Sea shells on the sea shore

For several years I have collected sea shells from the various places I have visited and keep them in an aquarium. No fish, just sea shells. The shells that I collect are a wide variety of sizes, shapes and colors just like you would find on the beach with one big difference. Very few of my shells are whole or perfect. I didn’t realize it at first but over time I’ve noticed that the ones that I gravitate towards the most when I am out there collecting shells are the broken ones. Although they might be chipped or broken into lots of pieces I can still see their beauty and so I scoop them up and add them to my collection.

It took me a while to make the connection between the broken shells and me; but there is a connection. I think of myself as a broken person and so I can relate to the shells and what they represent to me. Just like I love those shells for what they are and can see the beauty in them I think about how God views me. Although I am broken down, have jagged edges and cracks in my foundation in all of my brokenness the beauty of God still shines through.

Although I may be battered, bruised and a little hard to look upon at times there is still some goodness there. I can radiate His goodness and mercy. Someone can look upon me and see the light He shines within me and find beauty just like I find in these broken shells that lay scattered on the beach. Others may not see them like I do just like others don’t see me for who I am but I know that God does and I am trying to embrace that and let my life reflect the mercy and grace He bestows upon me daily.

It's a wrap

2010 is coming to a close and as I review the year I can honestly say it has been a bittersweet year. I lost a few people this year that caused me to stop in my tracks and take a time out to handle the weight of it all. I gained some people that have been a true blessing to my life and I've shed a few toxic people that were constantly dragging me down no matter what I did.

Overall it was a year filled with many life lessons, blessings, and promises of better things to come. I had a sabbatical that allowed me to work through some issues, reconcile myself to certain things that will always be my "thorn" as Paul so eloquently called his trial and purge my past from having control of my present and my future. My counseling is continuing to progress. I am doing well and things at home are going ok. My emotions aren’t running high and low like before. They are now on a even keel fluctuating ever so slightly depending on the events of the day but not out of control. I’ve pretty much stayed at a level place but am still struggling to find time in my busyness to write and release.

This was the first holiday season in several years that I haven’t stressed obsessively over money, the kids, and my family. I just accepted my limitations to do what I wanted for everyone and did what I could. In the end this turned into one of the best holidays we had because of it. It felt good to not have this great expectation hanging over my head but to look at things realistically and acknowledge that certain things weren’t going to happen. We enjoyed each other’s company, celebrating the birth of Christ and focusing in on giving not receiving. The kids were great and have enjoyed their time off from school but they are ready to go back now. I’m excited for the New Year and all the possibilities it holds. No resolutions this year but goals and dreams that are realistic and achievable. I didn’t go overboard and I’m not striving for perfection just forward progress.

I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!

And it came anyway

One of my favorite Christmas cartoons is How the Grinch Stole Christmas closely followed by The Little Drummer Boy. It wasn't until I was an adult that I came to realize that these were the only two cartoons of my generation that depicted the meaning of Christmas as something other than gifts and toys from Santa Claus. It quietly made its way into the Grinch through the following passage and quickly became overshadowed by all the hoopla over the stuff being returned but it was enough for me to pick up on. My favorite quote from the movie is:

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

Guess what, it does... mean a whole lot more. In Luke 2:9-11 it is explained beautifully.

"And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."

A Savior for all the people in the world. What a joyous blessing to behold. That is what Christmas is all about; not Frosty, Rudolf or Santa - not toys, electronics or clothes. It's much simpler than that but greater all the while. Life everlasting what joy to behold to know that one day every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that the little babe born in a manger on Christmas is the Savior of the world and that is why we have celebrated Christmas.

Yes, Mr. Grinch Christmas means so much more than...things from a store. It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. It started in a manger surrounded by animals in the humblest of circumstances. The greatest gift of all a Savior was born and his name was Jesus Christ.

So while you are out hustling and bustling here, there and everywhere; picking up to put down, checking your list once, twice even three times to make sure you've included everyone and gotten everything thing take time to remember that Christmas will come anyway even if you haven't brought anything.

Merry Christmas everybody. May you remember the reason for the season this year and every year.

I did it! Nanowrimo Winner

I did it, I did it! Imagine me doing the happy dance... I did it, I did it! I completed 50,000 words of my novel during the month of November. I actually had 58,000 words.

It was a very hard endeavor but I am glad that I stuck with it and got it started. I am no where near finished probably 1/3 of the way there but it is fully outlined and now I just need to fill in the blanks. I truly enjoyed it even on the days that I struggled to find the time and energy to write and especially when writer's block set in and I couldn't put a word on the blank page because my mind was as blank as the page. That was scary the first time it happened. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to write anymore but after two days the words started to come again and all was well.

I learned that sometimes you just have to let it go, walk away and try again another day and that it won't always flow the way you want. Some days I wanted to go left but the story went right and so I learned to go with the flow because that was when I got the best stuff.

I'm going to take a break from the book for a few weeks and then start back at my own pace. Who knows I might finish it next year this time as a Nanowrimo winner again.

His Guiding Hand

I'm still in your presence, but you've taken my hand. You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me. Psalm 73:23-24 (MSG)

When two uncles and my dad died within six months of each other; when my child support ran dry; when life had me by the throat threatening to choke the life out of me, You were there holding my hand and waiting for me to acknowledge You as You led me out of the muck and mire but I lingered there for a while, basking in the moment. Yet you waited and finally when it threatened to swallow me whole and I cried out, you pulled me out, wiped me off and led me through the trial and into your glory.

Have you ever been bombarded by life's issues and felt lost and alone? That there was no one who understood how you felt or what was truly going on inside of you? I'm sure you have my friend and you are not alone. Not only have I but countless saints over the years have had moments of insecurity, hopelessness and feelings of loss and abandonment. The Word is filled with them, their stories and triumphs. There is hope; there is peace and comfort to be found.

The verses from today are the hope you need the next time you find yourself going through or perhaps stuck in the middle and you don't think you'll make it to shore.

Our heavenly Father wants you to know that He is there to guide you every step of the way if you but reach out your hand so that He may take it and walk you through. At times He may have to carry you but nevertheless, you are not alone in this journey. Won't you put your hand in His?

Dear God, it is my prayer that we seek you, the one who sticks closer than a brother during the dark and uncertain times in our life. Lord it is you who will bring us out on the other side replete with your blessings and for that we are grateful. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Psalm 32:8; Psalm 73:24; Isaiah 30:21; Proverbs 18:24; Matthew 7:7-8; Lamentations 3:41

Living Out Loud

I’m alone, scared, hurt, tired, hungry, and angry; I am frustrated and overwhelmed. My life is not what I thought it would be or how I wanted it to be.

Failure seemed to lurk around every corner. Shame became my name and despair my constant companion. Everything I touched withered and died and my soul rotted from the inside out with bitterness and unforgiveness.

Lord do you hear me? How I long to surrender my all to you. Please take away these dark thoughts and replace them with your light. May my parched lips have a taste of your living water so that my thirst will be forever quenched? May your love, mercy and grace abide in me? Father won’t you let you Son intercede on my behalf so that I may bask in the glory of You.

This nightmare has turned into a new beginning, one that will get better with each step I take that brings me closer to You as I bask in the safety and comfort of your arms; praising you all the days of my life. I'll call out to you dear Lord to save me from myself, the enemy and these thoughts that threaten to consume me daily.

I know that with you all things are possible. I can’t do this alone but I can do this with you by my side. No longer will I suffer in silence dear Lord but I will shout it to the rafters that I need you and want your help. Oh dear God in heaven you have looked down and smiled upon me and turned my ashes into beauty.

I will not hide my light under a bushel but be like a light on a hill shining bright for all to see their way out of the darkness too.

Christmas & Holiday Cards from Shutterfly

Hello all. It’s that time again… you know the time where you pull out all the family photos from all year long to see which one will go well on your Christmas card. And… when you can’t find just the right image you’ll head to the mall to have a picture taken.

Well once you’ve gotten the hard part out of the way head over to Shutterfly at www.shutterfly.com and check out over 400+ different card designs, 20 new calendar designs and more styles, colors and choices any one person can make. I love their new designs for 2010 and have already picked out three cards our family just have to do this year to accommodate all their different styles and personalities. I really love Family Wall in Red, Pretty Poinsettia Print, the Classic Red Squares and We Heart You. Hmmm wonder which ones we’ll go for… you’ll just have to wait and see.

Happy Christmas Card Shopping made easy at Shutterfly.com!

Check out the links below to get started on the most fun you’ll have all holiday season as we prepare to eat, drink and be merry in 2010.


• Christmas cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards
• holiday cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/holiday-cards
• Christmas photo cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery
• wall calendars to http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars/wall-calendars