of course it is subject to change but I'm going to stick to it as best as I can.

I pray that your weekend will be a good one as well.