Gratitude

I am truly grateful to my Lord and Savior because it was a breakthrough day today in that the flood gates opened up and I was able to write again after a long unplanned hiatus.

The great thing about it was that I felt free again like a bird whose wing had healed and it could fly again or like a kid let loose in the candy store. I couldn’t get enough writing in today. I kept thinking of things I wanted, needed, and felt compelled to say but had held back for so long.

I had to temper myself to stop and wait for a few hours while I went home and tended to the activities of the house for the evening but now the house is quiet. The kids are all settled and I’m back at the keyboard ready to put down all that wants to spill out of me or should I say spew out of me like a volcano. It is so overwhelming to have so much at my fingertips again. I feel so blessed but also so humbled because I know this is a gift from Him and I don’t take it lightly.

I give thanks that He gave me my voice again through the written words that fly from my fingertips.

Why do I write?

Why do I write? My first response to that question is why not write? I cannot remember a time in my life when writing was not a part of it. I have written poetry, short stories, journals, rants, and raves for as far back as I can remember. Was it all publishable or even worth someone reading, probably not but it was an outlet for me and that is all that mattered.

Having said all that I guess it is safe to say that writing is an opening for me. It allows me to express myself in ways otherwise unavailable. I get to determine who my audience is and when, if at all, to share what I have written. Thoughts are constantly floating around and although they do not always make it down on paper, they are stored in the file cabinet for a rainy day.

Writing is therapeutic for me. I can write about things that are on my mind from today, yesterday, five years ago, or longer. Thoughts have a way of holding you captive until released and that is where my writing comes into play.

Sometimes if I am having a rough day instead of carrying it around with me, I will write about it and then delete it. Never having seen the light of day but gone from my mind are those thoughts that have held me captive and I am all the better for it because it has been set free.

Our brains are like mini computers. We take stuff in and eventually if it is not stored somewhere else you run out of memory. With my writing, I download every so often thereby freeing up space and allowing the brain to defrag.

That is all practical and good but my writings embody my emotions and at times things get bogged down or bottled up because of what I am feeling and they marinate for a while until I can find a way to get them out cohesively. This is where I am right now and have been for a few months now. Feelings are disjointed and running amok making it difficult to put into words and so they have been festering, soaking, and have reached the boiling point. They need releasing before they spill over and make a mess and so this 30,000-word challenge could not have come at a better time. With that said, if I seem to be like a Mexican jumping bean (all over the place) you will understand why. There is a lot of stuff up there just waiting to come out.

July Writing Romp - 30,000 in 31 days!!!

Ack! I signed on to write 30,000 words in thirty-one days as part of a challenge to get me back in the saddle and writing again. Today is day six and this is my first entry. In all fairness, I have been writing an essay for school this past week that has consumed all of my time and it is finally nearing completion so I thought I would get started with my 1,000 words a day. If I push, I can make up for the time I have lost and still make the deadline without any worries so that is my game plan.

Back in stride again

I have missed writing. It seems like the hole in the dam got plugged and I couldn’t get it unstuck. So many thoughts swirling around in my head but I was unable to put them down on paper. It has been a busy time for us with the kids at school, activities on the weekends and living life daily. Work has really picked up and even consumed my evenings for a while there but those projects have come to an end and things are getting back to normal just in time for school to start. For the most part we have all been healthy; a few colds, coughs, and ear infections but nothing of major proportion. The flu skipped us on its second go round and for that we are thankful. The girls are growing by leaps and bounds. Inches up and out almost like plants they are growing with the seasons. Sprouting up in the spring just like my tulips in the front yard. I love the weather minus all the pollen and what it does to my allergies but the beauty that surrounds us is unparalleled. Bright pinks, yellows and oranges dot the neighborhood and the trees are blossoming white, pink and green. Spring has sprung and the temperatures are rising daily; almost a little too quickly. I’d love to have several weeks of the 70s before we start edging our way up to the 80s and 90s. Spring break is next week and this year the kids are really excited about it although we have no concrete plans for the time they are out. I will take a day or two off of work and spend time with them doing things locally but for the most part we’ll stay within the general vicinity of the house. I would like to take a trip down to the beach to see my grandmother but I’m not sure how that will pan out. We’ll play that one by ear. Gas prices have definitely put a damper on straying too far away from home although a visit is way overdue by my standards. I hope this is the beginning of being able to write again although my time is about to be consumed even more after this weekend doing homework and reading to prepare for class but I am at peace with it all and will take it one day at a time.

Merry Go Round

Why won't the words come? I'm trying to get my thoughts together but nothing is meshing right now. I'm being pulled in so many directions at this moment that I don't know which way is up.

People coming out of the woodwork stirring up memories of days long forgotten. Scabs being ripped off of wounds thought to be healed. Emotions running the gamut. My brain is working overtime trying to juggle it all.

Scared to stop for fear of what space I'll land on so I just keep spinning and I waiting for something to give.

I did it! Nanowrimo Winner

I did it, I did it! Imagine me doing the happy dance... I did it, I did it! I completed 50,000 words of my novel during the month of November. I actually had 58,000 words.

It was a very hard endeavor but I am glad that I stuck with it and got it started. I am no where near finished probably 1/3 of the way there but it is fully outlined and now I just need to fill in the blanks. I truly enjoyed it even on the days that I struggled to find the time and energy to write and especially when writer's block set in and I couldn't put a word on the blank page because my mind was as blank as the page. That was scary the first time it happened. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to write anymore but after two days the words started to come again and all was well.

I learned that sometimes you just have to let it go, walk away and try again another day and that it won't always flow the way you want. Some days I wanted to go left but the story went right and so I learned to go with the flow because that was when I got the best stuff.

I'm going to take a break from the book for a few weeks and then start back at my own pace. Who knows I might finish it next year this time as a Nanowrimo winner again.

A novel is born

I'm about to embark on a journey like never before. I am starting to write a novel. I am clueless on what I'm doing or how it's going to turn out but I'm willing to give it a try. November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo.org). It's where you sign up and agree to write 50,000 words in the month of November which is approximately 1,667 words a day. I have been challenged by several people to start writing a book since I am currently hosting 2 blogs and a forum.

I also figured since I was doing all this writing any way I might as well make it count for something. Besides CC has said that I write marvelously well and I should have written several books by now but maybe she'll settle for this one first and we'll see what comes next. Wish me well and keep me lifted in prayer that this will all work out for the good.

Coming out

I've outed myself to a fellow co-worker who shares my love for the written word. She has a couple of blogs herself that I've enjoyed reading. I appreciate her style of writing, her candor and her honesty which is why I was drawn to her at work. She's a bright spot in my day, a breath of fresh air and a wealth of information, which she is quick to share.

Our worlds are complete opposites but that could also explain the attraction. I get to view it from her perspective and vice versa. Although I believe I will get far more entertainment out of her world than she will from mine.

It felt good to talk to her about blogging, writing, our lives outside of work because at the end of the day when we leave our jobs we do have lives. We are not consumed by this 24/7. We don't eat, sleep and breathe work. In our roles as assistant's too often we work for and with people who's entire existence is wrapped up in their jobs. They cannot function without them. It has become who they are. Their jobs/positions are their identity. You know these people, they are the ones who introduce themselves with their titles and all of their conversations revolve around things they are doing for work.

I'm excited to have another connection in my other life that is walking down a similar path as I. Although a bit different. She's writing a novel. A HUGE undertaking; one that frightens me. I'm not ready for that just yet. I appreciate the blogging world too much with it's fluidness. A novel to me is constraining and we all know I am not one to be constrained. I don't think I have it in me to be that focused right now. I'm saving that for retirement.

Welcome to my world Leila.

She Speaks, She Writes, She Obeys

Proverbs 31 Ministries through Cecil Murphey have one last scholarship to give away to the She Speaks conference and we were asked to write two paragraphs about why we want to attend the conference and what it means to us.

This was my entry.

We are all on a journey. We all have a story and that story can be used to help one another if we use it as He intends. My words, written or spoken can reach the lost, the broken-hearted and downtrodden soul. They can be used to find the one who cowers in the dark, who despises her own face, voice and body; it can seek out the one who has been beaten physically, mentally and spiritually and feels that nobody understands… nobody knows the depth of pain that she carries and no one could ever love her because of all she has endured, the choices she’s made or the way that she looks. I know how these women feel for I too have felt that way. My journey has taught me and continues to teach me that there is hope in the midst of the storm. That joy waits on the other side of the darkness and that God will give us beauty for our ashes.

When I said, "Use me Lord to share your message of love, your Words of wisdom, knowledge and guidance; let my story, my triumph through You give you the glory you deserve and help the lost find their way back home”; when I finally surrendered myself and said, “Lord, here am I send me”; I was led to Proverbs 31 Ministries. For three years I have struggled with the prompting to attend the She Speaks conference. The first year I held back due to financial reasons, the second year, I wasn’t sure I wanted to accept the call that I knew was on my life, and this year, I can no longer deny that He has chosen to use my written and my spoken word. The way the spirit rises up in me when I put fingers to keyboard, pen to paper or lips to microphone are overwhelming, scary and exhilarating. I feel alive and so full. It is during those moments that I know that He has brought me through the storms of my life for a purpose such as this.