Giving up and breaking down

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Six months ago I stopped having my quiet time with God. Prior to that I was up every morning at 5 or 5:30 spending 30 minutes to an hour reading, praying and pondering the things I had read. I kept a prayer journal of sorts and could track the effectiveness of my prayers but one day I allowed the enemy to whisper in my ear “Are you doing this because you want to or because you have to?” and that question was enough to make me stop and question my motives and fore go my quiet time to see if I had an answer.

It didn’t take long for me to continue to lie in the bed when my alarm went off to get an extra 30 minute to an hour of sleep and then when summer hit I would get up and go running through my neighborhood because it was light and I enjoyed the high that came from the exercise. I reasoned that I could take my lunch break and make it my quiet time but I didn’t have a specific time I went to lunch each day and I quickly forgot that idea. Occasionally I would remember the day’s devotional but first I’d have to go back and catch up on the days that had passed since the last time I read. I had left myself drift really far from that faithful servant who gave the first fruits of her day to her Lord and Savior and left home ready to tackle the world for my God and was quickly replaced by a burdened, burnt out, overwhelmed wreck who didn’t have the strength to tackle the day to day issues in my life much less the harder challenges that reared their heads during this time. I was lost and alone in the wilderness but too prideful to come before God, confess my sin, ask for forgiveness and rescue my quiet time with Him and the enemy reveled in this.

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal and to kill and to destroy…” John 10:10

Eventually it got so bad I had a break down because the enemy was wreaking havoc in my life and I was too weak to fight him off. I was close to throwing in the towel but God…

I couldn’t do it. I did as I was prompted and reached out for help. I called my doctor and counselor; I emailed my family and friends. I went to my husband and my mother telling them all that I was scared because I was ready to give up. I felt so lost that I couldn’t see a clear path to find my way back.

“Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long? Turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave? I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. Away from me, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.” Psalm 6:2-9

These past few weeks have been very difficult and I know I’m not out of the woods yet but I know that during this time when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable state my God will step up and carry me if he has to. He will hold me up until I am strong enough to stand on my own and He will surround me with people who can help lead me to the path He desires me to walk down.

“…, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Will I allow the enemy to talk me out of my relationship with God again? Prayerfully not! When I have questions about my faith and obedience I will take them to the Lord and together we will find an answer.

I learned that when I am weak and confused that I can turn to God for his strength. He is not the author of confusion but the giver of hope, life and light in a dark world.

Psalm 51; 1 Corinthian 14:33; Psalm 6:2-9; Psalm 91; Psalm 13;

Under Attack

In four days I will be in Concord, NC attending the She Speaks! Conference presented by Proverbs 31 Ministries. I have been prompted to attend this conference for the past three years and have never been able to pull it off due to scheduling, finances, childcare, etc. And finally this year it has all come together... almost. Can I tell you how busy the enemy is in my life right now. Do I even have to energy to list out the ways that he is attacking me? As you can imagine, some of the most off the wall things have taken place; are trying to trip me up and just flat out make me throw in the towel. The drama at my house has been incredible this past weekend and today is off to another great start but I will not be moved. I am going even if I have to put my thumb out there and hitch a ride!

I trust that God has this all worked out and that if I do my part then He has to do his. We have walked this path together to get to this point and I don't think for a second that he would bring me this far to leave me but the enemy is a formidable opponent and I can't let down my guard because if I do the results could be devastating.

With that said, please pray for me this week. Pray for my household, my children, my husband. Pray for peace in the midst of the chaos. Pray for wisdom and knowledge to discern what is the will of God and what is the trickery of the enemy. Pray for traveling safety. And last, but not least, pray for me.

Pray that as I put my speeches to bed that the words that I have come up with are the words that God has for me to share. That I will not be nervous and that the spirit will lead and guide me so that when I am presenting they will see God and not me. Pray that His light will shine through me and he will get the glory out of what I say. Pray that my ears, eyes and heart will be open and receptive to the teachings from the speakers, the judges and the 600 sisters in Christ who will be attending the conference with me this weekend.

Pray that I will be strengthened in my mind to let go and let God. That I will remain focused on Him during this week and not get caught up in everything that is happening all around me. Pray that I have the wherewithal to understand that I cannot change what is happening but I don't have to allow it to affect me, my focus and get me off track from where my mind should be. Pray that I won't let my emotions get the best of me and that as the week progresses that I will begin to have anticipation and joy about the good things that are awaiting me at the conference.

And while you are praying for me, know that I will be praying for you to help take the focus off of my situation and find peace in being of service to others.

A boxing match called life

It is a test of skill and will power. Sometimes the strongest man doesn't win but the smartest one does. The one who plans, strategizes and changes the plan to accommodate the strengths and weaknesses of his opponent. It's not always about the physical but the mental acumen of the fighter. If you can get inside your opponents head you can out smart, out wit or out fight them.

You have to become a master at the art of ducking, bobbing, and weaving to stay ahead of your opponent and then you have to implement the art of jabbing, upper cutting and landing those body shots that will wear your opponent out.

Our opponents in life are just like the opponents the fighter faces in the ring. Ever changing, shifting and in it for the long haul. From the ringing of the first bell (birth) to the ding of the final bell (death) it is a fight. We struggle with the first breath we take and at death there is a momentary struggle before it's sweet release. Along the way, somewhere between Rounds 1 - 12 we learn to master the art of offense and defense; the bobbing, weaving, jabbing and counter attacking.

But our fight is not our own. "...This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's." (2 Chronicles 20:15)

Our opponent is not unknown to us either. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12)

His mission has been spelled out for all to understand and so has the plan to defeat him and the prize. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

Today's Devotional - Set Your Mind

I read a lot of different devotionals every day trying to feast upon the Word as much as I possibly can. It's during this time I get to reflect on my life, my problems and the blessings He's bestowed upon my life.

I learn different ways to handle the trials that come my way and quite often get answers to questions that I've only pondered in my mind.

Occasionally I get gentle nudgings from God to reinforce something that has fallen into my spirit or been shouted to me from the mountain top but I've failed to "hear and obey".

Nevertheless, I count them as blessings as they feed my malnourished soul and when I come across ones that I think will speak to others as strongly as they have spoken to me I share them... be blessed.


TODAY'S SCRIPTURE
“Set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth” (Colossians 3:2, AMP)

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria
Have you ever been laying in bed in the morning and out of nowhere you're reminded of all the mistakes you made yesterday and all the problems you have in your future? That's the enemy trying to set your mind for a negative, defeated, lousy day, but you don't have to fall into that trap.

The Scripture says, “Set your mind and keep it set on the higher things.” This tells us that we have to be proactive. We have to stay on the offensive. When you get up in the morning, have the attitude that David did in the Psalms and say, "This is another day the Lord has made! No matter how I feel, no matter what the economy looks like, no matter what the medical report says, I am choosing to rejoice. I am choosing to be happy this day." You know what you’re really saying? You’re saying, “I’m not going to let other people steal my joy today. I’m not going to let disappointments and setbacks discourage me. I’m not going to focus on my problems and my mistakes. I’m making up my mind to embrace everything the Lord has in store for me.

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Father in heaven, I choose to set my day by setting my mind on things above. I choose to shake off the cares of yesterday and focus on everything You have in store for me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.